


Friends are Family We Get to Choose

by chocolatefrogsandtealeaves



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: #i edit nothing because im lazy, #lots of grammer and spelling mistakes, Alternate Universe - College/University, Camping, Drinking, Eventual Smut, F/M, Grad Student AU, HIV Positive Character, Headcanon, Lily/Remus a little bit, M/M, Remus and James are biologist, Snuffles the dog, Trans Sirius Black, but it doesn't stick, eventual wolfstar adn jilly, ftm character, jilly - Freeform, lily is a nurse, mention of Marlene/Dorcas, mention of rape, mentions of drinking, mentions of homophbia, outdoors, sirius is an astronomist, slowburn, takes place in Canada becuase reasons, the maurauders - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 22:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 57,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17537060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatefrogsandtealeaves/pseuds/chocolatefrogsandtealeaves
Summary: Remus is a PhD student at Hogwarts University. His office mate James drives him up the wall along with his annoying friend Sirius who always seems to be following James around like a lost dog. However his new found friendship with Lily Evans, and James and his friends seem to open up the world to Remus and provide support to him as he goes through the toughest 4 years of his life.





	1. First Day: Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life

**Author's Note:**

> I will add more tags as I go since I don't want to ruin the surprise twists. Don't worry I will have some chapters from other character perspectives.
> 
> I love to see suggestions in comments. Sometimes I take them most times I might not.
> 
> I promise to actually finish this work unlike the others on my page.
> 
> But I make no promises to work on the spelling and grammar.

Remus fumbled with his key as he locked the door to his bedroom as he tried to balance the giant thermos of tea, his backpack, bike helmet and the giant cardboard box full of notebooks and a few textbooks. Once he managed to lock the door without having to put anything down out of stubbornness he straightened up and headed down the creaky stairs. 

Today was going to be a long day. It was his first day in his new school. He was already stressed from how much he had to get done and it didn’t help he had been feeling sick and tired all week. His bones creaked and ached as he wobbled his way down the stairs. Once he got down stairs a familiar voice came from the kitchen doorway. Old misses Hopkins was standing there in her apron with a grandmotherly smile on her face. 

“Have a good day deary. And don’t forget to eat something” she said kindly handing him a paper bad most likely filled with home made muffins. 

“Oh Thank you Misses Hopkins. You didn’t have to to that for me.”

“Oh it’s no problem sweetie. You’ve been such good lad so quiet and clean, unlike other people who have rented that room. It’s my pleasure” she said with a kind smile patting his arm.

Remus smiled back feeling a little embarrassed but grateful.

“Thank you so much” he said as he headed for the front door.

It was a warm day in early September. He carefully strapped the heavy box of books to the back of his bike and put in the thermos once he double checked it was firmly shut. The sun was blaring down so he took off his cardigan and tied it around his waist. He did one last shift of his backpack straps, put on his helmet and started his ride to the university. 

*

Remus had only been on campus once before when he had come for an interview for the position. It had been winter then, and in all honesty he was too nervous to bother remembering any part of the campus. Thankfully he quickly found the building he was looking for. He found a bike rack beside a nearby parking lot and dismounted his bike. He stumbled a little as he almost lost his balance. Once he had stood his head suddenly went light as if he had been holding his breath, his vision went white like he was going to pass out. He steadied himself against a pole and took a deep breath. This cold was going to kill him, or worse make him do something embarrassing in front of the few people walking around. Once he got his senses back he locked up his bike with the chain from his backpack, grabbed his box of books and headed to the building where his first task for the day was located.

*

The health services was empty, which was expected since it was the first day they were open for the academic year. He shifted the box under his arm to better hold it and made his way to the counter. There an old lady took his info and told him to take a seat. 

He pulled his paper back copy of To Kill a Mocking Bird and waited. Not even 4 pages in he heard a musical voice call his name.

“Remus Lupin”

Remus looked up and saw a very pretty red headed girl about his age in scrubs holding a clipboard looking at him. He quickly stood and followed her down the hall. She guided him to a small room at the back of the office smiling at him kindly. 

“Ok “ she said sitting at the computer inside the tiny room. “Reason for your visit?”

“Umm, I've been sick the last couple weeks. Like really sore and tired, and I keep getting light headed when I stand”

The pretty red head nodded while she typed up what he was saying. 

“Do you have a sore throat or blocked nose?” She asked looking at him kindly putting her stethoscope in her ears and gesturing him to lift his shirt. He hesitated he hated people seeing his body, specifically his torso. It was covered in scars from old injuries and he was very self conscious. But the red head gave him a warm smile and he hesitant lifted it for her to listen.

“Ummm no no sore throat or runny nose. But the last two days i’ve been getting random waves of nausea and throwing up.” He said timidly.

She nodded and pushed the cold metal of the stethoscope to his chest.

“Ok breath in . And breath out. And in again”.

She took away the cold metal from his chest and he quickly pushed his shirt down pulling at the bottom of the hem nervously wheel she typed on the computer. 

She then took his temperature , blood pressure and pulse and quickly looked into his mouth to look at his throat. 

“Ok”. She said finishing up at the computer. “ The doctor will be in in a second to help you out”

And with one last smile she left. Remus pulled at his cardigan sleeves. He hated hospital and clinics. They smelled like death to him ever since he had spent over a year in one when his mother had gotten sick and died. Visiting every day to the smelled of bleach, peroxide, dust and death had scarred his opinions on anything hospital like. 

He didn’t wait long before a old guy with a mean expression entered to room. 

“Lupin?” He said not looking up from the chart in his hands. 

“Yes” Remus said looking down at the floor when the guy have him assessing look.

The doctor went to the other side of the room and put on gloves then began to check him over. 

“Hmmm” the guy said as he slipped off his gloves.

“Well my guess is you’re probably catching a cold, and the fainting may be from low blood sugar and malnutrition”. He said giving him a jabbing look at him skinny body.

“How often do you eat?”

“Three times a day”

“Good food?” He asked as if Remus might be lying.

“Yes all four food groups” Remus protested in a quiet voice. He wasn't lying most days he ate 3 full healthy meals. well healthy enough for a 21 years old guy who loved chocolate and take out.

“ Well I’m going to order a blood test anyway to make sure.” He said disregarding Remus and turning to the computer to fill out the form.  
Once printed he handed it to him.

“As for the cold just stay home for a couple days and take some Tylenol and you should be fine. You can get you blood work done here today since our lab isn’t busy right now” and with that the doctor left.

Remus stood up and picked up his book box and backpack heaped on the floor and headed out too. Down the hall the saw the sign that said lab. And went to sit on the chairs outside. Once he sat down the red headed girl came out and smiled at him brightly.

“Go alright?” She asked.

“Ya” Remus nodded “just need blood work apparently”. He said

She waved him in and told him to sit down in a padded armchair with wide arms on it. She took his paper and began gathering things while he rolled up his sleeve. She wiped the area with a cold alcohol swab and Remus looked away quickly.

“Are you scared of needles?” She asked him with concern in her voice. Remus gulped refusing to look over at the needle she was probably holding now.

“No just not a fan of seeing blood” he admitted with a gulp.

“Ok well then I’ll be fast” she said. She grabbed his arm gently and he felt the sting as something went in his forearms. He tensed and tried not to squirm.

“It’s alright it’ll be over soon” she said softly as the uncomfortable feeling of blood leaving his veins occupied his mind. And then she pulled away and the pain stopped and a cotton pad was pushed up against the spot.

“Ok don’t look over yet I’ll just quickly label the tubes and get them out of sight”

Remus sighed thankfull it was over. 

“Ok good to go” she said gently brushing his arm to get his attention.

Remus thanked her with a small smile and headed out the door. Checking his cracked phone to make sure he was still on time.

Next stop getting my office.

*

Remus biked to the other side of campus to the building he was told his office was going to be in. Once there he found the administrator guy who brought him a set of keys and led him down some poorly lit halls to his new workspace.

It was small. Two large desked had been shoved on opposite walls with little room in between. There was no way two people could sit in their desk chairs back to back without pushing one another . He sighed and began unpacking his stuff into one of the desks. Overall it wasn’t so bad to the right of the desks was a small window that looked out into the parking lot. Remus made a note to get a nice plant for the window. Once all his book where shelved above the desk Remus sat down on his chair it squeaked as he leaned back. He ducked under the desk to turn the computer on only to realize it was unplugged. He got down under the desk to plug it back in. Man was this room in need of a dusting he thought.

“HEYYY! WHATCHA DOING DOWN THERE?!”

A loud voice boomed startling Remus causing him to jump up and hit his head on the bottom side of the desk. 

He pulled himself out to look up at a tall gangly guy around his age with messy black hair and glasses. He was wearing a jersey from some sport Remus couldn’t name, shorts and burkenstocks. He had on a backpack and was also hefting a hockey bag. The guy was grinning down at him looking excited and amused. 

“Just plugging in the computer” Remus said getting back up and sitting down in his chair.

“Cool Cool”. The guy said strolling over to the other desk. “So I guess we’re office mates then?” He continued cheerily.

“Guess so” Remus said “I’m Remus, Remus Lupin”

“I’m James, James Potter” The guy said holding out his hand smiling like a mad man. Remus shook it.

James threw his backpack on the floor and threw the hockey bag up on the chair for the other desk and began unpacking books and desk toys from it. Remus shifted his chair more towards the window so James would have room.

“So What do you study?” James asked as he unpacked.

“Oh umm I just started so nothing yet. But I’m here to study wolf behavior in Black Forest for my PhD” Remus said if not a little timidly. He was still trying to get use to the idea he had landed this awesome project. 

“AH SUPER COOL!” James exclaimed “So are you working with McGonagall?”

“Ya, umm how about you?”Remus asked.

“I’m just starting here with McGonagall too. Deer populating in the Black Forest too. I guess that makes us Office buddies, lab buddies and field work buddies”James said happily.

“Ya I guess” Remus said doing his best to return the maniac smile. Honestly James was a little too well … nice, loud, excitable. But he didn’t seem that bad, Remus just hoped when it came time to work he would tone it down a little.

Remus checked his watch. 10 minutes until the first lab meeting. 

“I’m going to head down to the meeting want to come with?” Remus asked trying to be as polite as possible

“Nah go ahead. I’ll catch up. I want to set up my mini catapult before I head out” He said with a smirk.

Remus let out an unsure laugh not sure if James was kidding or not. He was pretty sure he was. 

“Ok see you there” he said lifting his hand as a wave as he headed out. 

*

“I am Dr. McGonagall as you all know, but you may also call me Professor McGonagall if you please” 

McGonagall was an older lady with a stern look with a tight bun of hair at the top of her head. She was one of the top world experts on mammalian behaviour and Remus was a little intimidated to be in the same room as her. 

“Now I have very high expectation from all of you” She said glancing at each other them as she surveyed the room. “And I expect…”

She was cut off by the door opening loudly and James running in his hair wildly sticking up from the jog he probably had taken to get here. 

“Sorry I'm late” James said without any indication he was actually sorry.

McGonagall gave him a stern look.

“Mr.Potter. Punctuality is an important life skill. Please have that skill mastered before our next meeting” She said eyeing him.

“Yes Ma’am” James said giving a fake salute while plunking down in the chair beside Remus smiling up at him when McGonagall turned around. Remus buried his face in his hands.

*

After the meeting James tried to chat him up about their work but Remus apologized and said he was in a hurry. It wasn’t a total lie he did have somewhere to be. He quickly made it outside to his bike and began his trip to the bookstore so he could be early for his shift. 

He had been working at the book store since he moved here this past spring once he learned he got this grad position. He loved working at the book store even if it drained him of all energy. The book store was small and tucked away on the corner of the market between a coffee shop (that made amazing hot chocolate) and a Irish pub (That had amazing take away fish and chips). Inside smelled wonderfully of books and old wood shelves. When he got there Diggory was the only one there. He was fixing the shelves near the front. With no customers the store was pretty quiet.

Remus set his stuff in the back and came out to help Diggory. They chatted about the latest Ice and Fire book until a few customers started coming in. Diggory left to go help them while Remus went to the cash. His stomach started growling and he made a mental note to remember to bring more food with him tomorrow. At his break he scarfed down the muffins his land lady had packed and chugged his now slightly above warm temperature tea. At 9 o’clock Diggory told him to head home and said he would worry about closing up. Remus thankful for his offer left. Once he got home he was so exhausted he passed out in his bed still in his clothes he had worn all day. His bones creaked and his muscles ached. His head pounded in his skull as if his brain was trying to escape. Man was the next 4 or more years going to be hell. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life he thought to himself.


	2. Chapter 2: Remus makes a new friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus makes his first friend and begins to get a taste of the year to come

Remus woke up feeling like shit. Wait scratch that worse than shit. What’s worse than shit he doesn’t know. He forgot to close his curtains before he fell asleep last night and the sun wa shining a beam directly into his right eye. He groaned his head still pounding as he swears he can hear his elbow creak as he raises and drops his arm over his eyes. He wonders what time it is. His alarm hasn’t gone off yet so it can't be that late.

As if on cue his phone starts blaring out and vibrating on his night stand. Wait that’s not his alarm song that’s his ringtone! He sits up quickly to grab his phone and is immediately hit with a wave of dizziness. Everything in his room is shown in double. He feels a sharper pain build in his throat and then a burning in his sinus as he throws up all over his lap and bed. His phone continues to call out from his nightstand as he grips his forehead to steady himself. He’s too confused to register right away he’s sitting in a pool of sick. Thankfully his phone stops ringing and he can think a little clearer. Sitting still he stares at the wall getting his bearings. Once he has them he slowly rises trying his best not to spread the throw up. He braces himself against the wall staring at his bed.

‘Wonderful’ he thinks sarcastically.

His mouth taste like bile and his throw up on his lap and shirt are seeping though irritating his skin, or maybe it’s just his head finally registering how gross it is. He carefully pulls of his sick covered t shirt and plaid pj bottoms and throws them onto the bed with the rest of the laundry he now has to do. He grabs a clean pair from the hamper (well cleaner than the ones he just had on) and puts them on. Gathers up his bedding and goes out to start his penance for throwing up like a child or a 1st year who can't hold their liquor. Once he’s scrubbed the worst out in the sink and has a load started he heads to the shower. 

Remus decides to just sit on the floor of the shower since his head is still feeling light and dizzy. Quickly washing and heading back to his room. He collapses on his now bear bed in only his towel.

‘That’s going on my worst ever wake ups list’ he thinks. Then he remembers what caused him to get up so fast. He sits up and grabs his phone. One notification for a voicemail.

He taps it and waits to hear his message.

“ Hi this message is for Remus Lupin its the Hogwarts Health Clinic. Mr. Lupin we wanted to inform you that the doctor has requested you come back in for some additional tests as something abnormal appeared on your blood sample and he would like it re tested. We are open today from 8am to 5 pm. Have a nice day.”

Remus frowns at his phone as he hangs up. Well that’s odd he thinks. Maybe the doctor thought I was starving myself and it turns out he found out my blood is made entirely of tea and chocolate. 

He doesn’t have to work until later tonight so he decides to head to the school. Maybe he can go to the clinic and then his office for a bit and get set up.

He dresses himself and turns the electric kettle in his room on to start a cup of tea. His room is small and only fits a small twin bed a small desk that holds his 1000 year old laptop and kettle. A bookshelf at the bottom of his bed is stuffed full and books have started to pile ontop of it precariously. He did manage to fit a small corduroy arm chair in the room for reading, although he has to move it around to get into his closet. He sits in his chair and browses his phone while he has some tea to wake him up. He’s surprised to see a facebook an Instagram and a twitter alert. Opening them he sees that one James Potter has sent him a friend request, and started following him.  
Remus doesn’t accept the facebook one. In fact he deleted the app. He doesn’t know why he kept it so long. But he does start to look at James’ profile on Instagram and twitter. Mostly its picture of him playing what he is almost confident is lacrosse, and pictures of himself camping and clubbing usually shoulder to shoulder arms around a shorter guy with long wavy hair. The guy he’s with in these pictures looks like a model. His face is blemish free and pale, rugged with stubble, perfect eyebrows, deep grey eyes, and perfectly groomed hair down past his shoulders. Occasionnally they are accompanied by a vhubby blonde guy. Further down he can see pictures obviously from way younger days both boys look no more than 16. Then he comes across a picture of what appears to be a butt with a crudely drawn face on it pressed against a window tagged under James' name and he decides to end his snooping not wanting to see James' butt so early in the morning.

He takes his last sip of tea and slips on his shoes to head out. On his way out he switches his sheets to the dryer so he can actually sleep when he gets back. 

The bike ride to the school is pleasant there’s a bike trail entrance 2 doors down and the trail is surrounded by forest on both sides. Occasionally he passes someone walking a dog or another biker going the opposite way. He can hear the birds singing in the canopy above. Once he gets to school the bike ride has lifted his mood from the terrible one he had from the incident his morning. However that goes away once he steps back into the clinic. the same red haired girl from yesterday is behind the counter riffling through clipboards. She looks up and see hims and smiles wide. 

“Remus is it?” She asks. He nods wondering how pathetic he must have seemed yesterday for her to remember his name.

“I can take you back right now we are pretty empty at the moment. Stuff doesn’t usually pick up until the undergrads show up”

He follows her back to the lab and sits back in to torture chair. She’s smiling happily at him.

“So how are you feeling this morning?” She asks 

Remus hesitates “I’m good” he lies forcing a smile back.

“good. Glad to hear that. Ok let me get your paper work and …” she picks up a folder and stares at the content with a confused if not worried looking face. After about a minute she put the folder down gently and begins to look for something in the cabinet. After a few moment she has a handful of vials out and looks morose.

“Sorry but we’re taking a lot more than usual today”

Remus frowns but then quickly forces himself to go back to a blank expression.

“Ok” he croaks out.

He does exactly what he did yesterday and looks away as the red haired girl does her thing. After his arm is very sore and he feels a little sick. She goes across the room and opens a little fridge and hands hims juice box. 

“Here hopefully that helps. Sit here for a bit before you head out ” she says looking at him sympathetically. 

Remus takes the juice box and slowly drinks it's sugary content while the girl works at the bench doing something to his blood. What shes doung specifically doesn’t know because he refuses to look over and risk seeing it and passing out infront of her. 

 

“So are you a grad student? You look a bit old to be an undergrad” She asks him.

“Uh ya, just started. I’m working in the biology department”.

“Cool. It’s a great department. I did my undergrad here and took a lot of bio courses.” She says in a perky voice.

Remus smiles. “What did you take?”

“Nursing, top of the class. That’s how I got this job here. I do this along with school. I’m currently trying to become a registered nurse and the experience at the clinic is great. Plus its not to far.”

“That’s really cool. So since your like a genius at this maybe you could tell me what’s up with my blood that I had to come back?” Remus asks curiously.

The red haired girl pauses as if she’s thinking about how to say something without offending him. 

“Ummm it’s probably just a mistake. But Dr. Yakley likes to be thorough so he usually runs every test he can get away with.” She says.

Remus doesn’t like that a answer but doesn’t push it. He takes the last slurp of juice and stands up. 

“Thank you so much uhhh…”. He pauses he never actually caught her name. 

“Lily” she says with a smile which he returns.

“Thank you so much Lily”

“Hopefully I don’t see you again” she says with a laugh and a wink.  
Remus chuckles. He waves then heads to his office.

*

When he opens his office door it’s like opening the floodgates of a damn. It appears James’ hockey bag exploded throwing his stuff everywhere. There's books and notebooks and sport equipment everywhere. Jame's desk is covered in toys and there are some posters now adorning the wall on his side. a speaker is sitting ontop of the desk playing music loudly. On top of that someone, mostly likely James, has shoved an ugly stained red couch against the wall beside the door leaving little space to even move. 

Someone he doesn’t know is lounging across the sofa, and Remus recognizes him as the handsome guy from Jame's social media. He was wearing a black leather jacket and a dark band t shirt, that Remus guess was probably from a rock band given the design. His jeans are ripped at the knees and he had his leather boots proped up on the arm rest of the sofa.  
James himself is standing on his desk chair with no shoes trying not to fall over as the chair wiggles under his weight as he's tossing cheesy poofs from an industrial sized tub he’s holding down onto the stranger to try and catch in his mouth. Unfortunately they are not very good at it and cheesy dust and balls are all over the floor. 

When Remus enters James freezes.

“Hey Remus.” He greets cheerily. “Want to join the game. I call it cheese hole.” James sounds proud of his made up game. Remus however is not. He does his best to keep a straight face. He’s not going to get anywhere freaking out especially since he knows he’s going to be working very closely with James for a long time. 

“Actually I came to get some work done” Remus says keeping his voice civil. 

“Sure no problem” James says jumping down from the chairs and crushing some cheese balls with his feet almost falling over. He hears the other guy on the couch snort with laughter at James’ almost wipe out.  
James reaches up and turns off his music and sits down in his chair putting away the giant tub of artificial neon orange snacks under his desk.

The guy on the couch makes an exaggerated yawn and sits up and Remus sits down at his desk. 

“Oh this is Sirius.” James says to Remus gesturing to his friend. Sirius is just as handsome as his photos on social media, if not more. Even with cheese dust in his hair and on his clothes. “He’s my brother and room mate. He’s also a grad student but in the astronomy department”.

Remus didn’t see the family resemblance. James was taller with bright brown eyes and warm brown skin, Sirius however was barely tan. But he decided not to question it. 

Remus forces a smile and says hi to Sirius. Then turns to turn on his computer.  
There's an awkward pause in the room as Remus waits for his computer to boot up.

“So ‘Sirius’ like the star?” Remus asked trying break the silence.He looks over at Sirius whose face is broken into a dervish grin similar to James’. The guy had a slight accent. French Remus concludes. 

“Ya. Brightest star in the sky. Suiting don’t you think?” Sirius replies placing his hands behind his head as he leans back into the couch raising his eyebrows at Remus. Sirius had a silky tenor voice and accent which Remus refused to admit to himself sounded very hot.

‘Wow’ Remus thinks ‘narcissistic much?’. Remus twist his mouth to the side in disbelieving and disapproving way trying not to say out loud what he thinks of this guy.

“Ya you’re both full of hot gas” James retorts throwing a random sock from god knows where at Sirius.

Sirius throws the sock back at James. James then precedes to get up and try and force the sock into Sirius’ face.

Remus doeshis best to ignore the scuffling and focus on reading his emails. If they he had any doubts about them being brothers this definitely proved they were. Eventually they stop and James sits back down. And surprisingly gorsto work on his own computer quietly. Remus carefully looks over at the couch in his peripheral without moving his face away from his computer.  
Sirius was again lounging on the couch a laptop now on his stomach. 

'Well I guess i’ll be having 2 offices mates here' he thinks bitterly.

The room stayed quiet for a good 2 hours while they all did their own thing. Eventually though Remus could tell it was lunch time as his stomach started to growl. When he gets up to leave James looks up and remus gives a smile and a one hand wave.

"Going for lunch. See ya later" he says side stepping the cheese poofs and a lacrosse ball at the door.

"Ya ok. Umm Remus sorry about the mess. Ill clean it up before you get back." James said ruffling his hair making it look even messier.

"Thanks James" Remus said as he left.

*

Sirius

 

Once Sirius heard the door close he shuts his laptop and sits up.

"You didn't tell me your office mate was so hot" Sirius says as James stands up.

Jame looks at him confused with eyebrows raised. 

“I didn’t think he would be your type you poof” James jabs at him with a smirk. Then bends down to start picking up cheese poofs from the floor.

Sirius raises his hands in his usual exaggerated fashion.

“A tall sandy blonde with amber eyes and an awesome ass? And with an accent. Ya how could you know?” Sirius says sarcastically.

“Well I usually don’t find myself checking out other blokes asses, especially my lab mates.”

“Breeders” Sirius mumbled back re opening his laptop. A cheese poof soars from James’ direction and hit him on the nose.

“ Forgive me for not realizing were into guys who wear sweater vest and cardigans. I bet he irons his socks” James retorts earning a laugh from bith of them.

“Well looks like this is going to become my new study space”. Sirius said with a mischievous smile. “I wonder if I can convince him to come out for drinks with me tonight”

James snorted. “Ya good luck with that” without any indication he actually wished him luck. “Just please don’t piss him off too much. I have to spend the next 3 summers working with the guy and I would rather he not hate me because you don’t know how to behave.”

Sirius rolls his eyes.

“I saw that. Come on help me pick this up.” James said.

*

Remus decided to try somewhere on campus for lunch. He walked around a few buildings until he found the place he had heard about online. A student run cafe that also made vegetarian lunch. 

Remus wasn’t a vegetarian, but it was either this or Stsrbucks since everything else on campus was closed. 

He orders a black tea and a grilled cheese sandwich and sits down in the far corner. The cafe was really nice and cozy. A girl with a million piercings was behind the counter cleaning and only a fee people were scattered around. 

All the chairs were mismatched, and the tables were rickety wood. The wall had paintings of fruits and veggies and a giant board filled with posters and want adds. Soft music was playing from a radio by the door. /the window beside him has a beautiful view of the river. 

Remus pulled out his book and read as he ate his lunch. He decided not to rush in hopes that James actually cleaned up while he was gone. 

 

Someone plopped down in the seat across from him. He looked up confused. It's pretty red head from the clinic. What was her names? … Lily. She was smiling at him putting down her cup of coffee. 

“Hey” she said cheerily. 

“Hi Lily” Remus said trying to not let his confusion blend into his voice.

“Mind if I join you?”She asked. Remus nodded politely.

“So how have you been?” She asked trying to strike up a conversation. Remus isn't use to pretty girls trying to talk to him voluntarily so he took a minute to process an answer.

“Uh good. Just got my office and met my office mate and all that. How are you?”

“Oh good. Classes start Monday so I’ve been getting ready. My usual lunch buddy ditched me today. Said he had a meeting or something.”

“You excited for classes?” He asked

“Oh yes I can’t wait. I love school.” She went on

“Me too” he said smiling.

They spent the net tow hours sitting there talking about everything. She talked about how she was excited to become a RN. Remus learned that Lily was the kindest person he ever met. No really her only ambition in life seemed to be to help people. Remus talked about his plans for the next 4 years. She seemed really interested in what he had to say about wolves and living out in the forest for the summer. Then they got on the topic of his job at the bookstore and then on to their favorite books. Remus talked about one he had just read called 'What if?' And Lily seemed intrigued.

“I have a copy in my office if you want to borrow it” he offered.

“I wouldn’t want to impose” she protested.

“No really it’s no problem. I like sharing books, as long as you promise to return it when you’re done” he said standing up and picking up his bag. She smiled and followed him out of the cafe.

They walked to the building his office was in together laughing and talking. When he got to his office he was happy to see the cheese poofs had been cleared up, but unfortunately that was the only mess James had considered a problem. James was sitting at his desk reading emails, and Sirius was napping on the couch. When they entered James looked up.

“Hey Remus how was….” James stopped mid sentence apparently lost for words staring at Lily as a deer caught in the headlights.

Remus raised his eyebrows at James but decided to ignore him. He went over and picked up the book and handed it to Lily.

“So lunch tomorrow?” He asked her . She smiled back at him taking the book.

“Same place same time?” She asked.

“Sure see you then”

And with that Lily left. Remus walked over and closed the door.

When he turned around James as still staring at the spot Lily had stood. Remus gave him a disappointed look.

“Wow is she your girl friend?” James asked still staring at the spot Lily had been in moments ago.

“Uh no, I met her yesterday. Were friends now I guess”he said scratching his head while he went over to his chair.  
James shook his head and turned towards him. 

“Di you know if she’s single?” He asked.

“Ummm. Not sure”

“Will you ask for me?”

Remus looked at him squinting.

“Uhhh I don’t know. I don’t think she would appreciate that”

“Oh” James said dejectedly looking pitiful. Remus smiled a little.

“How about this. As soon as I figure out if she’s single I’ll let you know”he offers.

James perked up at that face plastered with a goofy smile. 

“Ya awesome. Thanks Remus” he said. Remus smiled and went back to work.

He worked for a good 3 hours answering emails and installing programs he knew he would need. Eventually he heard a yawn from the couch as Sirius woke up. He stretched out across the couch making a scene of it dramatically.

“Prongs this couch is the comfiest thing I have ever napped on” he said as he sat up. “Oh Hey Handsome. When did you get back?” Sirius asked voice changing into an annoying sultry tone.

Remus sat up straight not turning unsure if he had heard that right.

When he turned he saw Sirius looking over at him with a award winning grin hair all disheveled from the nap.

“Uhhh.. excuse me what?” He said slowly and timidly it comes out very confused.

“Not use to devilishly good looking blokes calling you handsome?” Sirius replied raising his eye brows with eyes twinkling mischievously. Remus heard James snort behind him.

Remus ignored Sirius turning back to his computer. Not happy that Sirius was taking the Micky out of him. Sirius however did not like to be ignored. 

“Ok so handsome isn’t your favourite. How about sexy? Or …”

“Ok enough Pads” James cut in sounding just as annoyed as Remus felt.

“What?” Sirius said sounding fake offended.

“Behave or find somewhere else to hang out” James said teasingly.

“I am behaving”Sirius protested “What one can’t offer compliments to your lovely office mate over here”

James went to say something but Remus was starting to feel uncomfortable.  
He stood up and picked up his bag and helmet.

“I’m heading out. Got to get to work. Have a nice night James” he said opening the door and leaving.

He heard James turn to Sirius

“I hope your happy with yourself you idiot?”

“Not particularity” he heard Sirius reply.

*

Remus got to work early but still clocked in. The extra time was probably good for his pocket anyway. Diggory left as soon as he showed up saying he needed the night off. Remus didn’t mind Wednesdays were not usually busy. He spent his time sitting in one of the aisles reading some autobiographies and sipping the cup of tea he had gotten from next door. Only 2 people came in that night and Remus closed right on time. He went net door to pick up some take out before heading home. He was still feeling very sore when he got back to his room but forced himself to make his bed. He had almost completely forgotten about the disaster this morning.

He sat in his armchair and ate his club sandwich and chips checking his phone. Lily had started following him which he smiled at. And he had an email from James which was odd.

He opened it.

Hey Remus,

Sorry about Sirius. He usually isn’t so, well obnoxious is one word for it. I hope he didn’t upset you too much. If he ever becomes too annoying let me know and I can kick him out.

Sorry again

James.

Remus sighed. Well at least James felt sorry he thought. He fell asleep in his arm chair scrolling through Sirius’s photos trying to convince himself he wasn’t even that handsome. The guy appeared to have a big gooft side. Maybe he was just joking around with him. He then decided to look up Lily’s pictures which were mostly made up of a big fat fluffy cat.


	3. Chapter 3: Diagnosis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus meets Severus, James acts like and idiot and Remus get some devastating news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to mention that I don;t know a lot about HIV and such, and i'm almost 100% this isn't how diagnosis happens but it's for the story even the shitty doctor.

The next two days for Remus went by pretty normally. He would wake up feeling terrible, haul himself out of bed and head to campus. Thursday was a peaceful day of working silently beside James since Sirius wasn’t there. Although a short pudgy boy with blonde hair named Peter came by at lunch time to hang out with James and eat their packed lunches. Peter was nice to Remus and they talked a bit before Remus headed out to lunch with Lily. Friday at his office was a little more hectic James showed up with Sirius not long after Remus settled himself in. As expected it was as if a classroom full of toddlers had just rushed in his office. James was loud enough on his own, with Sirius egging him on he was like an air raid siren went off. Sirius was no better himself. Remus pulled out his headphones to block out the hurricane that went on behind him. 

This plan worked for quite a long time until he felt two large hands land on his shoulder causing him to jump and gasp in shock. Turning around he saw Sirius grinning down at him. Sirius said something that Remus couldn’t hear since his headphones were still on.

Apparently he had said something along the lines of ‘hey let me steal your headphones without asking’ because he took the headphones off his head and put them on himself.

“ Oh this is just birds singing” Sirius said looking disappointed.

Remus turned his chair and stood up to take his headphones back glaring at Sirius. He looked over at James who’s own headphones were on making him oblivious to the room around him. 

“ It’s a soundscape” Remus retorted sitting back down and turning his back on Sirius and putting his headphones back on.

 

For lunch Thursday and Friday he met up with Lily and they chatted while they ate. Remus was really starting to like Lily. They had exchanged numbers and Remus found himself texting back and forth with her most of the day. He found out she had a sister, who according to Lily was really stuck up and a social climber. They didn’t get along since her sister told her that being a nurse was the equivalent of being a maid. Lily sounded as if she was the opposite person of her sister. Remus couldn’t think of a single person Lily probably wouldn’t care about. It was nice to have a friend, Remus found his days were much better when he could talk to someone and share funny stories with someone.

By the time Saturday came along Remus was thankful for having the late night shift. He stayed in bed until noon catching up on sleep and giving his aching bones a well deserved rest. At noon he rolled over and picked up his phone to see a text from lily.

Lily [ Good morning sleepyhead ]

Lily [ Time to get up lazy bum ]

Remus smiled and took a selfie of himself rolled up in his blankets hair disheveled, eye crusty and stubble starting to darken his face. He sent it with the message.

Remus [ Never! I’m never leaving this bed ever again ] 

Lily [ Sexy. I feel sorry for whoever has to wake up beside that ]

Remus [ As if I would share this luxurious twin sized bed with anyone ] 

Lily [ lol you prude ]  
.  
Lily [ Hey do you want to hang out tonight? ]

Remus [ Sorry can’t I’m working ] 

Lily [ Boooooo. You’re always working :( ]

Remus [ I like having a roof over my head and food in my belly Thank you very much. Plus i'm already behind on tuition ]

Lily [ Fine, but you owe me ]

Remus sighed and rolled out of bed. Stretching he heard ever bone in his body pop one by one. Ooh that wasn’t good.  
He slowly sauntered to the bathroom and took a very long hot shower. He could feel his headache clearing and his muscles relaxing in the steam. 

After his shower he went downstairs to make something to eat since his stomach was growling. He managed to down a giant breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast, beans, and a giant glass of chocolate milk. He was kept company while eating by misses Hopkins who came in from her gardening to tell him all about her bridge club drama and nag at him for looking too skinny. 

The day was cloudy and cooler as he biked to work. The shop was pretty busy for even for a Saturday. Mostly it was literature student who had finally gotten their reading lists and were looking for used version of the books they needed. The store didn’t die down until around 7. Remus leaned against a shelf getting his bearings. Even though he slept half the day he was feeling over tired. 

“You ok there Remus?” Diggory asked from down the aisle while he was re stocking. 

“Ya, I’ve just been feeling under the weather for the past week.” 

“ Go take a break then. I got it under control here”

Remus walked to the back of the store and collapsed in an arm chair that they had in the corner and closed his eyes. 2 hours left he told himself. His phone buzzed under him from his back pocket and he pulled it out.

Lily [ Hey do you work at the bookstore in the market? ]

Remus [ Ya why? ]

Lily [ I saw you inside just now as I was walking by. Can I come in and say hi?]

Remus [Sure np ]

Remus heard the store door open and got up to go to the front. 

Lily stood by the door waving at him. He smiled and went over to her. 

“Wow this is such a cool store” she said looking around.

“Ya it’s pretty awesome” Remus said

“Do you guys have any books on medicine?”

“Ya some in the back. Come I’ll show you”

Remus lead Lily to the back and showed her the small section they had with old medical textbooks and reference materials. He watched her browse for a bit as she started telling him about the books she recognized. She picked a book up and sat on the floor patting the spot beside her from Remus to join. She shuffled closer and draped the book across both their laps. And she started showing him some stuff he didn’t understand that well, never the less he listened intently trying to understand.

“Lily there you are. I turned around and you had disappeared…. Who are you?” A voice said from the end of the aisle. 

Remus looked up to see a guy with a long pointed face and large hooked nose. He had dead black eye and shoulder length greasy black hair. His all black clothes gave him the appearance of a bat or a vampire. He was glaring at Remus.

“Oh Severus. Sorry I thought you heard me say I was going in the bookstore.”

Severus continued to glare daggers at Remus. Remus stared back keeping his face blank.

“This is my friend Remus from school. Remus this is my friend Severus.” Lily continued.

Severus didn’t say anything so Remus decided to be the better person and be polite.

“Hello Severus. It’s nice to meet you. Lily says a lot of great things about you.” That was a lie. Lily hadn’t mentioned Severus before. 

“Severus lips twitted and he grunted out a “hmmm” in reply. Then he turned to look at Lily. “We should get to the pub before they give our table away” He said his face and voice becoming more pleasant to address Lily.

“Oh Yes, umm why don’t you go ahead and I’ll catch up in a minute” Lily said.

Severus didn’t look like he wanted to leave without Lily , but none the less he slowly turned around and left. When Remus heard the shop door close he turned to Lily.

“So is he like your boyfriend?” 

Lily frowned.

“No he’s just my friend. Sorry he’s just like that because he’s not good at meeting new people. He’ll lighten up once he get to know you.” Lily said going back to her cheery voice.

“Sure sure” Remus said not believing her optimistic stance. 

“Anyway I should go” Lily said closing the book and putting it in his lap. She leaned over and gave him quick hug and left.  
Remus sat there for a bit trying to process the weird interaction he just had. Deciding that some questions were better left unasked. He got up and went to go help Diggory restock. 

*

The next day around lunch time Lily stopped by the store again and invited him out for lunch. They headed next door to the cafe. He sat there and listened to Lily rant about her night and her friend Severus. He learned quickly that after the book store Severus hadn’t been the nicest and kept bugging Lily about him. Apparently Severus had warned her that he didn’t look like a good person and was worried someone like him would take advantage of her. Remus laughed at that.

“I mean who does he think he is my dad?” Lily went on. “Anyway I’m sorry for complaining to you.”

“Don’t worry about it. What are friend for?” Remus said sipping his hot chocolate. Lily smiled up at him at that. And reached reached across to put her hand over his when he put his mug back down. It was such soft gesture Remus wasn’t use to but he smiled back non the less.

“Oh by the way I have your book. It was really good. Thanks for suggesting it.”she said pulling her hand back and reaching into her bag on the floor.

“REMUS!” A voice called out from the other side of the cafe. Remus lowered his eyes and recoiled a bit as he recognized the voice. He looked up to see James heading towards him with Sirius right on his heels and farther back the chubby blonde Peter carefully balancing 3 hot drinks.

Lily looked up to to see who it was and quickly turned to him to raise her eyebrows in mocking. Lily knew how much Remus’ office mate irritated him.

James took the seat beside Lily and Sirius annoyingly sat down beside Remus draping his arm around his shoulder. While Peter sat on the other side watching amused as James smiled at Lily trying to flash her a flirty look. Unfortunately James wasn’t as smooth as Sirius. 

“And how is my gorgeous Remus and his lovely friend doing today?” Sirius said smiling at Remus and Lily. Remus pushed Sirius’s arm off of himself and glared at him. 

“Were fine.” Lily said looking over at Sirius.

“Oh I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced” Sirius said to her obviously ignoring Remus’ cold stare. 

“I’m Sirius Black, This my loyal friend Peter Pettigrew, and my devilishly handsome and available brother James Potter” Sirius said dramatically introducing everyone with grand hand gestures.

Lily frowned at Sirius. 

“Yes I know who you guys are Remus told me about you.” She said

“Only good things I hope” Sirius said turning to Remus and winking. Remus ignored him and tried to hide his blushing face by sipping at his cocoa.

“Sure nice things” Lily said sarcastically. Remus loved Lily, she was much better at dealing with idiots than him.

James continued to smile at her as if he was lost in thought. Eventually he stuttered out.

“Your … your very pretty. I like your hair” 

Lily gave him confused look as if James had called her a mountain troll.

She stood up. “Come on Remus I have to go meet up with Alice, and you should get back to work.”

Remus knew an exit excuse when he saw one and jumped up and scooted past Peter to get out. 

“See you later gum drop” Sirius called after Remus while James still gawked into space after Lily. 

Once out of the cafe Lily turned to him for answers. 

“Text you later about it” Remus said as he went into the bookstore. He decided to stick the back shelves today just in case James, Sirius and Peter decided to walk by the window.

*

Lily [ So is that your boyfriend? :p] 

Remus was sitting in his armchair in his room reading a book and drinking some tea when the text message came in. She was obviously teasing him.

Remus [ Haha very funny. I don’t know what his problem is ]

Lily [Maybe his problem is that he likes a certain someone ]

Remus [ I highly doubt that. Anyway he’s too far out of my league ]

Lily [ Oh so you do like him?]

Remus [ I do not. Don’t be dense ] 

Lily [sure sure whatever you say]

Lily [ So is it all guys or just Sirius you don’t like?]

Remus paused at that. He wasn't sure if he was ready to talk about this. He knew he liked guys he had known since Tommy Langley had kissed him behind the gym at prom when they both had ditched their dates. Kissing Tommy had been different then kissing his high school girl friend Tonks. She was soft and cautious, Tommy on the other hand had been well…. awesome. However the whole time he had kissed him his fathers voice had rang through his head “homosexuality is a sin, it should be illegal. Our whole country is going down the drain…”

That night he felt guilty and ashamed. He quickly tried to fix his mistake by sleeping with Tonks. Sleeping with her was amazing. She was warm and soft, and her breath on his chest had felt nice. There was no doubt he was attracted to her . He didn’t last very long but the short interaction had thrown Tommy from his mind. 

The next encounter he had with a guy was in his first year of undergrad. Tonks had just broken up with him and the guy across the hall from him had offered to hang with him to cheer him up. Remus can’t remember how but he ended up sleeping with him only to wake up the next morning and sneak out. He spent the rest of the year awkwardly avoiding the guy.

Other than that Remus’ love life was almost non existent except whatever happened this summer, which Remus refused to even think about. Every time his mind started to think about it he pushed it out deciding it was better to force himself to forget.

Instead of answering Lily he decided to ignore her and turn the conversation back on her.

Remus [James seems a little smitten with you. And by a little I mean he’s absolutely fallen hard]

No reply for a bit.

Lily [James is an idiot]

Remus [ So you do like him]

Lily [I don’t even know him]

Remus [I could change that for you] he teased

Lily [No thank you]

Remus [you sure. He asked me to ask if you were single]

Lily [I hate you. Anyway got to go]

Remus [love you too. bye]

*

The next day the campus was crowded. The undergrads had officially arrived. The bike rack was almost full when he went to park it outside his office building. The sky was cloudy and dark and it had cooled down even more which meant he had put on a sweater today.

When he walked into his office he let out a groan as he was greeted to the sight of James at his desk with Sirius sitting up on it facing James and talking to him.

Sirius opened his mouth the probably say something inappropriate to him but he held up his hand to silence him. 

“Not today Sirius. I’m not feeling well.”

Miraculously Sirius nodded.

Remus slumped in his chair and rubbed his face groaning.

“You all right mate? Maybe you should take the day off” James said turning to face Remus.

Remus put his head down on his desk.

“Ya I’ll be fine. I've had this cold thing all week . Just tired I guess” He grumbled.

He heard the office door open and close but didn’t look up. 

“I have some Advil and Tylenol here if you want” James offered.

“No I already took some” Remus replied keeping his head buried. 

He heard the office door open and close again the a tap on his shoulder.

He looked up to see Sirius holding out a steaming mug of tea.

Remus sat up and took it hesitantly.

“Uhh thanks Sirius” He said trying to sound as grateful as he felt. 

“No problem Sirius said rest his hand on Remus’ arm briefly before going to lay on the couch. Remus turned to face his monitor the place where Sirius had patted his arm still arm to the touch. Butterflies filling his stomach, which he quickly drowned with hot tea.

*

Some time before lunch his phone went off. He quickly picked it up and headed out to the hallway to answer it.

“Hey Remus it’s Lily. I’m calling for the Clinic”

“Oh hey Lily what’s up?”

“I was calling to see if you can come in today the doctor has made an emergency appointment for you.” Her voice sounds less chipper than it usually did.

That can’t be good Remus thinks.

“Uhh sure, when?”

“Well we’re pretty busy today so right before lunch is all we have. Would 10:30 work?”

“Sure see you then”

*

Remus went down to the clinic at 10:30 and was greeted by a grumpy old receptionist. He was hoping to see Lily but she wasn’t the person to call him into the exam room. After the longest 10 minutes of his life the Doctor from last time came into the room. He didn’t say anything as he at down across from Remus. He shuffled some papers and went over them quickly. 

“Mr.Lupin your white blood cell count was low during your first blood test, so I ordered some other tests and unfortunately Mr.Lupin you test positive fort he human immunodeficiency virus.”

The doctor paused to stare at him while Remus processed what he was just told. Remus however stared back confused.

“I have what?” He asked his voice cracking.

“You have HIV” the doctor repeated sounding a little impatient.

“No there’s no way, is there another test?” Remus went on his voice getting smaller as he went.

“Have you recently had a blood transfusion?”

“No”

“Do you share needles or syringes with others?”

“No of course not”

“Have you had unprotected sex?”

“Ummmm” Remus really didn’t want to answer that. He looked down at the floor his face turning red his body twitching to run out of the room.

“Exactly what I thought” The doctor said writing on the clipboard with indifference. “You’ll have to contact the people, men I’m assuming, who you have slept with and notify them to get tested.” The doctor said with a disgusted inflection in his voice 

“Mr.Lupin there is no cure for HIV however there are drugs that can be taken to delay or halt the infection. Here” He said handing Remus some booklets and pages on info.  
“Read through those and it’ll answer your questions. In the meantime I’m wiring you a prescription and you need to be sure to take them everyday. I’m also going to send you for more blood work. We will be sending you to another doctor downtown who specializes in this. Any questions?”

The doctor said the information as if he was reading a check list. Remus was still in shock even if his brain had a question he wouldn’t be able to get it out. The only thing running through his head was ‘what just happened?

The doctor apparently took his silence as a sign he was all done and he left the room. Remus just sat staring at the wall.

This can’t be happening he kept thinking. Omg my life is over. I’m going to die. My father is going to kill me. I’m going to be alone and then die. There’s no way this is right. I can’t have…. HIV. The silence in the room seem to close in on him.

It could have been a minute it could have been an hour but eventually the door creaked open slowly.

“Remus?” A voice said quietly.

Lily’s head peered into the room taking in the sight of Remus sitting there like a statue. She slowly came over to him.

“Remus it’s ok” she said sitting beside him taking his hand and rubbing it lovingly.

With the warmth of Lily beside him and the initial shock wearing off Remus began to snap out of his daze. Hopelessness and fear washed over him he felt tears begin to well up in his eyes and soon he was crying.

Lily opened her arms and held him in a hug he buried his face in her shoulder and sobbed unable to stop. Lily pat his back and shed him occasionally telling him it would be ok. He was thankful in that moment to have a friend there to ground him.


	4. Chapter 4: Faded memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus breaks down as he remembers the worst memory he has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning. Rape scene described below

The next 2 weeks were a blur. Remus moved through life completely separate from his body. He got more blood work done, he saw a doctor downtown who confirmed he had in fact contracted HIV, and any hope he had completely faded. He instead filled his prescription and spent most of his days reading about his disease, an activity that left him more hopeless than before. The whole time it felt as if he was someone else watching the life of a stranger from afar. Lily kept checking in with him but he didn’t know what to say to her. So he usually just said one word answer to let her know he got the texts. At work he avoided Diggory and tended to hide from customer or say very little to them. He stoped going into his office and instead did a little bit of work from home. He went to his first class Wednesday but spent most of the time lifting in and out of his daydream like state.  
When Saturday came around he stayed in bed all day not having to do anything until Monday. HE only got up once to grab a bag of potatoes chips and a a jug of orange juice which he snacked on between naps and watching videos on his phone. Lily kept texting him but he ignored them. He didn’t want to hear people tell him what to do today.   
Remus could see the sun going down in his window when he heard a knock at his door. He groaned and pulled the cover up higher and curling into a ball. Maybe Misses Hopkins would think he was out. Another knock. Remus stayed very still listening.  
A knock again. Then. “ Remus I know your in there open up”  
What was Lily doing here Remus thought.  
Remus heard the door open as Lily let herself in. He felt the bed being him depress as Lily sat down. He felt a hand on his back gently caressing it.  
“Your grandma is really nice” Lily said quietly.  
Remus rolled over to look at her a smile finally crossing his face for the first time in 5 days.  
“She’s not my grandma. Just my land lady. Although she cooks like my grandma.”  
Lily let out a little laugh.  
“I’m jealous. The only thing my room mate Alice can cook is canned soup.”  
Silence.  
“Come on get dressed” Lily said in a commanding tone.   
“Lily I don’t really…”  
“I don’t care get up.”  
Remus decided it was best not to fight and sat up. Lily got up and went to his closet and grabbed some clothes and threw them at him.   
“I’ll give you five minute to get your sorry butt dressed before I come in here and dress you myself.” Lily threatened.  
She left and Remus decided to get dressed since Lily wasn’t one to throw empty threats.  
When he was ready he went into the hallway where he saw Lily waiting.   
“Come on we’re going to my place.” She said heading down the stairs. Remus followed her.  
*  
Lily Had a small apartment by the park. It was cozy and smelled like baked goods. He was greeted at the door by a giant fat very fluffy black cat which meowed up at him and demanded to be pet. She made him sit at the kitchen table while she made pasta, and then made him eat at least two bowls. He was thankful she didn’t bug him with any questions, mostly she just talked to herself and shared some stories about her roommate who was apparently out on a date tonight.  
After dinner Lily put on a movie and she invited him on the couch. When he sat down she wrapped her arm around him and he fell into her shoulder scotching down to fall into the cuddle. She smelled like flowers and was warm. It felt nice to have someone hold him and just sit there even if they didn’t say anything. He didn’t deserve a friend like Lily. The movie was cheesy and girly but Remus wasn’t really watching he was mostly trying to clear his thought. That night early this spring kept coming back into his head.   
Remus had just moved in a month ago. He had gotten the job at the bookstore earlier that week and had decided to visit the pub next door one night. He sat at the bar drinking scotch and watching the news on the tv off in the corner. The pub was busy since it was a Friday night, and music was playing as people came in and out. He didn’t know how many drinks he had had but he was starting to sway in his chair and his vision was moving in slow motion. He didn’t even notice when someone sat down in the seat beside him until the guy put a hand on his shoulder.  
Remus had looked up to see a handsome guy with short dark hair. His arms were like pythons and his eyes were sparkling silver. He had a big scar across his face but it didn’t distract from how good looking this guy was.   
“What’s your poison?” The guy asked.  
“Uh, Scotch” Remus said trying not to slur his words lifting his glass that was still half filled.  
The guy waved to the bartender and asked for two more.  
“I don’t see you here often” The guy continued  
“I just moved here.” Remus replied.  
The bartender came over and slide them two more scotch glasses. The guy took them and handed one to Remus.Remus downed his half finished one and took the other.  
“Cool. Why did you move here?” The guy asked sipping his own drink.  
“School. I start in the fall” Remus replied starting on his new drink. The guy smiled at him and Remus felt a large hand touch his thigh. The guy had moved a little closer and was looking at him with a lustful look. Realizing what was happening Remus took another large sip. A hot guy was actually hitting on him, and honestly he wasn’t too thrilled about it. The guy was handsome but something about him made him uncomfortable. He moved his leg away but the guy moved with him to keep the contact.  
“So what are you studying?” The guy persisted his hand moving further up. Remus squirmed but felt too dizzy to move further away. He also felt uncomfortable right now no one was looking at them and he really didn’t want to make a scene. He was new here and didn’t know what to do.  
“Uh I got to go” Remus said out loud he took another sip of his drink and placed the empty glass down on the bar. He stood up and headed for the door. Stumbling a little as he went. The last complete memory he had was himself heading out the door into the deserted street.   
After that he only has snippets of memories.  
The guy from the bar holding him up against a brick wall in what approved to be an alley beside a dumpster. The guys mouth biting down on his neck one arm holding him against the wall the other slowly lifting up his shirt. Too confused and drunk to push back.  
A strong hand grabbing at his hair painfully forcing him to his knees.  
Having his head forced against the pavement as something large and hot pressed against his back. A hand reaching around him to undo his pants. The sound of a belt being undone.  
And then he woke up miraculously at home. Laying on the floor beside his bed. Bruises all over his collarbone and neck. Face scarped. His head throbbing painfully and an uncomfortable stinging in his backside. Mouth tasting like dry and terrible.  
He spent the morning on the floor of the shower water turned as hot as it would go pouring down his back as he sobbed.   
He was such an idiot. He should have never drank that much, should have never gone out. He shoved what he remembered from the previous night to the back of his head. He would forget this ever happened and never put himself in that position again.  
*  
Remus went through that memory while safe in Lily’s arms staring at the movie but not catching anything that was happened. The realization coming to him on how he need up in this position tarnished with an incurable disease that would leave him alone and undesirable for the rest of his life.  
“Lily?” he said in barley a whisper.  
“Ya Remus?”  
“I think I was raped” He choked out trying his best not to cry. “I’m so sorry”   
“Ohh sweetheart no. no it’s not your fault.” Lily cooed as she hugged him higher putting her face down into his hair, he red hair falling over onto his cheek. “It’s going to be alright ok. I’m going to be here for you.”  
With that Remus let himself cry against against Lily while she held him.


	5. Chapter 5: Jealousy and Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus becomes jealous, James manages to not make a complete fool of himself. Remus tries really hard not to notice some things.

Remus woke up to the smell of coffee and pancakes. He opened one eye and squinted though the bright light that was flooding the room. It took him a minute to realize where he was. He was curled in on Lily’s sofa. At some point last night she must have put a pillow under his head and draped the quilt onto of him. His usually aching was a little less today, but he had a giant crick in his neck from sleeping on a sofa. 

“Morning” Lily musically called from the kitchen holding a spatula and wearing an apron. She was the image of a breakfast making angel.

“Morning” He replied sitting up and stretching. 

“Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes” Lily said turning back to the stove.

“Awesome” He said standing and heading to the washroom.

He quickly peed and then washed his hands and splashed some water in his face. He quickly looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes had dark bags under them and he looked very pale. He brushed his hair back with his hands. He looked like death.

*  
Lily had just flipped the last pancake when she heard the doorbell ring. She let out a sigh. Leave it to Alice to stay out all night and then forget her key. She wiped her hands on her aprons and went to open the door. She was shocked to see Severus standing there smiling.

“Hey Lils. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to the park today?” Severus said stepping inside.

“Uh sure. Is it ok if I invite a friend of mine along?” Lily asked 

“Of course” Severus replied but his smiling fading a little. However when Lily smiled back at him his smile cam back full force.

Just then Lily heard the bathroom door open and Remus cam into the room pulling at his cardigan. Remus froze when he saw Severus standing just inside the entrance to the joint living room kitchen. 

“Oh hi” Remus said shyly waving a little.

Severus face dropped as if he had just smelled something very unpleasant. He turned away from Remus to face Lily.

“What is he doing here?” Severus asked in a slow sharp drawl.

Lily frowned up at him. She felt herself go a little pink in the face. Obviously she knew what this looked like especially this early in the morning. The blankets still on the couch, Remus looking disheveled and tired, Lily making pancakes, Alice gone. But Lily shook her head. Even if it was like that it was none of Severus’ business even if he he thought Remus was just trying to take advantage of her.

“ Oh I invited Remus over that last, and he fell asleep on the couch” Lily said refusing to acknowledge Severus disappointing look. Lily saw Remus shift his weight from foot to foot obviously uncomfortable.

“Hmmm so it would seem” Severus said looking away from Lily and looking over at Remus his expression Turing murderous which was very not like Severus the look made her feel very uncomfortable. 

After about a minute of Severus staring at Remus and Remus looking anywhere but at him Remus was the one to break the silence.

“Ummm I think I’ll just go” he said finally looking up. “Thanks so much Lily for last night” he added heading toward them to get to the door. 

“Remus you don’t have to go” Lily protested stepping towards him.

Remus looked over at Severus who was still glaring daggers at Remus. Lily felt a surge of anger. Severus had no right to treat her friend like this.

Remus shook his head. “No I have to go anyway. I have some homework to do plus I left my meds at home” He said the last bit in a low voice so only lily could hear. 

Lily frowned but took a step closer and hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek trying to convey her worry for him.

“Text me ok” She said as Remus broke the hug blushing deep red in the face and headed to the door.

“I will” he said.

Lily watched as Remus had to side step Severus as he didn’t move out of the door way to let him by and then as he disappeared into the hall. 

When she heard the front door close she turned to Severus.

“What is up with you?” She asked trying not to shout.

Severus face had softened and now he looked pathetically upset. 

“ I don’t trust that guy. There’s something about him. He’s hiding something. I don’t want him hurting you” Severus said suddenly interested in examining his shoes.

“ He’s a great guy, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. And anyway he’s going through a tough time right now and just needed a friend.” Lily said huffing at how irrupted she was a Severus.

“What’s wrong with him then?” Severus asked in challenge. 

Lily paused looking towards the door.

“None of your business” She retorted.

Severus huffed but didn’t push it further. 

“Well you might as well come in and have pancakes” Lily said crossing her arms and heading towards the kitchen.

Severus looked up his smile returned to his face and followed her.

*

Remus was greeted by a cheer as he went into his office on Monday.

“Remus you’re back!” James said getting up and clapping him on the back. 

“What’s up buttercup? Why were you gone for so long?” Sirius said from the couch smiling up at him.

“Oh I’ve been sick.” He said looking down at his feet.

“You ok?” James asked voice turning to concern.

“Ya, I’m good now” Remus replied trying very hard to sound happy and optimistic even though he knew he would never be fine again.

“Good wouldn’t want to loose my favourite office mate” James said sitting back down. Remus gave a small smile and sat down too.

“Hey what am I then?” Sirius protested. 

James turned to him. “For the last time this isn’t your office you squatter”

“Hey you wouldn’t last a day in my office. Bella and Cissy as the worst. Plus Sinister is never around. It’s essentially hell”

“Ya I bet it is” James said sympathetically.

Remus put his headphone on as James and Sirius began a pretty loud conversation. Today he had to catch up on work.

*

The next month went by pretty normally. He spent a lot of time with Lily when he wasn’t in class, working in his office or at the bookstore. Every time he ran into Severus he would just give him an evil stare which Remus pointedly ignored. 

Remus had tried to get Lily to visit him at his office but after one incident where James had called her hair more beautiful then a sunset and then proceeding to spill hot coffee all over his chest and thus shout out some pretty bad swear words, while Sirius interrogated her on if she was his girlfriend, she decided to avoid his office. 

So most work days he was left to fend for himself. Headphones worked to drown out the arguments and loud conversations between the two with the occasional Peter joining in. However it was hard to ignore Sirius when he really wanted to be notice. He would take Remus’s headphone off and hold them behind his back demanding a kiss for their return. Or he would come up behind him and drape himself across his shoulder and try and read whatever it was Remus was doing on his computer. It was an endless barrage of cheesy nicknames and questions about his life and invitations to dinner or movies, or worst of all back to his place (usually accompanied with eyebrow wiggles). Remus was finding it harder and harder to ignore him. He would feel his face turn red and flush with heat and try and turn away, but Sirius seemed to take that as a good sign and didn’t stop. 

James stepped in a few times to stop it but James was an idiot and seemed to find amusement watching the two of them. 

Remus enjoyed the days when it was just him and James. James was a fun guy to hang with. He was full of jokes, and everything seemed to excite him. The only annoying thing was that James often asked about Lily. Which was fine the first 100 times but now it was getting tiresome.

“Why don’t you just talk to her like a normal person” Remus protested.

“I cannot I always mess up. I need you to be my wing man Remus. Tell her I play Lacrosse. Oh no even better take her to my lacrosse practice tonight.” James said eye lighting up at his idea.

“Uhhh I’m not sure…”Remus began.

“Pleeeaaaaase Remus Pleeeeeaaaaaaaasssse” James begged looking over at him with big blinking doe eyes.

“Fine, but I’m not promising anything” He said giving in.

He texted Lily and invited her. He didn’t mention James at all knowing that would immediately make her bail. 

*

Remus stayed late to work and met up with Lily around 8pm. They headed to the field together and settled in the stands as the team started to come out running around the track and stretching. 

“So why did you want to come watch a lacrosse practice?” She asked looking at him confused.

“Uhhhh”Remus began trying to figure out a lie. He was distracted when he looked over to the middle of the field and saw a similar face. Sirius was standing beside James stretching his calves his hair up in a bun on his head and his but squeezed into some tights. James stood beside him in a similar outfit except James shirt and legging cut left more to the imagination since he had a hoodie on top.

Lily followed his gave and saw what he was looking at. 

“Oh I get it now” She said giving him an eyebrow raise. “Can’t say I blame you. Sirius looks pretty good in tights” She said elbowing him.

Remus shook his head and turned to face her. 

“What!… no.. What? Sirius?” He stuttered out.

Lily laughed at him. He frowned at her. 

James and Sirius began to jog around the track as they passed the stands James waved up to Lily over eagerly and Sirius tripped him since he wasn’t paying attention. His laughter rang out as James got up and pushed him back face red in embarrassment and then kept running. Sirius turned to them in the stands and winked than took off after James.

Remus looked over to see Lily watching James continue his run around the track she had. Smile and her cheeks were flushed in an obvious blush. 

Huh? James’ plan actually worked Remus thought in disbelief. 

*

Practice went late until 10:30 and when the coach blew the whistle Remus and Lily were bundled up together sharing Lily’s giant scarf as a blanket against the cool autumn breeze.

James and Sirius headed towards them middy and sweaty, and Remus had to make an active effort not to stare inappropriately at Sirius. 

“Hey were meeting Peter at the pub do you guys want to come?” James said grinning widely probably at the fact Lily was still sitting here.

Remus looked over at Lily who just nodded.

“Awesome we’ll just go shower and change and then head over.” Jame said skipping away trying to hide his delight. Sirius rolled his eyes at James and followed him.


	6. Chapter 6: Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pub shenanigans, life moving on, and a confusing Halloween party

Sirius walked back to the table in the far corner of the pub that everyone was sat at balancing all the drinking in his arms.  
“One whiskey sour for the lovely miss Evans. One blasphemous gluten free beer for Mr. Pettigrew, One confusing order of Hot chocolate with one shot of Kahlua for the handsome Mr.Lupin, And finally two old fashions for me and my best friend” Sirius said placing the drinks in front of their respective people.  
With that he crawled under the table to get to the seat directly in the middle of the booth abasing the corner. Pushing James aside so he could squeeze himself between Remus and James. Sirius eye lit up when he saw Remus smiling broadly at his antic and ignore James grumbling that Sirius fat butt had sat on his hand.  
“So Remus did you enjoy how awesome my ass looked my my tights?” Sirius asked turning towards Remus.He was delighted to see Remus choke on his Hot chocolate in response face turning red with the chocolate running down his chin.He quickly wiped it on his sweater sleeve. Beside him Lily laughed.  
“Ahhh you even choke sexy” Sirius said teasingly putting an arm around Remus which was immediately thrown off.  
“Give him a break Sirius” James said not even looking over at the shenanigans Sirius got up to anymore.Sirius was getting the feeling he was getting pretty predictable if James was already bored of it.  
“So Lily what do you do?” Peter asked kindly.  
“Oh I’m a nursing student. Well I’m already nurse I’m studying to become a RN”  
“Wow that’s cool.” Pete went on. “I always wanted to be a nurse but I’m terrible at remembering stuff like giving people there medicine. My mom says I would have killed someone” Peter went on.  
“So what do you do ?” Lily asked  
“Uh I’m a lab assistant for the pharmacology department I take care of their test mice, and do all the boring work.” Peter went on looking down at his drink.  
“Wow that’s really cool” Lily said earnestly. Peter looked up face lighting up.  
“Really? “ he asked. Sirius knew Peter felt like he wasn’t good at much and his job was inadequate compared to his and James’.  
“Ya” Lily said “So pharmacology huh. Do you know a Severus Snape? He a friend of mine who’s developing some drugs for his lab” Lily went on.  
At that Peters face went pale. He merely just nodded and went back to studying the foam on his beer.  
Sirius knew all about this Snape. Peter had told James and him all about him. The guy seemed to have it out for Peter. He apparently would mock and question Petes intelligence and make him redo things for no reasons other than being a jerk. Earning him the name Sniviellus in their apartment. If Sirius ever met the guy he would give him a piece of his mind.  
Sirius was more shocked Lily claimed to be friends with the jerk ball. He wanted to question her about it maybe grill her a little for associating his such a terrible person but seeing Peter’s face he decided now probably wasn’t the time and elbowed James to change the subject.  
“So Lily Remus tells me you work at the clinic any chance I can stop by and play… Owwww”James started but Sirius stepped on his foot hard knowing that Acmes was about to put his foot in his mouth.  
Lily was growing at the thing James had almost said but Remus was quietly laughing into his hot chocolate which made Sirius’s heart flutter a little. When Remus laughed his brain seemed to shut down. Remus’ got these little dimples in his cheeks which were so cute.  
Sirius figured the fate of the night was up to him.  
“How about we get to know each other a little more” He suggested. “How about a game of never have I ever. If you have done something someone says you have to take a drink.”  
“What are we 15?” James said teasingly.  
“Come on drinks on me” Sirius’s said knowing James could never turn down free alcohol.  
“Fine”James said. “But I get to go first. Never have I ever had my roommate walk in on me jerking it in the kitchen while waiting for my toaster strudels to pop” Turning to Sirius with an eye glint in his eye making Sirius take the first drink.  
*  
Two hours later and 6 old fashions down Sirius was pretty sure we was properly drunk. Beside him James was in the same boat. Peter was tipsy, but could probably still find his way home if need be. Lily was pink face and talking louder than usually leaning against Remus for support.  
The only person who wasn’t the least tipsy was Remus who had only just started his second hot chocolate. Overall Remus hadn’t done a lot only Lily knew enough to get him to have a drink. Sirius was trying tho, there’s no way someone could be that well behaved.  
James raised his glass for attention he looked over at Sirius eyes twinkling mischievously. “Never have I ever had a one night stand with a bloke.”  
Sirius laughed and took two shots for that. To his right he saw lily take a sip and to his surprise Remus who glanced around shyly before raising his mug. Sirius heart jumped. Yes! Yes, yes yes yes YAAASSS! His mind was screaming. Maybe he did have a chance.  
“Remus!?” James said in mocking surprise pretending to have a city British accent. “I knew you had a naughty streak in you” James teased.  
Remus just turned very red and looked down at his hands folded on the table.  
“Ah don’t be embarrassed sweety pie” Sirius said dropping his arm over Remus. “James is just jealous he couldn’t get laid even if he tried.” Sirius teased. Under him he felt Remus laugh a little. He was happy to notice Remus didn’t throw off his arm this time.Overjoyed he readjusted to hold him closer enjoying how warm he felt beside him.  
“Ok my turn” Peter piped of slurring his words. “Never have I ever.. uh…ok I have nothing” Peter admitted.  
“It’s ok Pete” Lily said checking her watch. “It’s pretty late I should get going” She stood up and stumbled a bit Remus caught her.  
“Wow there noodle legs” Remus said laughing. “I’ll walk you home make sure you don’t fall down int he street” He stood up too letting Sirius’s arm fall off him. Sirius frowned, but Remus was to occupied holding Lily up to notice.  
“We’ll see you guys tomorrow ok” Remus said putting his arm around Lily and heading to the door.  
“See ya” James waved as they left.  
“Come on we should get going too. It’s going to take forever to get back home if I have to watch after both you drunk idiots” Peter said poking James to stand.  
Stepping out side into the cold sobered him up a bit. He wrapped his arms around James and Peter as they began walking down the street.  
“Guys did you see that?”  
“See what pads?” James asked  
“Remus. He drank at that last question and he let me touch him”  
“Ya pad foot very cool” Peter said rolling his eyes.  
“Guys I’m Sirius…. Haha get it. Do you think this means I have a chance?”  
“I think you have a better chance with Peter” James teased  
Sirius looked over to see Peter scowling.  
“I think you might have a very tiny chance” Peter said  
“Why thank you Peter. You’ve been promoted to my new best friend”  
“Ugh no thanks. I don’t want to hold your hair back while you throw up tomorrow morning.”  
*  
The next month went by pretty normally for Sirius. He spent most of his days in James’ office working on the couch on his laptop. Remus was almost always there and Sirius decided to lighten up a little on the pick up lines. This seemed to be working in his favour tho. Remus didn’t use his headphones quite as often and sometime ate lunch with them in the office. He quickly leaned that Remus wasn’t as cute and innocent as he seemed, he was actually a sarcastic little shit, and Sirius loved it.  
Lacrosse practice was kicking his ass. Their team had their first game soon and they had practice almost every night. Other then that life couldn’t get any better.  
*  
The next month for Remus was hectic. It didn’t help that Remus was constantly getting sick, which just made everything that much more difficult. His project and classes were taking up so much of his time he had to ask his boss to cut down on his hours at the book store. Unfortunately this just added to his stress as he was barley making it week to week. When he paid tuition he had to ask his landlord to delay his rent payment until his next pay-check, and he was thankful she didn’t seem to mind.  
On the bright side he was getting closer to James, Sirius and Peter. He found himself hanging out with them more and even enjoying it. Hanging out with Lily was great , but hanging out with those three was different. They were loud and they were always up to something exciting. Night he stayed late to file some permit request for the summer and went upstairs to slide them under McGonagall’s door when he found Sirius and James picking the lock with a giant pile of papers beside them.  
“What are you guys doing?” He asked.  
“What does it look like. We’re breaking into Minnies office” James said not even looking up from his lock picking.  
“First off why? And second she told you to stop calling her that”  
“Pffft she loves it”  
“You didn’t answer my question as to why you’re breaking into her office.”  
“Were replacing all the first year papers she has to grade with erotic fan fictions “ Sirius said with an evil grin.  
“Well when your done can you slip these permits under the door for her to pick up tomorrow morning?” Remus said handing James the permits. “Make sure you don’t lose them James yours are in their too”  
“Your a doll Remus” James mocked twisting his picking tools. The door clicked and swung open.  
Remus left before he could be blamed.  
Remus also met with the specialist in charge of his HIV regularly. She was much nicer than the doctor from the clinic. Meeting with Dr.Pomfrey gave him small glimmer of hope. She kept testing his WBC level and told him that she would do her best to make sure he didn’t get any worse. She also kept assuring him he could lead a normal life he just had to be careful, but Remus had decided that it wasn’t worth the risk of accidentally spreading this curse to someone else. Deciding to be alone for the rest of his life was depressing but he didn’t think he could live if he knew he ruined someone’s life like his had been ruined.  
Lily had brought up the story about how he had gotten infected only once since that night he told her. She insisted to told someone and filed a police report but Remus refused to. First off he didn’t know the guy, he could barley remember what he looked like and didn’t know his name. He hadn’t seen him since. Secondly he didn’t want anyone else to know. He was embarrassed. What would people think of him? What if someone else found out. It would also mean telling people he was HIV+ which he never ever ever wanted to do. He was too scared of being treated different.  
When October 31st rolled around Remus was excited Lily and her room mate were throwing a party. James, Sirius and Peter were even invited. Remus hadn’t gone out since he had gone to the pub with them last month and he was looking forward to having fun for once.  
The weekend before Lily invited him out costume shopping. Remus didn’t have a lot of pocket change but was happy to hep Lily pick one out. They eventually settled on a witch costume after Remus vetoed the sexy nurse and the even more horrible sexy cat.  
“Come on what are you going as?” Lily asked for the 100th time.  
“It’s a surprise” Was his only response.  
The night of the party Remus showed up early to help Lily set up.  
“Remus you said you would dress up” Lily complained as she opened the door.  
“I am. I’m Mr.Rogers”. He had pulled out his red cardigan and had put on a white dress shirt and tie, exactly like Mr.Rogers would have worn.  
“Remus you look exactly the same” She complained.  
“That’s why it’s the perfect costume. We’re essentially the same person” Remus joked.  
She rolled her eyes at him.  
Soon after they had laid out the last bowl of chips people started showing up. Remus stayed standing in the corner furthest away from the loud music just watching people dance and mingle, drinking his chosen non alcoholic drink. Soon he heard some whooping sounds coming from the other side of the room looking over he say Sirius enter the room in a red onesie with the words ‘thing 2’ written in the belly. Next thing he knew James came bounding in screaming as he leaf frogged over Sirius getting some good air. His costume exactly like Sirius’ except it said ‘thing 1’ . Peter came in shortly after , hell Remus assumed it was Peter. Someone the same size and height as Peter had cut 2 eyes out of a bed sheet and was walking around as a lazy made ghost. Remus chuckled at the sight. Sirius and James had all eyes on them as they began to dance with each other, which most people had stopped to watch since most of the dancing involved throwing each other up in the air and James trying to do a hand stand with Sirius holding his ankles.Remus watched with he rest of the people laughing at how funny his two friends were. James got on the ground and tried to dot he warm , which looked more like he was humping the floor violently. Sirius turned around and waved to him winking suggestively. Remus laughed again and shyly waved back.  
He didn’t notice someone was snuck up beside him until the said something.  
“Of course you would be friends with those two”  
Remus turned to see Severus sneering at him. His look was cold and cruel. Remus ignored him.  
“How does it feel to be a charity case Lupin?” Severus said his lips curling with malice.  
Remus raised an eyebrow pretending the comment hadn’t bothered him.  
“I wonder what it is? Lily is too kind to know when she’s associating with trash. Let me guess orphan? Hmm no maybe some sort of mental disability.” Severus continued.  
Remus turned to him. “Or maybe Lily appreciate having a friend who genuinely cares about her” he said keeping his voice pleasant and civil.  
Severus' eyes narrowed.  
“Or maybe she’s been fooled by a fox in disguise trying to sneak its way into her bed” Severus said in a. Cruel drawl with a challenging tone in his voice.  
Remus fakes a laugh. This guy was a piece of work that’s for sure. The way he was talking about Lily was as if Remus was trying to steal away his prized horse. Remus didn’t like it one bit.  
“You know Severus I’m starting to think those are your motivations” Remus said calmly.  
“Why you insolent little…”  
“Hey Lupin what’s up?” Another voice had now joined them.  
Remus looked up to see Diggory walking towards them.  
Severus turned and walked away before Diggory got close enough to say hi.  
“Hey how’s it going?” Diggory asked.  
“Good you?”  
“Good, crazy party right? You see those guys dancing?”  
“Ya pretty crazy. Nice Frodo costume by the way” Remus said smiling at Diggory. Diggory blushed.  
“Thanks, what are you suppose to be?”  
“Oh I’m Mr.Rogers “Remus said running his hands over his cardigan. And smiling. Diggory laughed.  
“Very nice. You look cute” Diggory said shyly. Remus blinked then smiled back unsure of what to say.  
“I uh brought you a drink” Diggory aid holding out a beer . Remus hesitate.  
“Umm thanks Diggory, but I con;t drink tonight “He said quickly going up with an excuse.  
DIggory looked a little let down but quickly recovered.He put down both drinks and held out a hand.  
“Care to dance then?”  
Remus hesitated a moment then took his hand. They danced to 2 songs before Remus felt his body protesting, he was sore and had a cough that made it hard to breath. Diggory followed him to sit on the sofa his arm going behind Remus and around his shoulders. They sat their talking, and Diggory insisted Remus called him Amos. They joke and Remus kept smiling and blushing when Diggory would compliment him. Eventually Diggory rested his hand on Remus knee and rubbed circles with his thumb. Remus tensed a little.  
“So I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get out of here?” Amos asked shyly starting down at his hand on Remus’ knee.  
Remus sat their shocked. Amos was nice, and obviously handsome, and he made it pretty clear he was into him , but Remus felt his heart stop when he thought about what ‘get out of here’ meant. Maybe if things were different he would have taken him up on the offer, but things weren’t different. Remus lived in this life where he could never get too close or go home with anyone. He lowered his head and stood up quickly.  
“Amos I’m really sorry…uh… I can’t. I mean I maybe want.. .but I can’t” Remus stuttered out trying to keep the fear he was feeling creeping up out of his voice. And then he quickly turned and walked away. He made it to the hallway and turned to go upstairs to get away from everyone. Upstairs was empty and Remus slide against the wall falling to the ground trying to calm his heart. He didn’t know why but he felt terrified, and very sad. The reality of being alone was harder to make when actually faced with it. He did his best to keep his emotions in.  
Down the hall he heard a door open and close.  
“Remus what’s wrong?”Sirius’ voice said  
“Nothing” he said putting his head in his hands.  
“Cut the crap. Come on you can tell me. Does it have to do with the glasses guy that was hitting on you?”  
Remus paused. He hadn’t expected everyone else to notice that. Remus decided he probably couldn’t lie his way out of this one.  
“Maybe” he said not looking up.  
He felt Sirius slide down to sit behind him.  
“Did he do anything that requires me to go down there and kick his ass?”  
“No no, nothing like that”  
“Then what. Come on you can tell me I’m your friend” Sirius said encouragingly.  
“Well. It’s just… umm. He invited to you know ‘get out of here’ “ Remus said inflicting the last word to send the message home.  
“And? “ Sirius said “That sounds great you deserve a good bout of stress relief.”  
“No it’s just I can’t.”  
“Why not”  
“I just can’t. It’s complicated”  
“I have time tell what so complicated”  
“I can’t. It’s just … listen I can’t tell you and…um you know what forget it I got to go” and with the Remus jumped up and headed back downstairs. When he got down there he was happy to see that Diggory was gone. James waved to him while teaching Peter how to do the shuffle, Remus headed to the booze and downed 4 shots. The vodka burning his throat making him cough.4 more shots and he was feeling the haziness set in. The pleasant numbness of drinking. He took a beer and added shit ton of whiskey then walked over to the corner of the room again. Sitting down on the ground as people shuffled past. When he had finished off his terrible concoction of mostly whiskey with a bit of beer the party was starting to empty. He tried to stand but his drunken legs refused to support his weight so he sat back down and rested his head on the wall closing his eyes.  
After awhile he felt someone nudging him. He looked up to see Lily standing there looking at him disappointed.  
“Come on you booze hound you’re staying here tonight” She said offering him her hand.  
He took it and she helped him up and led him upstairs, once up there she passed him. A towel and pushed him towards the bathroom. “Go take a cold shower and sober up”  
He did as he was told. The cold water definitely woke him up. He shook his head and snapped out of it. When he got out of the shower he noticed someone had left a baggy shirt and a pair of baggy joggers out for him. They were kind of small the shirt was tight around his chest and arms, and the jogging pants were shirt and fell above his ankles. But they smelled like Lily, like flowers and fresh linen.  
He came out of the bathroom to see Lily’s bedroom door opened and her sitting up in bed.  
“Come in here you’re sleeping here tonight” She said waving him over.He went into the room but didn’t lay down beside her.  
“I can sleep on the couch you know”  
“No you can’t Dorcas passed out here.”  
Remus felt awkward but climbed in beside her.  
He lay down and crossed his arms across his chest staring up and the ceiling.  
Lily put her phone down and slide down beside him.  
“Sirius told me what happened” She said.  
Remus frowned but didn’t answer her.  
“So how come you didn’t go home with Amos?”  
Remus sighed, maybe it was the alcohol still coursing though his blood, or maybe it was that he felt safe here beside Lily but he stared to spill out his thoughts.  
“I can’t ever do that with anyone ever again” He said “It’s not fair to anyone for me to lead them on. And even if I wanted to I couldn’t because I would have to tell them about …well.. my HIV and then ..I …I just don’t want anyone to treat me different.”  
“Remus you cannot honestly think you having HIV would stop anyone from want to be with you.”  
“You don’t know that. I’m tainted. I’m diseased. No one is going to want me once they know. And honestly I don't want to fall for anyone because I cannot put someone through that”  
Lily stayed silent. And Remus held his breath trying to keep in the tears. He felt one fall down his cheek and quickly sniffed in and closed his eyes to stop more. He felt a soft hand trace his cheek wiping away the tear, and felt Lily turn to face him.  
He refused to open his eye and see her sympathetic facial expression.  
He gasp when he felt soft lips press against his . Sweet breath across his lip and a hand rest on his chest.  
He stayed perfectly still as Lily kissed him. She was warm and soft and smelled so good, but it felt odd. Sort of mechanic, like his lips went through the motions, but his mind was completely clear. He was very conscious of how she was half laying on him and his hands now holding her sides. She felt too small and delicate. It felt very much like when he had kissed his high school girlfirend. Don’t get him wrong the warmth of having someone , smelling their breath and their hands and lips on you was….. nice he supposed. But it wasn’t anything like he had felt when he kissed guys. There was no emotion, or want, or passion , or lust when he had kissed Tonks, and none right now with Lily. But he didn’t know how to pull away. Then Severus' word rang through his head . 'how does it feel to be a charity case Lupin?' . Was that what this was? Was she only kissing him because she felt sorry for him. Lily wouldn't do that would she? He really didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and he was honestly too shocked to come up with an escape plan.

Just as he was about to execute his terrible plan of mumbling into her mouth to end the kiss Lily pulled away. She frowned down at him. She didn’t look sad which he was relived at. But the way she seems to be scanning his face in deep thought was a little unnerving. 

“Lily I’m sorry” he mumbled out avoiding eye contact by turning his head a little to the side. “I’m just … uh.. not…” He struggled to put words to his thoughts. He glanced over at her face hoping for some help.

“Not really into this” She said lifting up an eyebrow and nodding towards where her hips laid onto of his. She was obviously indicating to his plainly obvious flacid member. 

Remus just nodded lightly. “I’m sorry” Lily said lightly and rolled off of him crashing onto her pillow. 

Remus gave her a lot he hope conveyed his apology in return. He felt bad, had he led her on? Was she mad at him? And mostly he was worried. Would this ruin their friendship?

“Let get some sleep ok” Lily said in a quiet voice as she lifted the comforter over the both of them. She gave him a peck on the cheek before turning over so she could lay facing the wall instead of him.

Remus didn’t know what to say so instead her rolled over and wrapped an arm around her holding Lily against himself.

“Lils it’s not you I swear. I’m just.. I don’t think I’m into .. um.. girls” he mumbled into the back of her head cringing at how high school like he sounded.

“I know”. She sighed moving her hand so that it cam up to hold his. “ I just remember you saying that you had a girlfriend once so I assumed maybe..” She trailed off

“Can I tell you a secret” Remus whispered.

“Ya of course” Lily whispered back.

“I wasn’t really into it back then either. I just wanted to convince myself I was”

“Remus you shouldn’t ever have to pretend to be someone else.”

“Neither should you Lily. You’re amazing. Any guy would be lucky to have you”

She snorted breaking the calm the whispered had made the atmosphere feel.

“I’m Serious” Remus protested.

“No your Remus” Lily laughed.

“Haha. Just go to bed you goof”


	7. Chapter 7: Snuffles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius makes a new friend,  
> and Peter gets some insight in Snape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the last chapter for a few days. I've been procrastinating on my thesis by reading and doing this. So I have to set it aside before I get too far behind. 
> 
> Spelling and grammar may be more off on this one since I wrote on my phone, and I also am too lazy to proof read anything.

By the time they left Lily's party Sirius had managed to get Peter completely blotto. The poor guy had to be practically carried between James in him as they shuffled home. They had made odd sort of swing sling from his bed sheet between them and peter sat on it legs off the ground head lolling back as he tried to stay conscious. James laughing even as he struggled to walk half supporting Peter. 

"Did you see her dancing with me? Man that was the best. She’s so hot. I got to put my hands on her hips did you see that pads?" James was going on reminiscing on the fact Lily had actually given him any attention.

"Ya prongs I was there. I saw. She’s totally into you" Sirius said hearing the story for the 5th time during their walk home.

"That girl with the blonde hair. What her name? Anyway man was she hitting on you. I bet she would have slept with you right there in front of everyone"

"Pffft as if. Anyway not bloody likely huh"

"Ya I guess. Man her face when you kissed me to get her to bugger off was priceless. Didn't seem to work tho did it" James teased him.

Sirius rolled his eyes. 

"I'm just glad her friends decided to take her home." Sirius said 

They walked down the street. They could see their apartment. Sirius was thankful Peter was getting quite heavy. 

They passed the alley when Sirius heard a crash as a garbage can fell over and a high pitch yelp. He stopped causing James to be jerked back as he was tied to the peter sling.

"Whats up?"

"Shhh"

Sirius slowly put Peter down and detached himself . He slowly stalked over to the alley. It was dark and smelly and the ground was wet. He peered around the dumpster and saw a garbage bin knocked over. It was too dark to see exactly what but Sirius saw something small digging into the tipped over can. He pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight shinning it into the dark. Big black eyes stared up at him and a growl came from the tiny furry black dog that stood beside the can. Hunched over teeth bared as it guarded its dinner.  
Sirius smiled he came around the dumpster and crouched down low.

“Hey little fella. Whatcha doing out here all by yourself"

The dog just growled.

Sirius stuck out his hand. Maybe not the best decision with a growling dog but this guy was so small and young Sirius doubted he could even break skin with his bite.

"I'm not gonna hurt ya."Sirius said softly trying to beckon the dog closer. The dog sniffed at him hesitantly.

"How would you like to come inside and eat all of James' leftover meatloaf?" Sirius offered.

The dog slowly and very cautious came closer sniffing his hand. Apparently it smelt alright because it nudged its head under his palm. Sirius scratched the dogs ears then bent down and picked it up, wrapping it in his coats against his chest. The dog tried to lick his face and he laughed.

"Your a good dog aren't you? Come on let’s get you cleaned and fed" he said heading out of the alley.

"You are not keeping that thing" was the first thing James said when he came out of the alley.

"Watch me" Sirius challenged leaving James to haul Peter up the stairs to the front door himself while holding his new friend.

*

When Remus went into the office Monday he was not expecting to see what he saw. 

When he opened the door a small black ball of fur came out of nowhere and began running around his feet weaving between his legs barking continuously.  
"No snuffles stop it" Sirius said getting up from the couch to catch the hyper ball of fur.

"Uhhh why is there a dog in the office ?" He asked.

"Sirius decided that he needs to take his dog with him everywhere." James said not looking over from his computer with a look.of irritation on his face.

"And since when does Sirius have a dog?"

"Since after Lily's party I found him digging in the trash by the dumpster outside our apartment apartment " Sirius said beaming now holding the dog which squirmed as it tried to free itself from Sirius' arms.

"Isn't he cute. I called him Snuffles. He's super smart" Sirius went on like a father talking about their small child.

Remus had to admit the pappy was cute. It had long scruffy black hair and big ink black eyes. One ear stood up the other partially flopped over. It had on a bright red collar with a gold buckle and its tiny feet had tiny black pads. Sirius put the dog back down and it ran over to him stumbling as it went. Remus bent down and pet as it sniffed him long bushy tail wagging. 

"Ya I guess he is cute" Remus said as the dog licked his hand. "Aren't you you little trouble maker" Remus said now playing with the dog.

"See two against one James. Snuffles is here to stay."

"Hey I didn’t say he could stay" Remus protested.

Snuffles got up on two paws begging Remus to bend own and pet him again.

"Oh come on Remus. Look he loves you" Sirius pleaded.

Remus bent down again and Snuffles jumped into his lap.attempting to lick his face. Remus knew a dirty trick when he saw one. But he had to admit the trick worked.

"Fine but if I find one puddle on the floor he’s out" Remus said picking up Snuffles and handing him to Sirius. "Also I’m sure were not allowed dogs so keep him quiet ok"

Sirius smiled

"No problem Snuffles is the smartest dog in the world" he said as he put the dog on the couch.

Remus went over to his desk and started working. After about 15 minutes he felt something landing his lap. He looked down to see the tiny black dog curling up on his lap making itself at home for a nap. Remus smiled and pet it as he went back to reading his emails. Snuffles stayed in his lap most of the day.

*

Peter hated meeting days. It usually meant seeing Severus. He had mastered the art of ever running into the guy fave to face. Emails and memos usually kept him away, but lab meetings were unavoidable. 

So he shuffled out of his safe lab saying goodbye to the mice who didn't acknowledge him and dragged his feet all the way to the meeting.

"Peter my boy!" Slughorn said in greeting as he came in the room. "Finally come out of you hiding hole! Good good. We are just waiting on Severus then can begin"Peter sat down in the far corner and said nothing. He checked his phone. Two messages from James.

They were going to come pick him up from his meeting for lunch, but Peter wasn’t stupid he knew they were really coming to make sure Severus didn’t harass him like he usually did. Peter was glad he had such great friends who would do that without even being asked.

Severus came in a fury peter had never seen before he face looked livid and he stomped his feet as he made his way to sit down. Severus' friend Mancier looked at him confused probably about to ask him who pissed in his cornflakes but Severus held up a hand to stop him.

"Alright now that we’re all here let go around the room and get updates and hand out this weeks task list" Slughorn said rubbing his hands and starting the meeting.  
Peter didn’t say much. He just occasionally updated someone on how their mice trial was going on their drug. A typical meeting. 

Severus made his usual comments on his lack of belief in Peter's skills and again insisted that Slughorn let some of Severus' techs take over the trial. And how his trial was the most important since it brought in the most money so they couldn’t afford to mess it up. for the 100th time that year Slughorn ignored this and simply said 

"Peter here is the most qualified person here Severus I’m sure tour drug trail is going exactly as it was supposed to. Isn't that right Peter?"

Peter looked up eyes wide scared to say much. He nodded instead and went back to doodling on his notebook. Severus gave an angry huff but gave up for today.  
When the meeting was over Peter quickly fathered his thing intent on getting the hell out of there when he paused overhearing Mancier talking to Severus.

"Just because she slept with someone doesn't mean it was with that piece of trash."

Peter paused pretending to write something down in his notebook. Peter knew the value of good info and he was great at picking it out.  
Severus just grunted in disbelief.

"Come on Sev, who cares who she sleeps with. If she’s that easy you'll get your turn. Anyway who cares its not like she comes from a good family. Her and that slimy git are probably made for each other. Liberal retards if i ever saw one" Mancier sneered.

"Lily is not anything like that little worm" Severus replied menacingly.

Peter felt eyes turn to him and he quickly got out of their before they could say something.

When he got out in the hall he was relieved to see James and Sirius. He saw Slughorn talking to them both. He knew Slughorn took any chance to talk to them. James' parents where chairmen of the university. And Sirius' parents were alumni that donated alot ALOT of money. 

When they saw him the waved goodbye and came up to him.

" you guys aren't going to believe what i just heard" Peter said as they headed to the cafe for lunch.

Peter twisted the story a little keeping James' feelings in mind. But he told them all about how Severus was surprisingly friends with Lily and apparently had a thing for her so much Peter felt it was close to stalkerish. And also about Severus long term goal of bedding Lily. 

Sirius scoffed at that while James stayed quiet his face focused in its protective and determined face.

Finally James said “He’s not getting anywhere near her bed. The slimy git" he said before the subject was dropped. 

*

Remus enjoyed the days when James and Sirius went out for lunch. That meant he hot a whole hour or more of quiet. James and Sirius had invited him out but Remus told them he'd rather stay at watch Snuffles not mentioning that he was also looking forward to the peace. 

Snuffles was currently laying across his lap his head hanging upside down off his thigh. His tongue sticking out as he snored. The puppy had taken to him and wouldn’t leave his side of e was around. Sirius called him a traitor when Snuffles ditched him when Remus walked into the room. The dog was also the smartest dog he ever met. Not even a week and it could sit, stay, shake paw, play dead, and fetch. Remus was impressed, and Sirius was as proud as a peacock.

Snuffles jerked his head up suddenly and gave a small whine. Remus looked up too and then heard the unmistakable sounds was James and Sirius coming back from lunch talking loudly in the 'no talking' hallway.

Soon the door slammed open and they entered. James crashed into his chair letting it roll back a little as Sirius jumped onto the couch splaying out as he did so.  
Snuffles snorted and sighed and went back to sleeping. Maybe Snuffles was starting to pick up in his feelings and thoughts.

"Remus my friend. Me and Sirius have been talking and we have decided we are in desperate need of a guys night" James said putting his feet up on his desk show kicked off into the corner.

"Isn't every night at your place guys night?" Remus said sarcastically turning around in his chair to face them. 

"No not since Peter started bringing his girlfriend over. Plus you've never been over."

"Peter has a girlfriend?" Remus asked surprised. Peter hadn't mentioned that ever.

"Ya and she's a head banger. I swear the amount of times I've been woken up by the sound of his head smashing into the wall repeatedly he should have brain damage" Sirius said with a grumble.

"I was thinking. Pizza, video games, beer at our place." James said ignoring Sirius' dig at Peters poor head.

"And we can stay up all night and share scary stories and have pillow fights" Sirius mocked. James threw a paper ball at him. Snuffles jumped out of his lap and went to chase after the paper and bring it back to James.

"What do you say Remus? This Saturday sound good?"

"I guess . I work Saturday but can come over after my shift" 

"Awesome!" James said taking the paper from Snuffles and throwing back towards Sirius sending Snuffles back over there to fetch it again.


	8. Chapter 8: Chess or Chuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius bond a little, and Remus gets drink during a drinking game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went back and edited the story specifically chapter 6 and 7. The Lily Remus thing is now gone. I am going to take it in a different direction. 
> 
> I also went and gave Sirius the french accent he so obviously has.

Remus spent most of Saturday running the till while Diggory worked in the back of the store. Since the awkward moment at Lily's party Amos seemed a little more reclusive. They sometimes talked like they use to but not as much. Remus felt uncomfortable, he knew it was his fault. He shouldn’t have turned him down like that Amos was a great guy and didn't deserve it. But he also couldn't put Amos in the situation with him. It wasn't fair to Amos.

So by the time his shift ended and Diggory started closing the shutters and locking the door Remus hurried out of their thankful he wouldn’t have to go there until Tuesday afternoon.

 

He bundled up on his way over to where he had parked his bike. The weather was already turning and there was a health dusting on snow on the ground. The forecast was calling for heavy snow next week which remus would have to put the snow tires on his bike soon. 

The ride over to James' place didn’t take long since they lives downtown. He found the address and paused outside on the sidewalk. Maybe James had texted the wrong address. He was standing outside a old brick condo that had a set of stairs up to a big wooden door  
The place looked big and definitely not the kind of place a student lived. He checked his phone. This was the address James sent him. So he chained up his bike to a nearby phone pole and headed up the stairs. He ringed the doorbell and prayed he had the right address. After a few minutes the door opened and he was relieved to see Peters smiling face.

"Hey Remus come in" Peter said.

The inside was built exactly how he thought it would be. It was big with tall ceilings and dark wood floors. Even tho the house looked like it should belong to some old rich lady it wasn't decorated like it. The only word he could think of was 'frat boy'. As he went into the living room he could see the wall were decorated with sport team flags and some ugly movie posters. The window ledge was filled with empty beer bottles and the carpet had an odd stain on it. The place smelled like pizza, cologne and not surprisingly wet dog. 

"Come on were all downstairs" peter said leading him to a staircase that led down.

The basement was decorated more appropriately. There was a bar in one corner with a severely bright neon sign of a sexy german lady. And the shelves were filled with different hard liquors. The walls were panelled with wood and the carpet was a thick red shag. There was a giant leather couch that faced a giant tv. A deer head adorned one wall a beer mug handing off one antler and a school scarf around its neck. There was a big coffee table filled with pizza and 3 guys sitting on the sofa playing a shooting game on the tv. It was turned up a little loud for Remus but he decided not to be a spoil sport tonight. 

Remus threw his winter clothes down on a bar stool. Sirius' face popped up from behind the couch smiling.

"Remus my love!" Sirius almost shouted his french accent slipping through on the R in his name.  
"Took you long enough come on sit and watch me destroy James and Frank."

Remus came over and Sirius shuffled over so that Remus would sit between him and the new guy called Frank. Frank had dark hair and bright blue eyes, and very very large. His shoulders could probably land airplanes.

"Hey Pete get Remus a beer" James said as he violently pressed on his buttons face not leaving the screen.

All of a sudden Remus heard barking coming from upstairs. He heard some thudding as something stumbeled down the stairs making a-lot of ruckus and then he had a hyperactive fluff ball in his face licking at his mouth.

Remus tried to fight off Snuffles but the dog didn’t stop until Remus had a soaked face.

He wiped his face off on his sleeve and then took the beer peter offered him.Snuffles laid down in his lap stretching across so that his head rested on Sirius thigh too. Snuffles had grown since Sirius had gotten him. He had gone from the size of a chihuahua to the size of a corgi except with long legs. Remus noticed his head was slightly damp and he smelled like lemons.

" Oh Snuffles did you get a bath? " Remus said as he pet him and Snuffles grumbled in response.

"Ya he did. He jumped into a mud puddle the moment we got to the park the little brat" Sirius said sounding annoyed but still reaching down and rubbing his ear affectionately.

Music filled the room as the game the three boys were playing ended and a leader board came up. James cheered triumphantly. And Peter sat down in the arm chair beside the couch holding his own beer. 

"My turn. Hand over the remote loser" peter demanded to Frank.

Franks frowned but chucked the plastic controller over to him. 

"Frank?" Remus asked. "You wouldn't happen to know Alice would you?" 

"Ya, we actually just started dating. How do you know Alice?"

"She's my best friend roommate" Remus said. 

"Awww Remus I thought I was your best friend?" James whined.

Remus, Sirius, and Peter all laughed at that. 

"You can be my best friend when you stop leaving egg salad open in the office over the weekends" Remus said with no note of sarcasm in his voice.

"Ya and when I drop dead. No way am I losing dog and best friend to Remus" Sirius said.

The guys finished another round of their shooting game while Remus sipped his beer. Remus was never interested in video games, especially violent shooting one so he mainly just pat Snuffles and day dreamed.

When the round was over after a long long apparently tense battle in which Peter won Frank demanded the controller from the loser James.

" Ahhh come on i only lost cause Sirius cheated"

" No one said we couldn’t blind opponents in real life." Sirius protested smirking and flashing James with his phone flashlight again.

"Just you wait till you fall asleep tonight" James threatened.

"No need to murder me. Here Frank" Sirius handed him the controller.

Sirius stood up causing Snuffles to wake up and yawn.

"I want some chips. Anyone else want anything from upstairs?"

"No chips mate Pete ate them all last night" James said as they started a new match. "Its not too late tho corner stores still open. Get me some twizzlers and Gatorade while your there."

Sirius grumbled. "Fine. Anyone else have a grocery list?"

"Cream soda and cheese crackers" peter piped in.

"Oh and some of the pepperoni sticks." Frank added.

"Fine. Wan to come along sugar tits?" Sirius said turning to Remus.

"Sugar tits?" Remus questioned with amusement as he stood up. 

"Ya heard my cousin say it once" Sirius said heading upstairs. "I thought it was creative." 

"Very much so" Remus said with a laugh.

Sirius grabbed a leash from a hook bu the door attached it to Snuffles and headed out Remus right behind him.

It was very cold out and the wind had picked up so Remus quickly putting on his hat and wrapped his scarf up tighter. Sirius didn't seem to mind the cold in only his black coat hands shoved in the pockets.

Snuffles walked beside them occasionally stopping to smell something or chase after a rock Sirius kicked.

Remus felt his phone buzz in his pocket so he pulled it out to check it. 

Lily [Don't let those idiots corrupt you into doing something stupid.]  
Lily [Love you. See you for dinner tomorrow? Im making goulash.]

Remus laughed at her message and sent back a quick reply. 

Remus [I'm incorruptible]  
Remus [love ya too. See ya tomorrow]

He put his phone back into his pocket his hands now cold from having them out. He pulled out his gloves and slipped them on.

"Who you texting?" Sirius asked. 

"Just Lily" Remus said looking over at Sirius. Sirius was looking at his feet as he walked and Remus was pretty sure he was frowning.

There was a pause then Sirius blurt out.

"So is she like your girlfriend?"

Remus was shocked at how abrupt Sirius was, but also amused at the question. James had asked him like 100 times, so did Misses Hopkins, and Diggory, and Alice. But Sirius seemed to ask a little mire angrier than them.

"No were just really good friends. I'd say best friends but Alice might fight me for it. A fight i would loose with my scrawny arms."Remus went on trying to add some humour.

His response seemed to cheer up Sirius since his head slowly came back up and he wasn’t frowning anymore, but still wasn’t smiling.

"What about the guy from Lily's party? Are you and him....?"Sirius asked his voice a little timid.

"Oh Godric no."Remus cut in and flinched a little as he remembered how awkward it was with Diggory now. Sirius smiled up at him. Then he slung his arm around Remus's waist and pulled him closer.

"Remus my muse."Sirius began in his usually flirty tone. "You deserve better than Diggory. He's like beer in a can, we need to find you someone from the top shelf."

"Oh ya?"Remus questioned in a mocking tone raising and eyebrow at Sirius. "And who would that be?" He questioned Remus.

Sirius gripped him tighter snd turned with his usual mischievous smirk flashing his smile Remus was pretty sire Sirius practiced in mirror.

"Well I wouldn’t mind coming down from the top shelf to grace you mouth with my delicious spirit" Sirius said wagging his eyebrows.

Remus now use to the jokes pushed Sirius away and actually laughed at that one. 

"Man that was the worst line so far" he said grinning.

"Then why are you blushing Sirius teases reaching out to touch his cheek. Remus dodged him.

"Its cold outside you prat"

"Ah Reemy that sounds like a terrible excuse" Sirius continued grinning.

Remus rolled his eyes.

When the got to the store Sirius picked up Snuffles and tucked him i to his jacket so only his fluffy head stick out and Sirius looked like a pregnant kangaroo.

They got their stuff headed out again.Sirius kept snuffles tucked in his jacket since it had started to snow heavily. 

Remus wasn’t happy about that. Is wasn’t supposed to snow until Monday he hadn’t put on his snow tires yet his ride back tonight would be impossible if the snow kept up snd he would have to walk.

The rest of the guys were playing a new game when they got back Remus thought this looked more childish cartoons fighting each other but the guys seemed just as invested.

"Do you want to play Remus?" Frank asked.

"No honestly i don’t care for video games"

"I knew there was something wrong with you" James said with a laugh. Remus rolled his eyes and took to drink Sirius offered him as he passed some out to everyone. He took a sip. This on was strong but he happily drank it.

After a 2 hours of drinks that got heavily more stronger and chased by the mountain of junk food the guys were getting bad at their game unable to use fast reflexes. Remus gave the game a try but as he predicted he was terrible.Soon they gave up.

But James was upset about not having a chance to redeem himself from his losing streak to Peter.

"We need to do something someone can beat Peter at." James complained.  
Franked laughed. 

*

Sirius applauded himself for being a genius. He had innocently suggested Remus take on Peter in Peter’s least favorite of the games Sirius had adapted. ‘Chess or Chuck’. The name was a reference to the many times one of them had thrown up while playing. It essentially was the same as chess except every time you lost a piece you took a shot. Ok maybe it wasn’t that creative, but was a great way to get drunk. Plus Remus was really holding up against Pete, something neither James or him could do especially at chess. Pete was sneaky and always won. In High school Peter had led their school to nationals on the chess team. Luckily for Remus Sirius had ‘accidentally’ made Peter’s shot stronger than Remus’. So after about 15 minutes in Peter was just as tipsy as Remus even though Peter had taken out at least 3 pawns and a castle and Remus had only managed to get one of his knights and a pawn.

Remus was actually doing well until his 8th shot when Peter took his other castle. He downed the shot and Sirius watched as his bright golden eyes with those beautiful yellow rings around the pupil cross unfocused. Remus swayed in his stool and seemed to struggle to reach for his piece to move. His piece fell over and Remus frowned as he tried to fix it. He leaned forward and started to sway to one side . Sirius was at his side before he fell off his stool. Remus braced against him to stay on his chair.

“You can call the game anytime Remus. Wormtail’s unbeatable anyway.”

Across the table Peter was also swaying but James and Frank were there to keep their champ on his chair. 

“ I’s can do it “ Remus slurred and drunkenly did a head shakes and tried to sit up straighter, although he still leaned more to the right. His face was set in determination.

Sirius gave Remus credit he made it farther with Peter than any on them had. Peter was only able to checkmate him after about another half hour and Remus was down to 5 pieces. Honestly if Remus might have been sober he could have probably beat Peter with some luck, but after his 10th shot Sirius was more surprised Remus was still conscious. However he was no longer able to make good decisions about his poor chess pieces and was sadly defeated. 

Remus’s head came down on the bar counter with a thud and Sirius put an arm around him. More to hold him up on the stool than comforting. Peter promptly raised both hands and cried out in triumph and fell backwards off his stool. James and Frank high-fiving and taking their own shots.

Sirius laughed. 

“Come on hot shot let go find somewhere for you to lay down” 

Remus grunted into the bar not moving.

Sirius sighed and put his arms under Remu’s armpit and lifted. Remus stumbled up and attempted to stand, but his legs seems to be made of jelly so Sirius took the weight and practically dragged Remus up. 

He slowly helped him around the bar. Sirius looked over to see Peter snoring on his back on the floor, apparently the fall hadn’t bother him. Snuffles was licking Peter in the mouth, but Peter kept snoring. 

“James take care of Wormtail before he throws up in his sleep on the carpet again” Sirius said as he made his way tot he stairs with Remus. 

“Ya ya” he heard James say behind him. 

Getting Remus up the stairs was pretty hard . Sirius struggled to get the guy to even take on step at a time and had to stop him falling back down multiple times. When they got to the main floor he felt Remus lean towards the front as if he wanted to head towards the door.

“Wow where are you going?” Sirius said laughing as Remus attempted again to head to the front of the house. 

“Gotta go home” Remus mumbled out.

“Your not going anywhere tonight you prat” 

“Noo, can’t stay, mmum medicine” Remus muttered. “Gotta take it in da morning”

“If I promise to drive you home in the morning will you stay? You can’t be driving that bike home in this weather while your this drunk”

Remus didn’t respond but stopped leaning in the direction of the door. Sirius practically ha dot drag him to the next set of stairs up. The stairs looked very daunting. It was 2 flights up to his room and Remus count seem to put one foot in front of the other any more. Sirius sighed, he had an idea.

He bent down a little and scooped Remus up in his arms bridal style. 

“Stop, your gonna drop meh” Remus slurred out in protest.

“You better hold on them” Sirius joked.

He felt Remus’s hand tighten around the front of his shirt as he took the first step up. It was slow going he made sure every step was placed before putting his weight down since he would hate for the both of them to fall down the stairs. By the time he was halfway up the second flight to the third floor his was sweating and his arms and legs were staring to cramp. He was happy for his lacrosse training or he would have never mad it. 

The only door on the third floor was open so he just walked right into his room. It was pitch dark but he knew where everything was. But he was still careful putting Remus down in the bed instead of just tossing him like he would if it was James. 

Remus made a grunt and mumbled something but Sirius didn’t catch what it was. He rolled Remus over and pulled the blanket over him. Remus had passed out to sleep and was letting out little snores as he peacefully dozed. He looked so relaxed sleeping, unlike how he looked while he was up. Something about it made his heart flutter. Sleeping Remus was like an angel. Sirius anted to climb in the bed and hold Remus up against his chest and nuzzle into his sandy blonde hair. He decided that was probably not cool even if Remus was not complexity wasted, nah he would have to earn the privilege to do that. 

“Good night booze monkey” Sirius said before he headed out the door to go sleep on the couch downstairs.


	9. Chapter 9: Christmas party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius shamelessly tries to get closer to Remus. James starts to get somewhere with Lily but blows it.

Remus woke up with his brain painfully trying to crunch itself into the size of a pea. He squinted his eyes hard trying to stop his temple from throbbing. He hadn’t been this hungover since first year of his undergrad when he had developed a drinking problem. After he realized drinking probably wasn’t the best idea to drown out his feeling he hadn’t really drank a lot since, defiantly not this much. He groaned and rolled over to bury his head under the pillow. 

He took a deep breath and inhaled in a wonderfull sent that made his head relax slightly. It was the sent of a sweet orange and tobacco, not cigarette but the warm hearty musky sent of a cigars, and wet dog, which Remus for some reason found very comforting. The blankets around him were soft and warm, and the pillow case was down and fluffy. His mind starting slowly piercing together last night as the question ran thought his mind ‘where the heck am I?’. 

He rolled again savoring the sent of the pillow as he sent up blinking. He was in a four poster bed in a bedroom he had never seen before. The walls where a dark shade of midnight blue, the ceiling was painted the same colour and Remus was awe struck by the the intricate design of the night sky painted onto the dark blue ceiling. Someone had obviously spent a lot of time mapping every star in shinning gold. It was beautiful. The colour however made the room very dark, from the other end of the room black curtains appeared to be hanging to block all light from what he assumed was windows behind them. A huge telescope sat in front of the closed curtains, and a guitar and a giant lamp sat near the big wood dressed. There was a book shelf and a desk shoved in the corner next to an old gramophone. The desk was piled messily with papers and a laptop balanced precariously onto. The shelf had a few books but was mostly filled with old records. A door beside the open door to the gloomy hallway appeared to lead to a bathroom. This room seemed so eerily familiar even thou he was 100% positive he had never been here before. Like déjà vu. 

He swung himself slowly out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom. Enjoying how soft and warm the carpet under his feet was. Last night came back as he realized this must be Sirius’s room. He quickly did his business and headed slowly down the stairs. Man was there a lot of stairs in this place. He got to the first landing as a door to the right opened. James came out looks groggy, his eyes crusty and unfocused without his glasses on. He was only in a pair of boxers but didn’t seem to care. James grunted at him in acknowledgement before heading into a bathroom. 

He continued down the stairs to the main floor. There in the living room he saw Sirius lumped up on the couch back to the open window letting in an ungodly amount of sunlight. Snuffles was laying across his legs. When Remus came down Snuffles tail started wagging thumping Sirius in the face. 

“Snuffles you mutt. Let me sleep for once” Remus heard Sirius grumble.

At that comment Snuffles stood up and started walking all over Sirius trying tot get to his face When Sirius curled up to protect his face and stomach from attack Snuffles sat on his head and stared barking down at Sirius.

“All right all right” Sirius said sitting up as Snuffles jumped down. His hair was scraggly and sticking up funny from the side as it usually was from sleeping on the couch. He smiled when he saw Remus looking over at him from the entrance. 

“Morning sunshine” Sirius said a little too loud For Remus’ hang over.

Remus frowned in response. His stomach lurched as he fought his hangover and nausea. He had to get home, not only to take his medicine, but also so he could crawl into his shower and let his hangover kill him. 

“I need to head out”he muttered to Sirius heading for the door. Sirius jumped up from the couch.

“Wait I’ll drive you. It snowed like crazy last night you can’t really ride your bike”

“No it’s ok I can walk it” Remus said, he didn’t want to cause a fuss.

Sirius snorted and ignored him heading upstairs.

“ Give me a sec to get dressed ok” Sirius said before heading upstairs.

Remus sat on the couch and waited. Snuffles laid down beside him and pawed at Remus until he pet him.

James came down the stairs looking a little more awake and with clothes.

“Morning” James said and headed to the direction Remus assumed was the kitchen.

Sirius came down right after completely ready. Skinny jeans, band shirt and leather jacket. His head was up in a pony tail.

“James I’m stealing your car!” Sirius yelled out as they finished putting on their shoes. 

“No you can’t I have to do groceries …” 

Too late Sirius grabbed the key off the hook and bolted out the door, Snuffles at his heels.

Remus hesitated a minute before following him.

Snuffles ran immediately to a telephone pole to relieve himself. 

Remus went down to his bike now buried in snow. He brushed it off and unlocked it. 

“Really Sirius its ok I can walk home”

Sirius ignored him and picked up the bike surprisingly with ease. And put it down beside himself. He laughed at Remus’ expression of annoyance as he walked it to a nearby car and hooked the bike to the bike rack on the back. He then reached in his pocket and the car beeped as the doors unlocked. 

“Get in if you ever want to see your precious bike again” Sirius joked as he slid into the driver seat. 

Remus decided he rather liked his bike so he hopped in. Snuffles bounding in after him and climbing over him to get to the back seat leaving wet paw prints on his pants. 

“Where to handsome?” Sirius said turning on the car.

*****

“This isn’t the way to my place” Remus said as Sirius took a left instead of a right.

“No, but I’m starving and need some caffeine ” Sirius replied. Snuffles let out a bark in agreements. Remus sighed and slumped in his chair.

They pulled up to a Starbucks drive through. 

“Can I have a bacon and egg sandwich, 2 grande Sumatras, and a brownie” Sirius said to the drive through machine. Snuffles barked and growled behind him. “Oh sorry make that 2 bacon and egg sandwiches” Sirius corrected.

They drove forward and when Sirius handed him a coffee and a brownie Remus immediately went for his walet.

“Don’t worry bout it Remus” Sirius said refusing the cash. “Consider this my apology for letting you take on Peter”

Sirius parked the car on the street and then held out one of the sandwiches for Snuffles to gobble up. Remus sipped his coffee, happy for the warmth. He wasn’t a fan of coffee but the liquid helped clear out his head.

Sirius ate his sandwich beside him in an exact imitation of Snuffles although Remus was sure it wasn’t on purpose. 

“Thanks” Remus said as he began on his brownie

“No problem. Anything for a good looking bloke like you” Sirius said winking at him his mischievous smile back on his stupid face.

Remus gently elbowed him rolling his eyes. They joked as they finished their coffee.

*****

“Pull up right there on the right” Remus instructed as they pulled up infront of his place. 

“Cozy” Sirius commented looking at the small dilapidated apartment. 

Remus smiled. 

“My land lady doesn’t charge me that much as long as I take out the trash and don’t cause any trouble” Remus replied smiling up at the apartment.

Sirius barked out a laugh.

“I cannot imagine goody toe shoes like you misbehaving for a minute “ Sirius joked

Remus replied with a laugh back. 

“Anyway thanks for the ride” 

“What are you up to today? Work?” Sirius asked before Remus could open the door.

“Actually I have dinner at Lily’s tonight”

“Oh” Sirius said looking a little let down.

“You?” 

“Well I guess I gotta the James to do groceries, then we have dinner at mum and dads place. I was going to invite you but… can I text you?”

Remus paused a sec then nodded. “Ya sure. Here” Remus held out his hand and Sirius put his phone in it. 

Remus put in his number and handed it back. He ruffled Snuffles’ head and then got out of the car. Struggling a little to take his bike off the rack he could feel Sirius mocking him with a smirk from the back window as he finally got it off.

*****

Mrs. Potter always made a feast of Weekend dinners with James and Sirius. A huge assortment of curries and fired vegetables and hode made naan. Sirius lay on a couch listening to Mr. Potter talk to James as the rugby match on the t.v. played. He pulled out his phone and began a new message.

Sirius [ Hey hot stuff what’s up?]

The response came shortly after.

Remus [ Nothing really, just at Lily’s. She’s making gulash and cookies”

Sirius [ Sounds delicious ] 

Remus [ well as long as Alice stays out of the kitchen]

Remus[ What are you up too?]

Sirius [ Hanging with Fleatmont and Euphemia (Jame’s mom and dad). She’s making a feast for the gods]

Remus [Sounds awesome ] 

Remus [Is it ok if I ask something?]

Sirius [Sure fire away]

Remus[ you say Jame’s is you brother, but you guys have different last names , and no offense you don’t look related. But you call them your mum and dad. So what’s going on their?]

Sirius smiled at that.

Sirius [Jame’s parents took me in in our last year of high school. My parents are jerks, but his are super cool. I love them. They’ve kinda adopted me as their son since.]

Remus [cool, that’s very nice of them to put up with you]

Sirius [Is that sarcasm I sense ? I’ll have you know I’m a wonderful son.]

Remus [ I’m sure]  
Remus[ Sorry got to go . Lily needs some help]

Sirius smiled and put his phone back in his jean pocket. James came over and flopped down onto of him pulling him into a headlock. 

“Who you texting?”

“None of your business you wanker” 

“Come on tell me”

“No”

“Come one who is it that’s got you smiling like a dingus?”

Sirius went to wrestle out but James got his leg around him as he gave him a nudge. Sirius fought back throwing them to the ground landing him elbow into Jame’s stomach.

“Boys it’s dinner. And don’t wrestle on my furniture. If I have to buy another couch because of you too You’ll be paying for it yourself. “

“Sorry mom” they both chorused. 

They both got up and headed to the dining room.

*****

Sirius laid on his bed staring up at his ceiling listening to his Rolling Stones album Aftermath which was playing from the record player across the room. Snuffles snoring quietly from his bed under his. Why the dog liked it under there he would never know.

He breathed in deep. His bed smelled like Remus. Cedar and old books mixed with the warm sent of chocolate and spicy tea. He buried his head in the pillow thinking about the tall skinny sandy blonde. He thought about the smile Remus would get when he was being a sarcastic shit and it made his stomach flutter. Then he remember how peaceful Remus had looked sleeping in his bed. The butterflies in his stomach moved lower. Remus laughing at his joke this morning about the bear and the moose and the fox. Remus groaning in embarrassment as Sirius called out in the hallway calling him by a stupid pet name and the undergrads Remus was talking to about their essays looking around confused. Remus’ lips sipping the coffee this morning so carefully. 

His mind wandered off thinking about how soft Remus’s lips probably were and how they would feel wrapped around his….

A knock on his door.

Sirius groaned taken back to reality. He readjusted himself in his pj’s and sat up.

“What?” He shouted feeling annoyed.

James opened the door and strode into the room flopping onto his bed.

“I didn’t say come in!”

James ignored him and spread out getting comfy.

“I saw Remus coming down out of your room this morning” James said with a sly smile.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

“It’s not what you think you prat. I slept on the couch.”

“Oh I know. You’ve never been the person to take advantage of drunk blokes. But you are the person that would rather kill everyone in the house then give up your bed to sleep on the couch”

Sirius opened his phone and pretended to ignore James.

“I mean you must be crushing hard if you willingly gave him your precious bed and risked missing your beauty sleep which we both know you desperately need”

Sirius kicked at him trying to push him off the bed. 

James fought him off.

“Mind your bees wax Potter”

James just sighed sat up and laid down beside Sirius dramatically.

“Can I sleep up here tonight? Peter has Mary over and she’s being rudely loud”

“Fine but you’re not getting the pillow this time” Sirius said yanking his pillow out from under James.

He set the pillow aside so as to preserve the sent of Remus on it and slept with the only other pillow. Maybe it was creepy to do that but he didn’t care as long as no one ever found out. James was right tho as much as he hated to admit it. He was falling hard for that sarcastic scrawny guy. James bundled up his sweater and used that in place of a pillow. Sirius laughed at him but felt somewhat sorry and tossed him the good blanket. 

*

December was the busiest Remus had ever been in his life. On top of studying for his own exams and finishing up assignments for them he had to mark tons of late assignments for the class he TA’d . Why did student leave everything till the last minute? He had also signed up to proctor extra exams to make a few extra bucks. He wanted to get an awesome Christmas gift for Lily. Lily had been the besets friend he ever had. He had gotten sick at the beginning of December and she had been there to help. Bringing him soup and making sure he kept up with his meds and check up. He expected he was going to get sick a lot for the next 6 months or longer depending on when his meds caught his body up on how to fight off infection. It was really the worst being sick constantly. During his second proctor session he had almost passed out standing there. He had to sit for a solid 30 minutes before he was able to even get up to get some water. He had sweat right through his undershirt and spent the rest of the exam shivering since he was wet and damp under his sweater. 

Along with everything else James and him were now starting to get equipment for the summer. Remus’s wolf traps had arrived and it took him a whole weekend to unpack and store them away in the spare room. The next weekend their collars had come in and since it was one big shipment and James was out of town for a game Remus had to sort, set up and store all of them himself. James brought him hot chocolate that Monday as a thanks. 

Remus was glad Christmas break was around the corner. 

His dad had made his bi annual phone call to see if he was coming home for Christmas and like usual Remus had come up with an excuse. This year being that he had to stay and work on permit and stuff. He hadn’t been home since his mom had died in his 3rd year on university. It was too painful to go home. Everything there reminded him of her. His dad didn’t sound too surprised tho, He knew how it worked now. He made his call twice a year, they talked briefly and then went on with their lives. Remus guessed it was also painful to his dad having lost his wife, he was probably lonely too. But Remus didn’t care ever since his dad had fought with him over his sexuality after he overheard Remus telling his mom he thought he was gay after his first year at university he had decided not to bother with his father. Not that he hadn’t tried to reach out to his dad , he did, but every conversation ended in his dad saying something terrible like ‘maybe he should try this theory his priest at church ran in the summer with the gays that he had apparently cured.’ And when that suggestion was turned down the conversation usually turned into a rant about’ how disappointing it was to have a son like him with natural tendencies and no desire to fix himself’. Remus was content with the rare phone calls and leaving that behind him. His father however was interested in hearing about his project which made Remus feel a little better, that at least his father was a little proud of him. He knew his mom would be proud of him, she always was.

Sometimes when he was alone in his room, or office he talked to her. He like to let her know about his project and imagine what she would say. He told her about how excited he was for the summer and his future. He told her how he wanted to be a professor one day and teach young people everything he knew, and mentor people to also move on in academics.

A week before Christmas was the lab Christmas party. They were allowed to bring one guest and Remus had asked Lily to come with him. Not only because she was his best friend , but also because James had asked her one day when she came to their office for lunch and she had said no before he could even finish his sentence. After James had begged him to invite her so that he could still hang with her and ‘show her what she was missing’. Remus had rolled his eyes at that, but invited her none the less. He just hoped James wouldn’t make a fool of himself like he usually did in front of Lily. But nothing could be worse than when he fell out their window when she walked in while he was sitting on the ledge. Thankfully they were on the first floor and he merely landed painfully in a bush. 

So the night of the party Remus found himself laying on Lily’s bed while he waited for her to get dressed. He had forgot to mention that the lab had decided to would be semi formal. So when he showed up in his old faded tweed jacket, and she was in her jeans and blouse she had insisted on changing. Remus had jut rolled his eyes and followed her upstairs. She was currently digging in her closet. Eventually she settled on a cream coloured wool knit dress and ducked behind the closet door to change, Remus averted his eyes even though she was well hidden. She came out looking amazing. The cream coloured dress made her flaming red hair and pink cheeks stand out beautifully. She went over to her dresser and quickly put her hair up with a fancy looking hair clip with a. White poinsettia on it. She was jaw dropping gorgeous. 

“Now we match” She said as she turned to him gesturing to his white wool vest under his jacket over his brown plaid dress shirt. 

“If James doesn’t pass out when he sees you I’ll eat my shoe” Remus said as she turned to him to go. She laughed and rolled her eyes. 

“James Potter has the brain of a mosquito” Lily retorted.

“That he does” Remus agreed holding out his arm for her to take. She laughed at that and they headed out.

******

James was having a ball. He had invited Sirius to be his date and was glad he had. McGonagall had gotten them a huge table at he back of the restaurant big enough for their whole lab plus guests to sit at. James was particularly proud of the fact that McGonagall was regretting letting them bring guests once she saw Sirius walk through the door. He had waved and greeted her loudly .

“Minnie you look absolutely stunning, radiant really. If I wasn’t as gay as a rainbow I’d have put a ring on it.”

McGonagall was not impressed. Her face had turned to stone with a glare that could freeze water. However she quickly forgave him when James handed her a bottle of finely aged Scottish Whiskey with a Christmas bow on top. 

“For my lovely secret Santa. I forgot to drop it by your office earlier.”  
That was a lie he purposefully waited till now because he knew he would need a peace offering when he showed up with Sirius.

Marlene had invited her girlfriend Dorcas who James and Sirius instantly bonded with her. While they were all waiting for Remus and hopefully (fingers crossed) Lily they had convinced Dorcas to drop a scary fake spider in her glass of water. Something Marlene. Dint notice until she went to take a sip and freaked out as she got a face full of spider. She had spilled water all over herself and the three of them had burst out laughing. Marlene chucked her spider at his head and stomped off the the bathroom. Dorcas gave them a quick

“Don’t worry I’ll go and cheer her up again” with a wink and follower her to the bathroom. Marlene did return happier if not a little pink in the face.

After awhile Remus did show up.

“Sorry were late everyone” James felt Sirius turn around so fast he was sure he cracked his neck.

James turned too and was awestruck. Beside Remus was Lily, and she looked gorgeous. Not her average gorgeous, but drop dead gorgeous. She seemed to glow and fill the room with light. His brain turned to a puddle.

She waved at everyone shyly from beside Remus. 

“Hey guys come sit down” James practically shouted out, he didn’t mean to his voice tended to do that when he was nervous. He gestured to the two open seats beside him. The empty seat he had adamantly defend and fought over Sirius to be beside. Sirius wanted to sit beside Remus so they had rock paper scissors. James had won. Sirius always choose Scissors. 

James pulled out the chair beside him and gestured to Lily to sit. She gave him an irritated looked then turned to Remus , he gave an apologetic shrug and sat down beside Marlene. Lily huffed but took the open chair beside James.

“You look amazing” James blurt out as he sat down. 

“Thanks” Lily said . She didn’t look at him though. 

“Your hair looks like a sunset” James said his voice cracking as he stared at her unable to look away. Beside him he heard Sirius snort as he tried not to laugh out loud. James made a mental note to put a bouillon cube in his shower head when they got back home. 

Lily turned and gave his a confused look. 

“You clean up good Potter” she said and then turned to talk to Remus. James felt his heart flutter.

********  
James heart sank as he heard the car they were walking away from whine and scratch as it refused to start up. Silence then the same pitiful sound of an engine refusing to turn over. Sirius and him turned to see Lily sitting in the front seat of an old Beetle the car whining and spluttering as Lily turned the key. She looked so distraught he found himself running back over towards the car. 

Remus rolled down his window as James got closer. 

He heard Lily let out a frustrated sound as the car completely stopped responding to her attempts to start it. 

“No no no no no” lily said voice sounding panicked. 

“Alright Evans?” James asked bending down and peering into the car at her.

Lily didn’t answer she just smashed her forehead down on the steering wheel her hair falling down to block her face.

There was a silent pause as the snow continued to fall slowly in the street light lite road. 

“It’s ok Lily we can walk home and get the car checked out in the morning” Remus said his voice sounding sympathetic. James saw him reach out his hand and put it on her arm.

Lily didn’t move but James heard her mutter something along the lines of.

“I know what’s wrong with it. It needs a new battery.”

Another long pause. Then James came up with a brilliant plan. 

“How about you guys jump in my car and I drive you guys home.” 

Lily didn’t move but Remus turned to him.

“That sounds great. Thanks James”

Remus nudged Lily and with a sad sigh she undid her belt and followed him out of the car.

*

By the time they had gotten to Lily’s apartment she had calmed down. She thanked them for the ride and invited them in. 

The apartment was more homey than it was the night of the party. There were more breakable things out and the placed smelled like baking cookies and fresh flowers.

Remus went right to the kitchen with Sirius bouncing at his heels with happiness. He kinda reminded him of the way Snuffles followed behind Sirius when it was time to go for a walk. 

“Thanks again for driving us home.” Lily said again.

“Hey no problem. Any excuse to give Sirius time to annoy Remus”

Lily laughed a little. He felt himself flush at making her laugh and smiled wide.

“Come on lets go have some tea”

James followed her to the kitchen.

In their Remus stood by the oven next to a warming kettle. Sirius sat on a bar stool by the counter rambling on about some new comet someone had discovered. He was surprised to see that Remus was actually listening apparently interested.

Lily sat down and put her head on the counter. Remus looked over sympathetically and turned around to reach into the top counter to fish out 4 mugs. 

Remus pulled out one mug at a time his shirt and vest riding up as he reached exposing his lower back. James could make out some faint scars on Remus lower back. On the last one stood with his arm up for while trying to get a mug from the very back of the cupboards. James looked over to see Sirius staring at the patch of exposed skin eyes glazed over. James took a step closer and lightly smacked his head. Sirius looked back at him with a look like ‘what did I do’. James mouthed ‘don’t be a creep’. He moved to sit between them as Remus turned around and handed out mugs filled with tea bags. The kettle started whistling and he filled their cups. Lily sat up and started drinking her tea slowly. James found himself staring at her watching her take her sips and shook his head, trying not to be a creep himself. 

Eventually Lily broke the silence.

“You guys want to play a board game?”

James smiled.

“Well duh, but be warned we play to win”

*****&&

Lily left to go get a game and came back with Monopoly. Remus pulled ups chair from he kitchen table and sat across from the three at the island watching as they set up the board sipping at his tea.Sirius called dibs on the dog piece and James went for the car. Lily took out the thimble and Remus decided to go with the iron. 

The game took a long time. James wasn’t kidding when he said Sirius and him were in it to win it. Unfortunately Lily never backed down on board games. Remus got out first which he was relieved at. He stayed happily sipping his 3rd cup of tea while the others batteled it out. Soon James was out thanks to Lily and her railroads, and then in triumph she took down Sirius with the red set.

Remus was happy to see the game had cheered her up considerably. 

The clock in the kitchen went of indicating it was midnight. Remus stood up and put his cup in the sink. 

“Sorry Lily but I should get going I have work in the morning” he said stretching.

“You sure , you can stay here tonight if you want” She said. Remus knew she. Hated him walking home late at night, particularly in his neighborhood.

“It’s ok Lils. I forgot my meds at home” he muttered the last bit.

She nodded.

“We can drive you” Sirius said standing up excitedly.

James rolled his eyes. But apparently decided to go with it because he responded with “Ya we can drive you. Come on lets go before I gets too late.”

The drive to his place was mostly James complain gin that he felt like a taxi because Sirius had ditched him to sit in the back with Remus. The other half was James questioning him about what was wrong with Lily’s car. Remus told him about how it was her dads old car and she was very attached to it. It always had problems, but the most recent problem was that the battery was badly corroded and needed to be replaced. Lily was just waiting for her next pay cheque. 

When they got to his place he hopped out and thanked them . He didn’t think he was going to see them until after the holidays since school was out so he wished them happy holidays. 

When he got in he was very careful not to make a lot of noise and wake Misses Hopkins, she didn’t like him staring out too late. 

******  
Lily was awoken early the next morning to a knock on her door. She was surprised when she opened it to see a guy in a jumpsuit with a clipboard. More surprisingly her car sat parked on the street in front of her apartment.

“Miss Evans?”he asked.

“Ya” She said

“Sign here” he said handing her the clipboard. She did and he handed her her pair of keys, keys she was sure she hung up last night. She looked back to see her keys missing from the rack. 

“Alright enjoy your car mam” he said turning around and heading down he stairs.

“Wait where did you get my keys and my car?” She asked shocked and confused.

“Corner of Elgin and Water. Don’t worry some guy named" The guy looked down at the clipboard "... James Potter called in the emergency repair service last night and handled it all. Have a nice day”

He walked away and hopped into the passenger seat of a truck parked nearby. She felt her face turn beet red as she was overcome with anger. Who the hell did James Potter think he was. She must had stood there mouth open for a good 10 minutes after they left trying to process what happened. She could take care of her own problems, she didn't need some puffed up little rich boy coming to her rescue, definitely not a puffed up privileged boy like James Potter. The arrogant prick. She wasn't a charity case. She was going to take care of it herself. It was her car. And he stole her keys to do it. That made her even angrier. The nerve he had to have that conceited ass hat.

Eventually she came to and ran back inside to get to her phone. She needed to yell at someone or at least complain and since she didn’t have Jame’s number she needed to call Remus and let him have it.She could take care of her own car she didn't need any sympathy help from Potter.


	10. Chapter 10: Hospitals and Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short chapter. James learns about Remus's condition

Christmas was very quiet. Lily had gone home for the holidays so Remus spent most of his days either in his room reading. A few times tho he went outside when it was sunny out and walked through the nearby park. He spent Christmas and Christmas Eve with his land lady. She baked thumb print cookies and told him stories about what it was like growing up in the war in Poland. When she learned that Remus’ mom was Polish she insisted on playing a board game with him, Hodowia zwierzatek. She also started talking to him in Polish occasionally. It was very comforting to hear someone speak it again. The last person he heard speak it was his mom, and hearing it gave him warm feeling inside. Overall it was one of the best Christmases since he lost his mom.

That was until 3 days before school was scheduled to start back up. He had woken up New Years days feeling like he had slept in a cold damp cave. He was shivering and weary and his head was congested. He dragged his feet all the way to the bathroom. He looked like a corpse. He pulled at his baggy eye in the mirror, even after a whole night sleep he felt like he hadn’t slept in days. He cranked the shower to the hottest setting and let the room fill with steam trying to help his aching throat and stuffed nose.

Unfortunately the cold didn’t get any better by the time he had to go back in. He thought about taking the day off, but he had an important conference call with James and the parks people they were working with this summer, which he couldn’t miss. James was super smart, but only in writing. In person and talking-to him he came off as more of an overgrown child. Probably not the best idea to leave him to help plan out an entire field seasons with the people who approve their permits and such.

So that Monday he took all the effort he ever mustered to get up and shower. He dressed without even looking at what he was putting on, one last big swig of daytime cold medicine and he was on his way out the door.

The ride to school was rough. He panted and swayed as he tried to keep his bike moving in a straight direction, he fell over. A few times in a snow bank and by the time he got to school his pants were soaked from the snow, and his shirt was soaked with sweat.

He did his best to dry off in the hand dryer in the bathroom and threw up once in a toilet. Once he got into his office he collapsed face first into the couch. Maybe he could nap before the call. He was dozing off before he could even reposition himself.

He was woken by someone shaking his shoulder.He slowly opened one eye to see dark brown eyes staring at him behind a pair of round glasses.

“Hey man, call starts in ten”

Remus just grunted he felt overheated and yet shivered. He tried to sit up and his mouth filled with vomit, but he kept it in and swallowed the acidic burn down his throat.

“Whoa man you ok? You look like shit” James said, looking at him, unsure of what to do.

“I’m fine” Remus heard his raspy voice say in almost a whisper.

James looked at him disbelievingly.

“I can take the call man. Go home and get better.”

Remus felt a little panic. Maybe it was the cold getting to him. Logically he knew James should probably take the call himself. He was in no state to do it, but the idea that he was incapable made his stomach twist. He wasn’t weak, he could do this. He had to do this. He was going to be sick a lot and he wasn’t going to let it hold him back. He wasn’t going to be weak and he definently wasn’t going to let people think he was weak.

He stood up quickly. Determined to show James he was fine, he didn’t need to go home. He could do this. He opened his eyes as he stood and the office began to spin. His vision turned white and his ears popped, and then black.

*******

James threw himself forward to catch Remus as he fell forward. He had quick reflexes, but even they weren’t quick enough. Remus fell face first towards his desk and his head hit it with a sickening thwack. The tall guy then fell in a heap to the ground.

“Shit shit shit” James said as he got down on the ground to see if Remus was ok. They guy wasn’t moving, but he was breathing steadily. James had knocked out enough people playing lacrosse to know what it looked like.

He shook Remus shoulders.

“Come on buddy. You ok? Come on get up.”

No response. That was unusual. James felt himself panic a little. ‘Ok clam down’ he told himself ‘Remus is fine, he just need help. He wanted to call out to someone, but he knew his hallway was empty. It was the first day back and lunch time, no one was around. What do I do? Call an ambulance, ya that’s what he should do. Remus hit his head pretty bad, he should call an ambulance’.

James felt his fingers shake as he pulled out his phone to call 911. He felt his voice quaver, as he described Remus and told them where they were. The dispatcher told him the ambulance would be there in 10 to 15 minutes.

Jame hung up and checked over Remus again. He was still breathing, which was a good sign, but not responsive yet. James could now see a dark, wet sticky spot forming on the side of Remus's head where he hit the desk. That wasn’t good. James reached over and grabbed an old hoodie from the back of his chair and pushed it under Remus’s head and held it there. He remembered from his first aid to put pressure on the wounds.

With his free hand he reached into Remus pocket where he saw his phone and picked it up. It was password locked so he pulled up on the broken glass and hit the emergency contact. It rang a few times before he heard a light voice answer.

“ Remus what’s up?” Lily’s voice said through the phone.

“Uhhh. Hey Lily it’s James. Listen Remus fell down and hurt his head. There’s an ambulance on the way right now.”

James paused as he heard something fall down on the other end and some sounds of chairs shuffling.

“Where are you guys?” Lily’s voice was urgent

“In our office”

“Ok I’m on my way. Stay on the line ok” Lily said and James heard the unmistakable sounds of footsteps running down a hall.

“How bad is it?”

“He’s knocked out completely. I can’t get him to wake up. And he’s bleeding from his head. I think it split open on the desk.”

He heard Lily’s breath get louder as she obviously was booking it towards them.

“ Ok, Put pressure on the wound. I’ll be there in a minute” Lily huffed out before the line went dead.

Jame slipped the phone in his pocket beside him. And continued to try and wake Remus up.

Not long after Lily burst through the door. She ran to their side. She was wearing scrub pants, but had a normal sweater and a t shirt on top. She checked his pulse and breathing, then reached into her pant pocket and pulled out some gloves. She put them on and took to holding the sweater under his head.

“Remus come on sweety wake up” She said. Remus stayed still.

James took his hands away and noticed vibrant red colouring them. Lily didn’t even look over but said to him.

“Go wash your hands, and thoroughly. With soap and water. Actually knowing you do it twice.”

“I’m not leaving…” James went to protest but Lily shot him an angry look and he left. He ran down the hall and washed his hands. When he was done he could hear the sirens approaching outside and went to meet them. The 2 guys in the truck came out with a stretcher and ran after him into the building.

They asked Lily questions, but Lily just deflected them to James who knew what had happened. How long was he out? how did it happen? Did he hit anything else? Why did he fall? Was he on anything drug or medicine? Did he have any sort of disease or complication?

At the last two Lily whispered into one of the EMT’s ears. He nodded and wrote something on a clipboard.

They hauled up the stretcher with Remus and Lily and James followed them out. Lily discarded her glove in a bio hazard box just on the inside of a lab, they passed on their way out.

James watched as they put Remus in the ambulance and Lily hoped in the back with 2 EMT’s.

“Hey dude, hop in if you want.” James heard and turned to see the driver with his window down gesturing to the now empty passenger seat. James ran to the front and jumped in as the ambulance wailed and sped down the street.

******

James paced in front of Lily in the waiting room while Remus went for an MRI. Remus had woken up in the ambulance, but seemed to be having trouble remembering who he was and what happened. The doctor was worried he might have hurt his brain. Lily was sitting in a chair, curled up and staring at the doors bright emerald eyes focused. She looked so worried James just wanted to fix it for her, but a) there was nothing he could do, and b) had learned the hard way then to try and help Lily Evans. Actually, now that he thought about it this was the first time she had even spoken to him since the shouting he had received over the phone after he had her car battery fixed a month ago.

James checked his phone and replied to Sirius who demanded updates every half hour. Sirius had insisted on coming but James had stopped him since he knew Remus well enough to know that he would be embarrassed if too many people showed up.

Eventually a guy in a dress shirt, tie and lab coat came out and headed towards them.

“Lily Evans?” He asked Lily.

“Yes”

“He’s fine now, nothing wrong with his head, he seemed to have a bout of the flu, which is why he probably passed out. He has got a big gash on his head from the impact and we stitched him up. However with his HIV he’s more susceptible to infection, his t cell vount is still pretty low. So someone will have to help him clean his stiches fequently until it heals.”

Lily tensed up as the doctor said that last bit. James saw her eyes glance over this way looking tensely around. James kept his face straight. That last bit was news to him and he was shocked but he didn’t want Lily thinking he was an asshat so he kept his face still.

“He is all good to go home in about an hour, just make sure to wake him up every hour for the next 24 hours if he decided to sleep.” The doctor finished.

“Can we see him?” James said careful to avoid eye contact with Lily.

“Sure he’s the third door to the right” The doctor said gesturing to the door to the hall behind him.

*******

Remus was sat up in his bed sipping on a glass of water. He had a shaved area on his head where some fresh stitches were showing. He looked pale, and slightly crossed eyed, but otherwise fine.

He smiled as they entered and Lily went forward to hug him. James stood by awkwardly watching.

When they broke apart Lily turned on Remus.

“You imbecile. You know better than to go into school sick.” She hit his arm with each word.

“Ow. I’m sorry ok” Remus protested.

“Your lucky James was there “ She said plunking herself down on the bed at his feet.

James walked up beside the bed and placed his hand on Remus’ shoulder.

“Gave me a right scare there mate” James said.

“I’m sorry” Remus replied in a low voice looking down at his lap.

James shook his shoulder.

“Don’t be sorry you prat. Just don’t do it again”

Remus just nodded.

Lily’s phone rang and she pulled it out.

“I’m sorry Remus I got to take this” She said standing.

“No problem Lils”

Lily went to walk out and gave James and evil look as she passed. James got the message. ‘Don’t mess with my friend or I’ll kill you’.

James chuckled a little and took Lily’s spot at the end of the bed. He wasn’t going to mess with Remus, but he did want to let him know he knew, and that he wanted to support Remus.

“So the doctor let slip about your….uh you know… little problem. That’s why you’re so sick all the time isn’t it?”

Remus froze eyes wide staring at James. He looked complexly panicked. James would have bet the guy would have bolted out the door if he was in any condition to do so.

“It’s ok you know. No big deal. Just I want you to know that you can always ask for my help if you need it. I’m your friend and I want to be there for you ok” James finished.

He watched as Remus's face soften slightly and he closed his eyes as if in deep thought. There was a long pause, then Remus just nodded, eyes still closed.

“Thanks James. it means a lot “ Remus said in almost a whisper. James felt himself smiling. He would do anything for his friends.

“Just don’t tell anyone ok” Remus said now looking at him with pleading eyes. “Not even Sirius ok. I… I just …. I’m not ready to deal with all the right now”

“No problem. I would never tell a soul without your say so ok” James reassured.

Remus smiled back at him.

Lily came back into the room.

“The nurse says you can go now. Come on and get dressed your coming to my place. No arguing”


	11. Chapter 11: Snowflakes fight back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus deals with Vernon and his racism, and James and Sirius tackle a protest group with some humor. Sirius runs in Regulus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been awhile since I posted but my boyfriend and I went away to the cabin for the week so I had no internet.
> 
> My writing is already super cringey so be prepared since this one is particularly awkward. Someone told me writing gets better with practice but I'm starting to think it's all hooey. 
> 
> James and Sirius scene inspired by the vine of the two guys kissing in front of the angry protesting professor. Love that vine. It's only second too the two bros in a hot tub vine.

Remus ringed the doorbell to the unassuming white panel house. Exactly like the other white panel houses in the suburb. A small little garden out front with the same brick driveways and warm glowing windows. It was Lily’s parents’ place and from the outside it seemed unlikely that this was the place Lily had been raised in . Its conformity was nothing like her free spirit. 

Lily had invited him to come to dinner with her family. Her sister was having a man she met at work, and had been dating for awhile, over to meet them. Remus knew Lily and her sister often didn’t get along. And he knew how hurt Lily got when she went home and her sister said something hurtful. Remus had stayed over at Lily's a few nights with Lily making her tea and listening to her rant and sometimes cry about how her sister had called her a freak. Or had fought with her parents about not working harder to have a nicer life, with a bigger house and fancier car. So when her parents had said that Petunia was bringing her boyfriend over to meet the family Lily had called him immediately and asked him to come along and act as a diffuser for any conflict. Lily really wanted to get to know this man, and also get along with her sister, so of course Remus agreed to come and support her. 

The door opened and Lily stood there beside a shorter more plump women who could only be her mother. Lily looked just like her mother. They both had the same flaming red hair, except her mom had hers streaked with grey. They had the same button nose and freckles, and small ears. But Lily’s mom had brown eyes, not vivid emerald green. 

“Hey.” Lily said and then introduced him to her mom. “Mom this is Remus my best friend” 

Lily's mother greeted him as he stepped through the doorway. Lily took his jacket and his mother reached up and pulled his face down to hers.

“Oh sweetheart you look ill.” She said peering into his eyes and pinching a cheek. ‘Too skinny, come in and we’ll get you fed.”

Remus smiled. Her voice was warm but a little scratchy. She smelled of cigarettes and lemon cleaner. Still she sounded just like Lily in the way she dotted on how he looked.

She led them down a hall to a kitchen which was warm with the smell of baking bread and ham. A beautiful carrot cake sat on the counter halfway through being frosted. Lily made him a cup of tea while her mother moved around the kitchen preparing dinner. 

“Lily you and Remus go into the living room. Your father should be home soon.”

The living room had a small fire going in the tiny fireplace. It was small but cozy in the room. It smelled like flowers mixed with the cooking from the kitchen. The couch and chairs were old and worm , but clean and soft. Inside the house was more like the Lily he knew. 

Soon they heard the door open and a thin tall knobbly man with a pointed face entered. He had dark brown hair and the bright green eyes Remus knew as Lily’s eyes.

He hugged Lily and shook Remus’ hand. He was kind and had the same smile and cheery air that Lily had. Not long after Lily’s mom brought her father a hot mug of tea the doorbell rang again and Lilys mother hurried to the door. There was silence as they listened to the newcomers come in and hang their coats and come into the house.  
Lily’s mother came in followed by two people.

The first was Lily’s sister Petunia. She was the complete opposite of Lily. She had her dads brown hair, and tall skinny sharp body. Her chin was long and pointed giving her the appearance of an irritated horse. She had no smile or kindness behind her brown eyes. 

The man beside her was enormous and round. His chins wobbled and he had no neck. He was dressed more formally than one would expect someone just visiting for dinner. He had his grey dinner jacket tight around his belly, and a tie around his non-existent neck. He had thick moustach on his upper lip which making him look like a walrus. 

They both sat down on the love seat after they greeted everyone. 

“Mother, father this is Vernon Dursley.” Petunia said. Remus noted how she purposefully didn’t look over at her sister or him sitting beside each other on the couch. He glanced at Lily to see her gazing confusedly at the man beside her sister. 

There was a silent moment where Lily’s mom shifted from foot to foot waiting for someone to speak. Eventually Vernon was the one to break the silence. 

“Lovely house. Terrible traffic coming in on the freeway with the construction” It was cliche but it broken the tension. Mr.Evans smiled and continued to chit chat.

Mr. Evans was able to keep Vernon in conversation while Mrs.Evans went back to finish up dinner. Which she said should be done soon. Petunia just sat and watched Vernon and her father talk now smiling at the them both. Lily was staring at Vernon as if he was a puzzle she was trying to decode. Remus sat sipping his tea and staying quiet.

Eventually Mrs.Evans came back and they all headed to the dining room. 

Vernon continued his chit chat, which had gone from traffic to weather, to now his job as an associate at a company that sold drills. 

Mrs. Evans tutted him after he Remus filled his plate, and added an extra big scoop of mashed potatoes to it, then offered them all wine. 

While Vernon and Mr.Evans began to eat Mrs. Evans picked up the conversation. Asking Petunia some questions. Remus learned that she had met Vernon at work where she was a secretary. They had been dating for about 3 months. She was taking a typing class in her free time. And that her and Vernon where going a local country and golf club where Petunia could play bridge with other women, and Vernon could play golf with other business men. Overall nothing like Lily’s life, and in all honesty pretty boring. So he sat and focused on eating the amazing food Mrs. Evans had made. He even took an extra helping of peas and carrots. Lily got her cooking skills from her mom and it was delicious. 

Eventually Mr.Evans began talking to Lily. Asking her how classes where going, and how it was going at the clinic. Lily seemed happy to share with her family. She started talking about how much she loved her classes, and about how Alice and her were taking art classes on weekends. Remus hide his laugh by eating more potatoes and gravy. He knew in reality the art classes were just painting nights at the bar where Lily and Alice drank too much wine and got paint all over their clothes. But he did get some interesting paintings some nights. Especially from them when they tried to paint what was suppose to be a wine bottle and glasses, but turned out to look more like inappropriate body parts.he was actually very fond of the paintkng and it was hanging in his room. 

Eventually Mr.Evans asked him a few questions. Where he was from. What he did. What he was studying. He politely answered maybe elaborating a bit too much on his project and the forest. Something he always ended up ranting about, since his work was his passion. 

“So how long have you been with him?” Remus heard Petunia say the first words that night to her sister. 

Remus taken by surprise chocked a bit on the wine he was sipping . He looked over to see Lily a little red but apparently not phased. She looked over to her sister.

“Were not dating. Remus is my friend. Best friend.”

Petunia only hummed disbelieving at that and went back to poking at her ham. Remus saw Lily roll her eyes. 

Soon Mrs.Evans brought out the desert and coffee and tea. Vernon and Mr and Mrs. Evans had begun to talk about politics. Well, Vernon talked and everyone else listened. Overall it was pretty basic things. Nothing Remus hadn’t herd on the news. Like the price of milk going up, and the building of a new highway. Until he heard Vernons voice get a little louder as he sounded a little riled up probably from the 4 glasses of wine he had guzzled. 

“It’s all got to do with those immigrant coming over. Raising the taxes on everything. The lot of them get their free healthcare and housing and us hard working people are expected to foot the bill. “

Remus felt Lily tense beside him. ‘Here we go’ he thought. He reached over and placed a hand on her knee which steadied her a little. He saw her take in a deep breath before turning her glare form Vernon to her plate. Lily was a caring person, she worked at a clinic at the school which helped everyone, and she volunteered once a week at a clothing and food bank which provided to refugees in the city who were still waiting to be able to work. Lily was an advocate for equality if there ever was one.

“ They bring over these lazy good for nothings who don’t work and can’t even if they wanted to. Not a word of English. Completely uneducated. “ Vernon was going into full rant his face flushing as he took another sip of wine. 

Lily was now shifting uncomfortably. Remus saw her bite her lip as she struggled to stay quiet. Honestly If the circumstances had been different and she wasn’t trying to get back along with her sister Remus knew she would be speaking up. Remus would know, Lily never stayed quiet when bullies were around. He decided this is when he should speak up by the look on her face Lily was about to explode. And honestly who cared if Vernon and Petunia hated him. As long as he was there for Lily. 

“ My mom was a Polish immigrant. Didn’t speak English or work either. She stayed home and took care of me.” Remus said in a flat tone cutting Vernon off. Remus’ face expressionless as he stared at Vernon not breaking eye contact. Vernon’s eyes narrowed.

“Well that’s obviously very different” Vernon retorted quickly dismissing the comment as if it was on a different subject. 

“How?” Remus challenged. Raising an eyebrow and trying to keep the mischievous smirk off his face as he saw how Vernon was shifting his wide bottom in the chair. Maybe James and Sirius were rubbing off on him, but Vernon’s reaction made him want to rip this guy a new one.

Vernon sat there his mouth opening and closing but no sound came out as he tried hard to think of how to respond. 

Remus waited patiently. He knew what this was really about, but was too amused by watching Vernon struggle to avoid saying it outright to offer him an out.

“Well.. Because those… these… it’s… the culture of… well” Vernon sputtered.

“Because she’s white” Remus said calmly finishing Vernons thoughts that he was trying very hard not to say. 

The dinning room went quiet. Everyone was now looking between Vernon and Remus. Vernon had turned red. His mouth was held open and seemed stuck.

Petunia broke the silence.

“Are you insinuating... that…that” Petunia stuttered out her face pinched with anger. 

“That your boyfriend is a racist” Remus finished for her. “Yes , although I thought I was being rather direct.”

“How dare you!” Petunia said dramatically standing up from her chair Vernon standing right after looking furious.

“I will not be called a racist by some derelict child “ Vernon roared. “Especially one who knows nothing beside the false reports fed to him by the dishonest media. I am the least racist person you have probably ever met, but I am informed enough and close enough with people high up to know that our country should be legitimately concerned with the people we allow in. Racist I think not tho”

Remus couldn’t help it but he felt his smirk break through his attempt to stay straight faced.  
“Me thinks thou doth protest too much” He said calmly hiding his inner laughter. Never had he seen someone lose such a temper. This man was truly ignorant and delusional. 

Beside him he heard Lily snort with laughter at his joke. At that Petunia lost it. She grabbed Vernon by the arm and pulled him away from the table.

“Honestly Lily I would have expected you to grow up these past years. But it seems you are still consorting with these radical reformist. You are truly a freak.”

And with that they both stormed out and right out the door.

Beside him Lily was glaring at the door Petunia had left through her face showed anger and disgust but Remus could make out the dark look of sadness and hurt. 

“Well that could have gone better” Mr.Evans said with a sigh, but he didn’t sound surprised. Maybe he was expecting this given how Remus knew dinners with both Lily and Petunia went in the past. “At least there’s still dessert” And with that Mr.Evans reached for another slice of cake. 

 

*********************

 

James was walking with Sirius across campus after early morning practice. He hated early morning practice. He despised having to get up at the crack of dawn to run around in the cold, then beat his body sore with drills. Sirius didn’t seem to mind it. He was always chipper before practice. Well except for the mornings he woke up with a hangover. Then Sirius was almost impossible to deal with. But today was a good day, and they had just finished showering and had decided to head to the cafeteria that served all you can eat breakfast before they headed to their office. It had become like a ritual. Wake up, almost die at practice, go and stuff their faces with pancakes and bacon, then get on with the day. It reminded him of when they were in undergrad and they would eat every meal at the mess hall together. 

They passed over the bridge that went over the river that separated the athletic center from the rest of campus. It was getting warmer out so the ice was breaking up and being carried downstream in chunks. Sirius was ranting on and on about how it was unfair of Coach Hooch to make him do extra laps for calling her ‘hot dynamite’ when she demonstrated to them a one legged squat that had set their legs on fire. James was barely listening, he was more intent on keeping his eyes in the direction of the building which he knew his warm buttery pancakes were waiting for him.

He let out an irritated huff when he saw group of people by the entrance to the building. They were all blocking the entrance way handing out pamphlets to anyone walking by. A few people were standing in a line holding signs. A little to the side were two tables set up with banners across the front. One had the letters CAGM (Canadians against Gay marriage) and the other HUCSS (Hogwarts University Catholic student society). James had seen these guys all over campus the last few days. He knew most students hated them being there but that hadn’t curbed their efforts. 

He looked over to see Sirius now staring where he was his eyebrows knit in anger. James knew Sirius came from a conservative french catholic family that wasn't too kind to him because of how openly Sirius lived. Sirius had spent his life trying to shove the French part of him away in either hurt or spite. James elbowed him lightly.

“Hey want to have some fun?” He said coming up with a fun idea.

Sirius smiled back at him his anger turning to mischief. 

“What do you have in mind?”

“Nothing too big, just a selfie I think we should post to the schools twitter” James said extending his arm out and grabbing Sirius by hand. “Come on sweetheart” He laughed at Sirius as he pulled him forward. 

As they got closer the line had started to chant. 

“ADAM AND EVE NOT ADAM AND STEVE!” and “CANADA IS NOT GAY!”

James winked at a guy who gave him a dirty look when they got close. They positioned themselves in-front of the line of people now waving their signs and shouting at them holding hands. They stayed far enough away though to stay out of the way just incase. Sirius was playing it up as he put his arm around James and grabbed his butt as they turned their back so that the protest line and signs were in the picture. Behind them a women mimed vomiting as they took a selfie. James leaned over and gave Sirius a big dramatic kiss not only for the photo but for the amusement of the angry line. 

It wasn’t the first time Sirius had kissed him. Sirius greeted most people they were close to that he looked up to by kissing both cheeks. Usually their mom and dad, but occasionally himself when they hadn’t seen each other in forever, or Sirius was drunk and lost him in a bar. However he had only kissed him on the lips once. It was after their high school team had won against the school his brother now attended and played on the opposing team. This was right after Sirius had run away and come out. They had planned it and Sirius flipped the bird to his mother and father in the stands as James lifted him and Sirius locked lips with him. Jame’s mom had scolded him for flipping his parents off, but seemed amused enough to forget it by the time they went out for dinner. 

This kiss was similar. Mouth held closed tight but Sirius dry lips pushed up hard against his. Sirius and him trying hard not to laugh. They took a few selfies while the crowd around them continued. But once James was satisfied they had a good one they broke apart. Sirius put his arm around his shoulder and they turned to head in ignoring the people shouting terrible things at them.  
Jame immediately sent the best picture to Peter, Lily and Remus knowing they would get a kick out of it. Then posted it on the school forum with the message ‘haters gonna hate’.

“I see you haven’t improved your kissing skills” Sirius teased him as he pilled his plate with bacon and scrambled eggs. 

“Shut up. I’ll have you know I’m a great kisser” 

“Uh huh sure.”

“Oh and you’re any better? I don’t see many blokes lining up to take a crack kissing you with your smelly breath.” James retorted drowning his 10 pancake stack with syrup.

“That smell is garlic toum potatoes, and those potatoes are delicious” Sirius said blowing air in his direction before heading towards a table balancing his two plates of food and giant glass of OJ. 

"And i get waayyy more action than you"

They sat eating their breakfast in silence James pulled out his phone and was disappointed to see Lily hadn’t responded to him yet. He opened his email and began scrolling through it while he ate. He paused when he heard someone walk up to their table. 

Both he and Sirius looked up at the same time. James could feel the air grow colder beside him as he recognized who was standing there.

Sirius brother Regulus was standing their chin turned up nose wrinkled in disgust. He was wearing a blue t-shirt with the block quebecois logo on it and a HUCSS pin on his jacket. 

Regulus spoke first. His voice was higher than Sirius’ but it had a thicker French accent and he seemed to have a more formal pace to his words. 

“Why do you insist on continuing to embarrass the family with your ridiculous stunts?” Regulus said to Sirius in a cold tone.

James felt Sirius’ leg shake angrily under the table. 

“Why do you insist on being mommy’s little racist piece of shit” Sirius said voice raising in anger. “Also since when do you support those lunatics?” Sirius said disgusted pointing at Regulus’ shirt. 

“If you must know Bella introduced me to the importance of politics last year. And maybe if you bothered listening to her you could also do something worth it with your life beside just chasing stars and living in debauchery. ”

“Ya and settle down and marry a suitable leech with a wealthy family who’s as off their rocker as Bella and have perfect little white children and live happily ever after secretly banging guys in the shower rooms at the country club behind mothers back” Sirius said in a mocking falsetto waving his hands in the air dramatically to make his point.

Regulus forced and looked at his brother visibly upset. 

“That’s not funny Sirius” Regulus said in a short voice “Que cela vous plaise ou non, vous êtes un Black, et c’est votre responsabilité…” Regulus had switched to French maybe by accident, maybe to leave James out but James knew enough French having gone to private school and living with Sirius.

Regulus didn’t get to finish whatever it was Sirius was responsible for because Sirius stood up angrily pushing the table forward hitting Regulus lightly at the hip. 

“Come on James. Lets get out of here before the shit my brother's spewing get all over the table.”

James stood up grabbing his bag bag off the floor.

“Foutre le camp bitch” Sirius said flipping his brother off. And with that James followed him out. He mentally prepared to deal with grouchy Sirius all day. Maybe Remus would be here today and Sirius would cheer up.


	12. Chapter 12: Slughorns Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more angst since I'm slightly drunk and bored since my boyfriend is out of town.  
> I promise next chapter will be more fluff. 
> 
> I don't like Snape. He's just a child abusing creepy stalker guy and is going to be the villain in this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Sirius in my story is trans. I have read a few stories where Sirius is trans and it made my heart sing, so my Sirius is now trans.  
> As a gay trans guy I'm very excited to write a gay trans character in my story

Remus both loved and hated the pranks James and Sirius got up to. On one hand they were usually hilarious and harmless. They always got their hallway of grad students smiling and laughing. On the other hand Remus hated being the one pranked, and since he shared an office with James, and Sirius seemed to enjoy constantly pestering him he was targeted more than the others.

Most of the time he didn’t mind. Like when he came in and somehow they had managed to get a whoopee cushion under the upholstery of his desk chair. How they got it in there he’ll never know but it was solved by stealthily switching chairs with Mary down the hall. Or at Christmas when he came in and they had wrapped all his things in Christmas wrapping down to each individual pencil. It was probably worth more in effort tho since he unwrapped it in less then 10 minutes after James admitted they had been here till midnight. 

Today however he did mind. He had been off the prank radar for at least a week and a half, and he guessed it was because of Jame’s discovery of his illness. However it didn’t last long since James showed his affection through being an annoying git.

He came in that morning after his early morning class arms full with his tea thermos, a textbook, and a big parcel that had the waterproof note books he ordered for their summer field work. He dropped it all down on his desk, and sighed as he hefted his heavy shoulder bag onto the floor in its usually spot. He had had a bad morning. He woke up late so he hadn’t showered or eaten yet, he only managed to fill his thermos with tea. His bike’s tire was going flat so his ride took a little longer than usual, and left him sweaty. He had run into a bunch of protesters by the entrance to the building he had class. Shouting terrible things, so he decided to go around and use the other entrance, which made him late. They had a test that day in class, which he had stayed up very late studying for. The stress of the test was off his back now but he was exhausted. Not only that he had stepped in a puddle of slush and discovered his left shoe had a hole, and now his foot was wet and cold. He was having a very bad day, which were happening more and more often this year. Maybe he was chronically unlucky. 

James had his headphones on and was watching a t.v. show while he graded papers. His feet up on his desk as he lounged back. Sirius was on the couch writing down what looked like notes. Snuffles laid across his lap sleeping. They both didn’t look at him as he settled. This set off little alarms in his head. James and Sirius usually only worked when they were pretending to be innocent. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Sirius. Sirius eventually looked up smiling slyly. Remus turned away and examined his desk. Nothing out of place. His computer started up fine. All good there. He opened his top drawer to grab a piece of paper and a pencil. It felt rather heavy as he slid it open.

“You got to be kidding” He said aloud feeling jaded. He heard James snort and Sirius chuckles with laughter. 

The content of his drawer where gone and replaced by a giant plastic bag which was filled with water. Inside the bag that now filled his drawer was a tiny yellow fish swimming around a decorative piece of coral. They had turned his drawer into an aquarium.

“Really guys this isn’t funny. What am I suppose to do with a fish?”

“Her name is Daisy” James said turning in his chair.

“I don’t care what her name is. Good lord what if this leaks” He said exasperated. He opened the drawer below to make sure nothing was ruined by a water leak, and let out a flustered grunt. The larger drawer beneath the top one he opened had the same set up except since the drawer was bigger it fit a whole decorative castle with three goldfish swimming around happily. At this James and Sirius burst into full out fits of laughter. James fall off his chair and sat on the ground trying hard to breath while laughing very hard. Sirius had tears of joy. Remus felts fist clenched. 

Mary came and poked her head into the office at the commotion and started laughing too once she let herself in and saw the open desk drawers. 

Overcome with anger he bent down and grabbed his bag and his thermos and turned to leave before he lost it completely and started yelling. He prided himself on being able to keep a level head, but today has patience was wearing thin. Or maybe it was just this whole bloody year of misery that was wearing him thin. Either way he needed go go somewhere quiet to calm down. 

“Oh come on Remus, don’t be upset. We’ll clean it up, we even have a tank for for Daisy, Delilah, Moe and Monty” He heard James say before he closed the door behind him. Maybe a little harder than he meant to. 

“Way to go you idiots” He heard Mary say to them through the door before he stormed away.

 

*

 

The Hogwarts Library had quickly become his favourite place in the world. It was larger than any other library he had been to, which wasn’t much competition. He had come from a small town with a tiny library , and his past school where he did his undergrad and masters was very small.

The head librarian Madam Pince nodded to him as he came in, but her face kept its hawk like eyes narrowed. She had a habit of swooping around the place scolding students who dared dog ear pages, or put books back where they didn’t belong. Remus was still in her good graces and he planned to keep it that way. 

The walk over had calmed him down. The cold air mixed with getting out his energy walking had taken him from angry to just mildly irritated. Coming into the library even the irritation washed away. It was warm and cozy. The lights glowed with warm yellow light and the wood paneled floor making his steps make soft clunks as he headed to the giant stair case. The main entrance was open with tall glass windows and a big statue in the middle of the space of the four founders of the school. Which was way back in the day. Hogwarts was the oldest school in the country. Most of the old building resembled castles, and the library was no exception. Remus climbed the stairs until he got to the top floor. This was usually the most empty floor, since most student who just came to study didn’t bother to climb the stairs this high.Remus still saw some student were strewn throughout the aisles either at desks bent over reading, or looking for some reference on the shelves. The top floor was mostly filled with old references from old journals, and there was a section where building plans for the school and it’s history were. Mostly if anyone was up here they were architecture students looking for building records.

Remus found his way to the far end of the floor where the shelves grew closer together and the ceiling went lower. It was a little dark, but warmer and no one was nearby. The aisle he ducked down had shelves filled with old ecology textbooks, and outdated field guides for birds, mammals, plants and bugs. The information wasn’t really up to date, and pretty useless snce most of it could be looked up online. Which meant when he studied here he was often left alone. He made it to the end of the aisle where it turned in a little so that he could sit beside the shelf and out of view. The lamp above shown a warm light down and the spot smelled like wood and old books. He sat down in the little alcove between the book shelves and the wall and rested his head against the wood wall behind him. He closed his eyes and breathed in the silence and comfort. He seriously thought about napping but decided to read the papers McGonagall had sent him instead. He reached over to his bag and pulled out the papers he had printed yesterday. He knew it wasn’t good to waste paper but he found had a hard time trying to read off his laptop. He absurd more with he appertains medium, also he could highlight things and write notes in the margins. 

He read 2 papers before he heard someone go into the aisle beside his. They were whispering, but not carefully and Remus could make out what they were saying when we put down his paper and listened hard.

“I don’t know why you give the guy a hard time Snape. He’s just a tech who cares if Slughorn invited him.”

“It’s not just Pettigrew. Slughorn has seen fit to invite along his arrogant Indian roommate and his pet queer.”

Remus froze eyes widening he recognized the second voice. Severus' sneering voice was unmistakable. He also knew exactly who Severus was talking about. He straightened a little and carefully pulled in his feet into the alcove in case they decide to come down this aisle . He listening harder. He knew what this was about. Professor Slugnorn had an bi annual party where he invited people who had influence, and student who he thought would go places. Slughorn had a reputation for collecting students who excelled and used their influence later to get himself forward. He knew about all of this because Lily was one of the people SLughorn had decided to collect. She was the top in her class and that had caught Slughorns attention. She had been invited and had asked him to come along with her since she didn’t feel comfortable going alone.

“Why would he invite those clowns” The first voice questioned sounding disgusted.

“From what I deduced Potter’s family had a lot on influence with the board, and we both know regardless of families troubles Black is still a powerful name in this world. “ Severus drawled on sounding bitter.

There was a pause.

“If Slughorn wants to be seen inviting browns and fags to his party then it’s his funeral.” Voice one said seemingly uninterested in this subject now. 

There was pause and Remus sat very still. Then he heard Snape just hum in agreement to the first persons comment. 

“Are you coming to the meeting tonight?” The first person asked Severus.

“Yes, but I will be late. “

“Why?”

Severus seemed to pause to consider is answer.

“A friend invited me to coffee after their late class.”

“It’s not that red headed swot is it?”

Another pause.

“If you must know yes, I am meeting with Evans.”

“I don’t know why you bother with that libtard. It’s not like she’s sleeping with you.”

“It’s none of your concern what happened between Evans and myself”

“No, but I am right. She’d rather sleep with that homeless looking polack then sleep with you.”

Severus merely let out a hiss like sneer. And Remus prayed they didn’t come around the corner to his aisle. He knew the rumors some people were spreading about himself and Lily. Well people who didn’t know them at least. He wasn't out, and people automatically assumed when a guy hanged out with a girl that it meant something more.

“She’ll come around.”

“Don’t hold your breath..”

Remus heard someone put something back on the shelf then people walking. He sucked in his stomach to pull his feet closer. But he heard Severus and his companion walk by without even stopping to look down the aisle. Once they were far enough away he relaxed a little and put his legs back out. 

Well this party is going to be ‘interesting’ Remus thought scornfully. 

 

*

The day of the party Remus got dressed in his best pair of trousers and an ironed his white dress shirt. He felt a little self conscious. It was formal attire but the best he had was a patterned wool vest and bowtie. The vest was sorta formal but it was second hand and a little tatty and faded. But the faded tattiness matched his pants so all together he hoped it worked. 

Lily picked him up since she had borrowed Alice’s car and they headed to the country club Slughorn had rented a room in. Lily was dressed in a pretty black dress with white lace around the collar and she had her hair down with her hair tucked back with a a white bow. She looked much nicer than he did. She rolled her eyes when he mentioned this.

 

The country club was very fancy, even in March when everything was brown and dead. The ball room Slughorn had booked was nice and cozy. Not to big so that people were always around other and it made it easier for Slughorn to get around and talk to everyone. When they arrived he came over and kissed Lily on both cheeks and exclaimed how happy he was she was there. He then greeted Remus and shook his hand. Remus was a little offset by the guy. He looked like a overgrown baby with a mustache. He seemed very nice, but he also seemed very disingenuous. From his bragging about how the old president of the university was in attendance, to telling Lily she had to meet the director of St.Mungos who was also apparently there. The only thing that seemed genuine was him telling Remus about how Lily had taken his pharmacology course and was his star pupil. 

“Oh I do wish you would consider coming to do a PhD for me after your program, but if you are sure about nursing who am I to stop you. You’ll go far whoever you end up my girl. Just remember my offer always stands.” 

After they got away from Slughorn they found a table in the corner of the room as far from the crowd of people in fancy suits and dresses as they could. Lily looked as if she was just an uncomfortable as he was. They sat in silence watching the crowd. They silence was however broken when, not to his surprise, he saw James, Sirius, and Peter making their way towards them. All three of them were sporting clean button ups and dinner jackets.  
They all cleaned up pretty good. Peter looked smart dressed up, and James was always good looking, if only he would take the time to comb his hair. And Sirius had put on black eye liner and had pulled his hair back in a sleek ponytail.

“Good grief” He heard Lily sat beside him. He couldn’t help but chuckle at that.

“Hello Remus, and hello gorgeous” James said as he sat down at the table beside Lily. Sirius and Peter followed his lead and sat down too.

“Hey James.”

“Hello Potter”

“Brrrr. Why so cold Evans?” James said pretending to shiver at her cold greeting. 

“Don’t take it personally James, but I really don’t want to spend the night being hit on by you.”

“Fair enough. I’ll keep my lovely charm to myself then”

Remus heard Sirius snort with laughter beside him.

“I give him 20 minutes before he breaks and starts up again” Remus jumped as he felt Sirius whisper into his ear. He let out a nervous laugh very aware of how close Sirius was sitting. He could feel his leg touching his. 

He stood up trying not to trip over himself. 

“I’ll get us drinks” He said before heading across the room of people to the bar.

He got to the bar and asked for two glasses of wine. Once he had them he turned to head back but was blocked by someone.

Severus was standing there dressed all in black looking like he was a cat cornering a mouse. 

“What a surprise to see you hear Lupin.” Severus said obviously not surprised

“Hello Severus” Lupin responded. He kept his voice even. He didn’t like Severus. The guy creeped him out. He always seemed to show up when he and Lily were alone. He shot nasty looks at him when he was around. Sometimes nasty comments. Mostly about how his clothes were worn or had holes, sometimes about how tired he looked, and a lot of comments about how he thought Remus’s degree was useless and required no brains.  
He also didn’t like how Severus also had a habitat of constantly staring at him like he was observing him for weaknesses.

“I didn’t think Slughorn would waste his time inviting some environmentalist” Severus sneered.

“I’m actually here with Lily” Remus replied refusing to let Severus see any weakness. Severus lips curled at the mention of Lily.

“No if you’ll excuse me.” Remus went to get around Severus but he side stepped and didn’t let him leave.

“Quite remarkable how Lily chooses to spend her time consorting with people like yourself. I have to wonder why. Perhaps there is something I’m missing.” Severus drawled menacingly. Remus knew what he was implying. He also knew Lily had told him a million times that there was nothing going on between them. But Severus it seemed refused to let it go. 

“She invited me as her friend as you very well know. I also don’t think she would approve of you treating her like your possession” Remus said letting his voice let out a little bit of his own malice. 

“Friend indeed.” Severus said sarcastically lips thinning. “I suggest you leave Lily alone from now on. If you know what’s goo for you.” 

Remus froze eyes narrowing at Severus’s words.

“Are you threatening me Severus?” Remus asked keeping his tone flat in challenge. He wasn't scared of Severus, he was however worried about how Lily would react to Severus acting like this.

 

However Severus response was cut off by the surprise appearance of Sirius. Sirius came up behind Severus and coughed loudly.

“Ah Snivellous. I hope you’re not getting your filth all over my dear friend here.” Sirius said side stepping him and wrapping an arm around Remus’s shoulders.

“Careful not to flaunt you indiscretions so openly Black. It would be a travesty if some more radical people decided to… take action” Severus said slowly eyes narrowing. and with one last glare at Remus he turned around, his jacket blowing behind himself like an overgrown bat.

“Prick” Sirius said after Severus. “What was he bothering you for?” Sirius said leading him to the bar to order 3 beers.

“He thinks me and Lily are together, and isn’t too happy about it.” Remus replied sighing.

Sirius frowned. 

“So you and Lily aren’t?”

“Merlin no. Never. Were just friends”

Sirius smiled at that. He got his 3 beers and they headed to their table.

“So then I guess she wouldn’t mind if I compliment you and say you look particularly sexy in that vest.”

Remus rolled his eyes. His usually response to Sirius teasing him.

“I’m serious Remus. Bow ties are my turn on”

“Everything is a turn on for you”Remus joked.

“Just everything about you” Sirius replies they got to the table. “Here we go beers for my bros” He said as he handed out the beers to James and Peter. Remus sat down and handed Lily her wine. He took a big sip of his own. 

A band had now come in and had started playing on the other side of the room. Guests started pairing up and dancing, or else breaking into groups on the sides and at tables to talk. James picked up the conversation at their table.

“How’s Alice? Frank told you she passed her background check and is joining the police academy”Jame asked Lily obviously trying to get back into Lily’s good book for the night.

“Ya iv’e been helping her get ready. She states in the fall so she still has a bit.”

“Ya Franks excited, he got in too. Thinks they can be like a power detective duo. “ James continued.

The small chat continued for a bit. Mostly between Lily and James, but Sirius and Peter jumped in occasionally. Lily would occasionally shoot James or Sirius a look of annoyance every now and then when they said something to annoy her. James mostly since he seemed unable to stop with the bad pick up lines. Remus stayed quiet nursing his wine and trying not to focus on the fact that Sirius had put his arm around the back of his chair and was so close Remus could smell the sent of musk and smoke coming off him. He quickly finished his wine trying to focus on not falling back into Sirius. Then scolding himself for even wanting to do that. 

 

*

 

Sirius really didn’t want to come to Slughorn's stupid party. He didn’t like the man very much, but Peter had to go so James and him sucked it up and went for Peter. No way were they going to leave him alone at a party that Snape was attending. However his attitude had changed when he saw Remus and Lily sitting in the corner. He nudged James and James face lit up in a smile. The night had just got fun again. 

Sirius considered James’s obsessions with Lily to be a little too much, but he had never seen such a love struck look in his friends eyes before. Lily however seemed to only have indignation behind her eyes when she saw them. However Sirius knew by the end of the night they could break her down and have her laughing along with them. Well as long as James and him didn’t do anything to extra.

Sirius himself was elated to see Remus. He was worried Remus might still be mad about the fish in his desk, but he smiled when they sat down and didn’t try and elbow him in the stomach when he put his arm around him on the chair. So far so good. He was in a great mood eve whenthe guy left to go get drinks. That was until he looked across the room to see Snivellous seemingly blocking Remus from leaving the bar. Remus’s face was set like stone, but Sirius notice him shifting from foot to foot, something the guy did when he was nervous. Sirius didn’t need to hear them to know whatever Snape was saying to Remus wasn’t good. He stood up abruptly and muttered to James and the others that he was going to get some beers before speed walking through the dancing crowd. 

 

When he got close to them he heard Remus say “Are you threatening me Severus?” Inside Sirius felt his anger flare like someone had pour a heap load of fuel on a fire. That slimy git better not be threatening Remus.  
His first thought was to punch Snape from behind, but decided that probably wasn’t the best option in a crowded room.

“Ah Snivelly. I hope you’re not getting your filth all over my dear friend here.” Sirius said as he side stepped him and wrapping an arm around Remus’s shoulders. The gesture he hoped conveyed ‘fuck off and leave my friend alone’.

Snape sneered in with a discomforting evil smile that made Sirius narrow his eyes to challenge back.  
“Careful not to flaunt you indiscretions so openly Black. It would be a travesty if some more radical people decided to… take action” Severus said slowly and with one last glare at Remus he turned and left.

“Prick” Sirius said after Severus. Like he was afraid of anyone here.He felt like going after the guy and showing him just how this gay felt about being threatened when he remembered Remus was right beside him.

“ What was he bothering you for?” He said leading Remus to the bar. 

“He thinks me and Lily are together, and isn’t too happy about it.” Remus replied sighing.

Sirius frowned. In all honestly he too was interested in the subject of Remus and Lily. They were always together, and were very close. But overtime he or James asked Remus denied it being more than friendship so Sirius decided to stop asking. But still hearing Remus say it still made his throat close up as he became more focused on what Remus was saying. 

“So you and Lily aren’t?…”Sirius asked hoping he didn’t sound to nosy.

“Merlin no. Never. Were just friends”

Sirius smiled at that. Remus sounded sincere. He got his 3 beers and they headed to their table.

“So then I guess she wouldn’t mind if I compliment you and say you look particularly sexy in that vest.” Sirius said feeling a little more happy, forgetting all about Snape. 

Remus rolled his eyes. His usually response to Sirius teasing him.

“I’m serious Remus. Bow ties are my turn on” Sirius continued. He was being honest. Remus with a bowtie was beyond attractive.He couldn’t help but try and flirt with him.

“Everything is a turn on for you”Remus joked.

“Just everything about you” Sirius replied as they got to the table. 

They sat at the table talking for a long time until Lily turned to Remus and demanded he dance with her. Remus didn’t seem to want to dance but Lily broke him down and he allowed himself to be pulled away from the table. Sirius watched the as they went, trying hard not to oogle certain parts of Remus’s anatomy as he walked away.

He was brought out of his thought by Peter saying “You’re both pathetic you know that” 

Sirius shook his head and turned to see James staring too. Sirius smacked him on the Sid of the head when James didn’t look away at Peter’s words.

“I’m not pathetic just helplessly gay.” Sirius protested leaning back in his chair and downing the rest of his beer.

“What’s Jame’s excuse then” Peter said.

“Prongs is pathetic” 

“Hey!”

“I need a smoke.”Sirius said standing up. 

“I’ll come with you” James said standing after him. “You coming Wormy?”

“No thanks.”Peter said looking around as if looking for someone. “I’m gonna go find a friend”

“Suit yourself” Sirius said heading to the door. 

The sun had now set and it was cold enough to see him breath. James hoisted himself up on the a stone wall that ran along the perimeter of a garden entrance. Sirius merely leaned on it and lit a smoke. 

“I really wish you would stop smoking. It’s disgusting” James chided him.

Sirius grunted but ignored James. He had no desire to quit he enjoyed it too much. He had started to piss his parents off, but now the one or two smokes he had a day seemed him a indulgence he wasn’t ready to give up no matter how much James, or Peter, or his Coach, or everyone else he knew complained.

They sat in silence listening to the wind blow the trees and some girls giggling by the door as they too took a smoke break. He was pretty sure Jame’s mind was wondering off just like his because James didn’t try and argue with him anymore. Sirius really didn’t like parties like this. They reminded him of the ones his parents would have all the time. He had never enjoyed them growing up. Relative would dot on Regulus and tell him what a handsome and mature young man he was. Sirius on the other hand would usually sneak out at the first opportunity. He could only take his mother not so casually forcing him to meet with important family friends, or force him to talk to the their sons. All while scolding him telling him he would be such a lovely young lady if he wasn’t so stubborn and dressed up like he was more often. 

Sirius hated the dressing up the most about parties. Most of the time he was able to get away with wearing jeans and baggy t-shirts where his parents wouldn't notice his binder underneath. Not like they hugged him or paid attention anyway. But at parties he was forced to wear terrible dresses and his mother would force him into her bathroom and put makeup on him and do his hair. According to her women of his status shouldn’t be parading around in mens clothes . They should be proper and primmer, and calm, that way they could attract the attention of successful boys from good families. 

Sirius remembered how angry his mom had been when she found out just hours before a Sunday brunch that Sirius had cut his own hair to prevent her from making him up like a doll. The beating he had received after the party, where his mother had struggled to explain her ‘daughters’ new hair style, was one of the worst, but to Sirius it was worth it. 

On his 16th birthday he had left home after his mother had lost it on him for showing up to brunch with his family in one of his brothers Sunday outfits instead of the dress she had put out for him. Sirius now old enough to make his own decisions had decided to fight back ,and after announcing to his whole family that his name was Sirius and he refused to be addressed as anything else was told if he kept this up they were going to send him away. He then decided to leave knowing they couldn’t force him back. The Potters had taken him in and were glad to invite their new son into their home. Sirius could never repay them for their kindness. He was so lucky to have them. He wouldn’t be where he is now without them. They helped him find himself, from Mr. Potter taking him to get hormones, to Mrs.Potter buying him new clothes and getting his hair fixed. They even went to his school to fight for him to be able to join the boys gym class with James. 

James always stuck up for him too. He remembered once when they were 14 and Sirius had been out at school for almost a year James had beaten up 2 kids at once for calling Sirius names. After that Sirius was made fun of significantly less. Everyone at school knew not to mess with Jame’s best friend, even Regulus kept quiet about Sirius’ behavior at school because of James. Or maybe Regulus was scared of more fighting happening when Sirius and him got home that he just decide to ignore what Sirius was up to. 

Sirius took he last drag of his cigarette and smiled as he thought about were he was now. Finally in the body he felt confident in and happily comfortable with who he was. 

“Come on lets go back inside before I freeze my butt off” Sirius said putting his but into a disposal container. 

James followed him inside. 

When they got inside they headed to the bar again, taking the long way around to avoid Slughorn. They stood there drinking their beers watching people flit around. 

“Hey Padfoot look at Pete” James said nudging him in the side and pointing to the middle of the dance floor where Peter was currently dancing around with a pretty short dark hair girl. Peter wasn’t the best dancer but his dance partner didn’t seem to mind. She was getting pretty close to him whispering in his ear which made ol Peter giggle. 

“That’s the way Pete. Get right back on that horse” James said smiling. Sirius snorted. Peter had been a real bummer this past week since his girlfriend/bed buddy had dumped him. Sirius was just happy he wasn’t woken up anymore in the middle of the night by her loud voice and he tendency to hit Peters head against the wall. 

“Let’s just hope this one is a little more quiet” Sirius said.

He search the dance floor again hoping to spot a certain sandy blonde and his red headed companion. Maybe he could convince Remus to dance with him. It would be a great excuse to touch the guy.

James must have been on the same page because he spotted them before Sirius. 

“Look” James said pointing to the other side of the hall where three people where standing in a corner far from everyone else. Remus stood beside Lily looking down at his feet with the expression of someone about to throw up or run away. Beside him Lily was red in the face standing at full height (which wasn’t much) with the angriest look he had ever seen.she looked downright scary. She wasn’t screaming but from the way her hands moved as she talked she wasn’t not screaming either. Her anger was directed towards the person who had their back to them . Someone dressed all in black with particularly greasy hair. 

“Slimy git” Sirius said.

“Come on” James aid walking forward. There was no need to tell Sirius he had stepped forward at the same time heading towards the scene.

“It’s none of your business who I invite places, who I spend my time with, and definitely not who I date!” Lily said with a raised voice as they got closer.

“Your my friend and I’ll be damned if I just sit by while associate with... with trash like him. And not just him but also his merry band of idiots. They’re taking advantage of you, especially him. He just wants to get in your pants” Severus said quickly sounding just as infuriated. Remus shifted beside Lily and went to say something but Lily cut him off.

“Who the hell do you think you are? I’m not one of your racists elitist friends Severus. And even if Remus and I were sleeping together you have no right to say anything. Now get out of my face before I lose it and hit you.”

Severus didn’t move instead he engaged in a staring contest with Lily it was hard to tell who looked more angry.

Remus looked up and saw them and he seemed to perk up a bit seeing help on the way.

“You heard the lady Snivilly. Get going ” James said stepping nest to Lily while Sirius stood behind him as support. 

Snape glared at them. 

“Well if it isn’t James Potter come to the rescue with his pathetic side kick lord Black” Snape sneered.

“Go before we make you” Sirius said feeling his anger rise higher and fueling his bravery. 

“No need for threats Black. I’m leaving. I consider against my code of coduct to hit girls.” Snape said with an evil sneer to rival all the villains in Disney movie. 

Sirius lunged forward to bash in his greasy skull but James held him back. Snape turned and strode away. 

“Calm down mate. He’s just trying to get a rise out of you” James hissed at him both hands on his chest holding him back. Sirius stopped trying to go after Snape and stood there fuming. He felt someone else put their hand on his shoulder and tuned to see Remus standing there looking at him with bright golden amber coloured eyes. He relaxed and felt James let go of him. 

“I don’t need you coming to my rescue Potter” Sirius heard Evans say with malice.

Jame and him turned to Evans. Sirius knew about her freaking out when James helped her with his car, and that he could understand a little. But this time Sirius thought she was being ridiculous. 

“Don’t flatter yourself Evans. It wasn’t for you. we’re just tired of Snivellous treating people like shit. He does this same nonsense to Peter“ Sirius spat back.

Evans looked like she wanted to argue more but Remus interrupted.

“I think Iv’e had enough for one night. Let’s go home”

Lily just nodded and stormed to the door. Remus stayed back.

“Thanks guys.” He said to both of them before leaving. 

Once Remus was gone James turned to him.

“Let’s go home before you lose it and beat up Sniviliy in front of this lot.”


	13. Chapter 13: Welcome to camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Remus begin their fields season and get a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spring has started and I'm excited to be spend a lot of time camping and doing field work so I'm excited to do some Marauders camping stories.

"Don't forget your fluffy sweater and your meds " Lily said from Remus' reading chair.

Remus pulled his head out of his closet pulling out his tent that was shoved in the very back.

“Already packed. Along with 4 months worth of tea" Remus said being completely serious. He never joked about tea. 

Lily checked her phone where she had obviously written a list for him. 

"Rain boots, jacket, spare jacket, socks, underwear, hat, sunglasses, gloves, bear spray, pillow, sleeping bag, flash light, gps, batteries, phone, solar charger..." she started listing.

"All here" Remus said gesturing to his bed which was piled with clothes and all his stuff. "Question is how i get it all in my knapsack"

"The bigger question is how you plan on hiking in with all that junk." Lily said with a skeptical eyebrow raise. 

Remus rolled his eyes. "Worse comes to worse I make multiple trips."

"Worse comes to worse you trip and fall from the weight down a cliff never to be seen again"

"Hardy har. You know I’m going with James right?"

"That's suppose to make me worry less?"

Remus just chuckled and dove back into the closet to retrieve his rain pants folded at the very back. 

"Summers gonna suck without you" he heard muffled from outside the closet.

"Alice is going to be around most days" he said as he backed out and headed to the bed to start stuffing things in the knapsack. 

"Ya but she just wants to spend most of her day with frank... alone." Lily said with a pout. 

"James said Sirius is gonna be alone here all summer. Maybe you can keep the mut company"

He heard Lily snort derisively behind him.

"He’s not so bad once you get over the arrogance, immaturity, and senselessness" Remus said in response. 

"Don’t forget the obnoxious fumes of cologne"

Remus laughed. He remembered the day James had apparently tampered with Sirius cologne bottle causing it to spill all over him making it impossible to be near the guy all day.

He put down the rain jacket he was folding and pulled out his phone to check the time

"Come on lets go out for lunch. I can pack later tonight" he said 

"Probably not the best idea to wait till the night before to pack"

" meh it’ll be fine." He shrugged extending his hand to her to help her out of the chair. "If i forget something you can just take the 4hour drive and 2 hour hike out to bring me whatever I forgot"

“Keep dreaming there Bear Grylls"

 

***********

James rolled his eyes as Sirius let out another loud exaggerated groan. He ignored it and started rolling his pillow in his sleeping bag.

Another louder groan.

"Can i help you?" James said annoyed as he turned to look at the pathetic form of Sirius laying across his bed hanging off the end like he was dieing dramatically.

Sirius just groaned again. 

"Sirius i cant stay for the summer. You know that."

Another more put out groan.

"Its just 3 months. You can surely entertain yourself for that long."

Sirius let out a huff much like Snuffles does when he's fed up. 

"Go work out at the gym, join a club, get a hobby"

Another groan.

"If your'e going to talk to me in grunts and moans you can leave"

Sirius sat up on the bed.

"What if i come with you?"

" you can't, ill be working"

" Well I can just hang around camp all day until you get back"

“Ill be working from dusk till dawn. Also I’m pretty sure your'e not allowed"

"Did anyone say I wasn’t allowed"

"I'm pretty sure its implied"

"Come on please"

"Sirius no"

He locked eyes with his best friend doing his best not to break hes serious gaze.

Eventually Sirius threw up his hands in surrender.

"Fine. But don’t blame me when you get back and the house is burned down and Iv starved to death wandering the streets”

And with that he dramatically walked out making sure to drag his feet out the door and up the stairs slowly.

"Drama queen" James said under his breath.

 

******

 

The next morning Sirius woke up before the sun rose. He could hear Jame's alarm going off in the room below his. Snuffles head perked up from the foot of his bed blankets over his head. Sirius held up his finger to his lips shushing the dog to stay quiet. He carefully got out of bed and dressed. Once ready he held his ear to his door. He could hear James get in the shower downstairs.

He grabbed his stuff he had packed last night by the door. Two large rucksacks. Put one on his back and one on his front. Snuffles came over and Sirius strapped a doggy knapsack to the now a wolf sized dog's back. Snuffles seemed to understand what was going on and stayed very still and quiet.

Sirius slowly creaked open his door and slowly began tiptoeing down the stairs Snuffles right behind him also carefully staying quiet. It was nerve racking going past the floor James and peter shared but James was listening to music too loudly to notice what was going on in the hall. Once he got to the ground floor he very carefully opened the front door and slid out. Snuffles went pee than joined him hiding in the alley beside the house. Sirius sat on the cold ground behind the dumpster waiting. It was cold this early in the morning and he wished he had grabbed something to eat his stomach was growling.

But his patience paid off when a large panel van pulled up in front of the house. He heard the driver get out and make his way to the front door and knock.

After a few minutes he heard James open the door.

"Hey Remus. Is that really what we’re driving?" James said a little disappointed sounding.

"Ya. Why what were you hoping for?"

"I don't know maybe on of those cool giant pickup trucks."

"Well this is what I got. Its not like were gonna use it much anyway"

"Ya I guess. Anyway help me with my stuff"

Sirius stood up to peak out into the street. Remus and James had their backs to where he was hiding and were throwing James stuff in the back which already had a bunch of other stuff Remus had packed.

They both turned and Sirius hide again.

"I got some more equipment in the house"

The two boys headed back towards the house. Once he heard the door close Sirius gestured to Snuffles and ran towards the van. He threw his bags in and then helped Snuffles up into the back. He looked around wildly finding places to hide. He shoved his bags behind Remus’ and James’ and then made his way over to some Rubbermaid boxes at the back. He shoved them forward creating a little alcove between two stacks. Snuffles came over and laid down flat between some rucksacks and Sirius reached over to re arrange the backpacks to hide him better. Snuffles huffed at him as if to say 'this is never going to work stupid'

"Quiet" Sirius whispered creeping back into his hiding place as he heard the front door open again. His heart was pacing as he heard the guys getting closer. He almost jumped out of his skin when the van shock as someone dropped some heavy containers and pushed hem beside the stacks hiding him. But to his relief he heard the doors close. 

"Yes" he said under his breath. Relaxing a bit.

He saw Snuffles roll his eyes and then close his eyes to go to sleep.

Outside he heard James ask to drive and Remus toss him the keys. The two guys got into the front and soon Sirius felt the car rumbled as it turned on. Soon he could hear music playing on the cab and the faint mummer of Remus and James talking. He settled in against the hard floor and boxes smiling to himself for executing the perfect summer plan.

********

It was honestly the most uncomfortable 4 hours of his life. His butt was numb and sore from the hard metal floor, and it was impossible to sleep. He tried to play games on his phone but he couldn’t get into a good position, and after almost knocking over the stack of bins he tried not to adjust too much. On the bright side once they hit the road he could stretch out his legs. Snuffles had no problem settling in. he had gotten up and laid down onto the pile of sleeping bags refusing to relinquish the one good spot to Sirius. When he felt the car slow down and stop 4 hours later he was relieved. He really had to pee and didn’t think it was worth risking trying to sneak out when they had stopped half an hour ago when James and Remus had stopped for gas and lunch.

His plan for jumping out and surprising James when he opened the back doors of the van were thrown out the window. Once he felt the van pulled to a stop and the front doors open he ran to the back flung open the doors and jumped out. They were parked at the end of a dirt road surrounded by forests. He faintly heard Remus say “What the hell?” And James exclaim “GOD DAMNIT SIRIUS!” before running into the woods to relive himself. Snuffles followed him sniffing the bases of trees. Once they both finished their business they jogged back to the van. James was standing there arms crossed. While Remus stood leaning against the van looking amused. 

“You are crazy you know that?” James said.

“Ya but you love me” Sirius teased holding his arms out. Snuffles barked happily running over the James to suck up. James gave in immediately and pat Snuffles head and threw the stick the dog dropped at his feet. Snuffles went running after it. 

“Come one James. You know you secretly wanted me here” Sirius teased walking over to throw his arms around his friend and try and given him a nuggie. James struggled to get out of the headlocks and ended up collapsing both of them down on the ground. The wrestled for a bit, Which Sirius thought was good since James obviously needed to get out his frustration. By the end when James had him pinned and was rubbing his face in the grass he seemed to have forgiven Sirius and was starting to have fun with the situation. 

“Alright you deviants, come help me unload the truck” Remus called holding back laughter as he watched the two of them. 

James helped him up.

“You’re an idiot. You have never been camping in your life. Come to think of it I don’t think you’ve ever stepped outside a city before”

“Hey not true. I’ve been to Central Park” Sirius said in his defense.

He heard Remus snort from inside the van.

“Did you even pack a tent or anything?” James asked like he knew the answer.

“As a matter of fact I did” Sirius said straightening up proud of himself.

“I really hope it’s not this tarp” Remus said emerging from the van with his bag here the giant blue tarp he had packed was folded and strapped to the top along with his sleeping bag he had stolen from Peter and his favourite pillow.

James gave him a look of disappointment. Sirius walked over and snatched back his bag. 

“As a matter of fact it is. I saw a video online about how to make a shelter with a tarp and some rope.” 

Both James and Remus face palmed. Sirius just frowned at them. He was serious. He stayed up late all night watching videos on how to survive outdoors, and he was excited to try out some of the tricks he had seen. He was also looking forward to starting a fire with two sticks, and making a rabbit trap.

“Sirius that’s how people die” James said rubbing his head ruffling his hair.

“exactly. it gets cold at night, plus it’s bound to rain eventually” Remus chimed in.

“Fine I’ll just bunk with James.”

“Wait wait wait” James stuttered out. “Actually you know what I think the tarp is a great idea. Genius really. You’ll be a fully fledged outdoors-man by the end of the summer”

“James” Remus said sounding disappointed.

“Come on James sharing is caring’ Sirius said lifting himself up into the van to grab the other stuff.

James kicked a rock. “Fine but I receive the right to kick you out if you start to smell to bad”

“Don’t worry I always smell like roses. It’s Snuffles that doesn’t like baths” Sirius teased.

 

**********

Hiking into camp was one of the worst work outs he had ever experienced, but at the same time it was also the funnest. He was weighed down with bags and straps that weighed just as much as he did , and the ground was unpredictable. The trail went up and down and from dry and rocky to wet and muddy. It took them a little over 2 hours to make it . James seemed fine, but Sirius was worried about Remus. The guy looked a little pale in the shade of all the trees. Sirius was genuinely concerned the guys thin scrawny legs would give out any minute.  
But Remus didn’t seem to mind and kept up with them. Snuffles maybe felt the same way as Sirius because he kept close beside Remus. His doggy backpack filled with dry dog food, and his favourite ball in his mouth. 

All in all James and Remus expressed that they were kind of grateful Sirius was here since it was one extra person to help lug the extra equipment to camp tomorrow. 

The forest itself was beautiful. The sunlight shone through the green canopy, and birds were singing in the distance. It smelled like Christmas trees, wet ground and moss, and was intoxicating. At one point he saw a chipmunk run across the path and he called out in excitement. He had never seen any real wildlife except rats and the occasional squirrel in the city. James just rolled his eyes at him when he got excited over the stuff he was pointing out.

“Man you’re such a city boy” James joked. 

Regardless of his excitement he was happy to reach the camp. It was a small clearing in the wood beside a lake. A small wooden shed stood off the side the clearing and a fire pit was set up in the middle. 

They immediately got to work putting up their tents. Remus had his set up first since he didn’t have Sirius ‘helping’ him . Eventually James and Sirius had their tent up and began setting up inside. Jame’s tent was a little bigger which was a relief since James would probably lose it if they had to essentially sleep two people and a dog in the space built for one person. Sirius rolled out his sleeping bag and pad and was a little miffed that it smelled like hot dogs and Peter. He then pulled out the dog bed and blanket he shoved in one of his bags for Snuffles who immediately laid down on it when he put it down at the foot of his bed. James was kneeling at the foot of his bed reorganizing his bag. Sirius just threw his bag down beside Snuffles and laid down looking up at the fabric of the tent ceiling. 

“Man it's crazy we haven’t shared a room since undergrad” Sirius said teasing.

“Ya. This time can we please not replace each others pillows with shaving cream.”James said turning serious.

“Don’t worry James. I didn’t even bring shaving cream. I think I want to grow a beard.” Sirius said sitting up with a grin. "Like a biker" "More like a hipster: "Your'e just jealous i have more hair on my ... Oof"Sirius was cut off by a flying pillow. 

“Also let’s set some boundaries ok. Like maybe we can come up with a signal or something if one of us needs privacy.”

“Don’t worry James. I’m going to be extra noisy when returning to the tent late at night. I don’t need a repeat of that horrible night after exams in first year.” 

James blushed but didn’t respond. Sirius lay there listening to Snuffles snore biting his lip to hold back the teasing he desperately waned to do to James.

“On the bright side at least I don’t have to listen to you and your tinder dates through the walls. There's no one for miles” James teased.

Sirius snorted at that. “Careful James. Being cut off from society for so long I might become desperate.” Sirius tauntingly raised his eyebrows at him.

James threw his pillow at Sirius. “Don't even think about it you pervert” . Sirius laughed and threw the pillow back. 

“Oh James I’m just so lonely out here. My loins ache for you” Sirius side doing a annoying falsetto.

“Ummm when you guys are done I could really use some help out here setting up” Remus voice came from outside the tent sounding a little unsure. Sirius guessed he had just heard the end of that conversation. James blushed hard but Sirius laughed super hard as he sat up and crawled over to the ten fly careful not to disturb Snuffles.

 

Sirius was really excited to be here even if he had to work for once in his life.


	14. Chapter 14: Fireside songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I haven't posted in a long time. But I want to get back in the swing of things so I'm going to post this not so good chapter so I can get to some ideas I'm really excited about.

“Jamessss….. Jaaammmesssss….. JAMES!” Sirius whispered urgently peaking out from his sleeping bag.

He heard James groan and rolled over.

“What?” James whispered back.

“I heard something outside the tent” Sirius whispered back sounding a little panicked.

“It’s probably a racoon or something. Just go back to sleep” James whispered back yawning at the last word.

Sirius just stared into the darkness training his ear on the sounds happening outside and not the snores of Snuffles.

He jumped a little and his eyes widened in the dark when a loud cackle broke through the deafening silence. Then another cackle and a screeching gurgle sounds answered back but closer and louder.

“JAMES! Did you hear that!?” 

“It’s just some owls Pads. Please go to sleep” James pleaded before rolling back over and his snores joined Snuffles.

Sirius pulls up on his sleeping bag and pulled it over his head trying to drown out the sounds from outside which are making him nervous. Everyone always says how peaceful the and quiet the woods are at night, but they couldn’t be more wrong. The forest is noisy. The unrelenting chorus of frogs chirping, screeching owls, raccoons scampering around in the bush, insects buzzing around, the trees swishing in the breeze. Really it’s quite maddening. He misses the nice white noise of the city. 

Plus the ground is super hard even with the sleeping pad. His back and knees ache with soreness from the hike, and the extra work it took to empty the shed and set up two big canvas tent and setting them up. Plus his nose which is the only part now sticking out of the sleeping bag is freezing cold.

It isn’t till late that night that he finally falls asleep.

*

Sirius wakes up the next morning when Snuffles jumps onto his stomach to wake him up. The stupid mutt either still thinks he’s a small dog, or he knows just how big he is and is using his size to his advantage. 

Sirius reluctantly climbs out of his warm sleeping bag and dresses quickly. Beside him James snores on as Snuffles licks his ears. James could sleep through a hurricane in the morning, well unless they have practice. Then all of a sudden he becomes an early bird.

Once dressed he climbs out of the tent Snuffles jumping out before him barking happily and running to the tree line to pee.

Sirius looks around the camp. The sun has just come up and the grass is covered in wet dew. All around birds are singing. Unlike last night this menagerie of songs is quite beautiful. The lake is still reflecting the blue sky. It’s surprisingly serene. Fitting right into the surrounding landscape is Remus sitting in a chair by a small fire. A steaming cup is pressed to his lips and he's writing in a book proper up on his lap. He doesn’t notice them until Snuffles sees him and runs over demanding pats and a sniff of his tea. 

“Snuffles, down boy. Tea is from people not for dogs.” 

'wooff' Snuffles responds back trying to lick out of the mug again.

Sirius laughs and sits down in the chair beside Remus. Breathing in and taking in the sent of the campfire. Really it’s one of the most wonderful sents he’s smelled. Much sweater than cigarette smoke, and more perfumey and smoky than cigar smoke. 

“Whatcha writing?” He asks Remus.

“A schedule” Remus answers without looking up from his scribbling.

“Of course.”Sirius says with a smile. “So what's on the docket for today?”

Remus take a few seconds to finish writing something at the bottom of the page before folding his book up and tucking it beside him.

“You and James are gonna head back to the van and pickup the rest of the supplies and equipment.”

“What about you? You don’t honestly trust us with such an important task?”

Remus gives him sly smile. “Not particularly, but I’d rather that then you two organizing here and taking out the rest of the equipment in the shed.”

“Fair enough.” Sirius relents 

“Tea? Coffee?” Remus asks as he gets up to put a soot covered metal kettle on the fire and reaching into his bag to pulls out another mug and a container which Sirius can see is filled mostly with packages of tea.

“Coffee” Sirius says. He’s definitely going to need to extra caffeine.

He watched in fascination as Remus boils the water right on the burning coals between the logs. He’s impressed with the careful way Remus takes the boiling kettle off once it’s boiled with a stick he uses to pick it up and fill his mug. 

Drinking a hot drink after a cold damp morning after a night on the cold hard ground immediately warms him from his toes to his fingertips. He sighed contentedly taking in the feeling and enjoying the morning. For probably the first time ever he’s just content sitting quietly with Remus listening the the birds and watching he fire crackle away. Snuffles now laying under his chair head resting on his feet.

After a while Remus breaks the silence. 

“So you really have never been camping before?”

Sirius snorted thinking bitterly of his parents. 

“Nah. My mom considered the outside too dirty. Although I went skiing with my uncle Alphard once, but a 5 star hotel barely qualifies as camping” Sirius laughed. He always had fond memories of Uncle Alphard. Alphard never nagged him to behave, or tell him how to dress. Alphard always called him ‘sport’ or ‘buddy’, and always did his best to take him away so he could go off and do what he wanted, and not what his mother or father wanted him to do. He remembered Alphard being the first person to teach him how to play sports. He even once taught him how to change the dial in the scale in his moms bathroom so she thought she was had gained 50 lbs. He has been grounded for 3 weeks straight, but it was worth it.

“Barely” Remus responds with a sarcastic smirk at him. Sirius looked over and couldn’t help but feel butterflies seeing Remus smile at him his eyes shinning golden yellow in the morning sun. He quickly snapped out of it when he realized he was probably making a goofy face. He shook his head and sipped his coffee.

“How about you?”

“Ohhh um my dad was a park ranger so I pretty much grew up outside” Remus said looking down at his almost empty tea.

“That’s so cool. So like did you guys live in the woods?”

Remus snorted at that and gave a more reserved smile.

“No, but we did spend most of our time staying in a cabin in the woods. When my dad would go out to work my mother would take me out to pick berries, and mushrooms, and herbs. And she would make the best preserves with them.” Remus said staring unfocusedly in the fire his small smile lighting up as he spoke. But he quickly snapped out of it and began pouring himself another cup of tea.

“She sounds like a a stand up women. Do you see her often?” Sirius asked.

Remus’ smile immediately fell and he looked up his face dark and blank. His mouth opened slightly and stayed open but no sound came out. 

Sirius knows that face. ‘Shit’ he thinks to himself. His brain working at double speed trying to figure out what to say to change the subject. Thanks fully he hears the tent rustling behind them as James emerges stretching and yawning. James walks over plunking down into the last chair by the fire. 

“Morning lads. Remus be a dear and throw some water on the fire for me. I need my morning coffee before I even consider doing work.” He jokes. This snaps Remus out of his hard sad stare and he busies himself with putting the kettle back on the coals and getting a mug ready for James. He see Remus’ eyes have gotten a little red and Sirius watches as Remus discretely wipes his eyes on his sleeve. Something James oblivious to anything not food, sports, or names Lily Evans doesn’t notice. Sirius wants to say something to apologize but decided it’s probably best to leave it and apologize later when Remus doesn’t have to stick around if he doesn’t want to. 

Secretly he wonders what it is that has him so upset. But he makes a mental not to never ask. He knows from experience that you should never push people into talking about difficult family stuff before they’re ready. 

 

“So what do you guys want for breakfast?” James asks rubbing his hands and getting up to head for the bear box breaking everyone out of their thoughts. Even Snuffles gets up happily when he hears breakfast barking and running over to the bear box. Sirius smiles and heads over with James.

 

“Depends. I’ve never eaten dried food from a bag before. What do we have?” Sirius asks getting lost in his excitement to try camp food.

 

*************

 

To James setting up camp had been a long 3 days. The ATV that was in the shed was broken which meant Sirius and him had had to hike to the van to pick up the rest of the food and necessary supplies while Remus tried to fix it. 

When they got back sometime before dinner the ATV was still broken and a frustrated Remus was covered in dirt and oil and glaring at the machine. Thankfully though Sirius had proven himself useful and had stepped in and fixed it before sundown. 

“Dude where did you learn to do that?” James asked amazed.

Sirius just smirked with the arrogance and showmanship that only Sirius could pull off. 

“I just read the manual, and just you know just figured it out.” Sirius replied sitting atop the now idling vehicle un tieing his bun with greasy hands.

After the ATV was fixed moving everything back to camp was much easier. What wasn’t easy was riding along with Sirius who insisted he be the one to drive side he fixed it. The bastard drove like a maniac and driving way too fast for James to be comfortable. But at least it was an adrenaline rush.

After camp was set up Remus and him got into the swing of things. They would head out in the morning leaving Sirius behind to do as he pleased in camp. Usually they came back to some sort of poorly conceived shelter Sirius had tried to build. Sometimes however they came back to dinner already made and a big pot of cocoa on the fire, which was welcome seeing as it was cold in the forest in the early spring. 

One time they came back to find Sirius stuck in a tree. It took him and Remus awhile to get him down. His excuse being that a racoon had gotten into camp and when he tried to shoo it away it ‘attacked’.

“Yes but why did you climb into a tree?” Remus asked as he helped James hold Sirius’ feet while he lowered himself down.

“Because it didn’t think it could climb. And Snuffles ran into the tent like a coward. I was on my own it was the classic fight or flight situation. Plus I’m pretty sure it was rabid” Sirius went on as Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius stepped in James’ face.

James really enjoyed working one on one with Remus. Even though the guy was usually quiet and studious at the office in the field James was starting to see the mischievous side of him. The guy was ridiculously sarcastic and always quick with comebacks. He could dish it out better then Sirius when drunk, and he could take it back too. One time at lunch he called Remus a the product of a librarian fucking a daddy longlegs. Remus laughed so hard he sprayed water out his nose. 

At first James was also worried the guy might not be up for long days in the field. This was something he was worried about since he learned about how he was sick. But Remus didn’t seem to let that hold him back. Sometimes James struggled to keep up with the guy was just glided through the brush and trees. He immediately felt bad about thinking that Remus might not be capable. And after a couple days even started asking him if he was alright every couple hours. Something he was sure Remus was relvied at since the last few times he asked Remus if he was ok the guy had snapped and told him he wasn't made of glass.

As fun as Remus was James still enjoyed the days Sirius came out with them. Having Sirius around was like having an over excited kid at a fair who had never seen cotton candy before. Those days they usually got less work done since they stopped a lot to look at things, and occasionally get Sirius or Snuffles out of a hole, or once out of a river they fell into. On The days when Sirius came out with them Remus tended to wander off on his own before lunch saying that they could get more trail cameras out if they split up. Although James suspected the guy was just tired of them moving too slowly. 

After two weeks of setting up camp and putting out trap cameras the three of them decided to take the day off. Remus was hesitant at first but gave in when Sirius and him started pleading together. 

“Come on Remus. PLEEEEEAAAASSSE” Sirius said pointing and leaning sideways against Remus doing his best puppy dog eyes. 

“Fine fine. But I don’t want either of you riding off on the ATV. I don’t need to carry you both out of here to bring you to the hospital.”

“Don’t worry Reemy. James is gonna teach me how to hunt anyway.” Sirius said leaping up Snuffles on his heels as he headed toward their tent.

“Reemy? That has got to be the worst nickname so far…” Remus started muttering while James got up to follow Sirius. “….Wait! Hunting! Are you both crazy!” Remus screamed as James took off running to avoid the wrath of Remus.

However Remus didn’t have much to worry about much since Sirius was the worst at being stealthy. He managed to scare off 3 rabbits, 2 grouse and a very angry turkey resultsing in 0 chances to try and hunt anything. 

“Good thing we have food or else we’d starve. Remind me never to team up with you during a famine” James joked. Sirius retaliated by pushing him into a thorny bush. He scrambled out of the bush with scratches all over his armband hands and to push Sirius down. He was successful and Sirius fell into a puddle of mud. When he got up Sirius raised his muddy hands and attempted to wipe them all over James, but James took off running back toward camp Sirius in pursuit.

When they got back to camp both significantly more muddy they saw Remus sitting by the lake leaning against a tree reading. Snuffles laying across his lap. 

James and Sirius locked eyes both sharing identical mischievous smiles. James carefully put down the rifle and tiptoed with Sirius closer to the where Remus was peacefully reading oblivious to them. 

When they got closer the broke into a run and both cannon balled into the water splashing Remus and Snuffles. The later who immediately jumped in after them once he realized the excitement of what was going on. 

“AHHHH!!! You bloody wankers!” Remus shouted as James and Sirius broke to the surface and Snuffles started barking at them as he doggy paddled out to them. “I take it you didn’t catch anything then?” Remus says shaking the water off his book.

“Nope” James says leaning back into he water relaxing as he floats with his eyes closed and hands behind his head.

“Only because James is a lousy teacher” Sirius replies pulling on the stick Snuffles picked out of the water and throwing it in further for him to fetch. 

“Only because Sirius has the grace of a rhino stampeding through a fruit market.” James corrected not moving from his lounging position.

Sirius waded over and forced James’ head under the water in retaliation. James fought back and came up looking out of breath immediately tackling Sirius down into the water. 

“You are both children” Remus said reopening his book.

Eventually Sirius gave in when James managed to successfully put him in a head lock. He only let go once Sirius admitted James was the most handsome and manly dude he has ever met and the best hunter in the whole world.

Knowing he was not going to get any more peace with James and Sirius around Remus got up and left to go start a fire for dinner.

James and Sirius hung out in the water playing fetch with Snuffles and joking around until the sky started to turn orange as the sun set and their lips turned blue as the temperature dropped. 

After they changed Sirius ran over to Remus who was sitting by the fire and leaned up against him.

“Oh Reemy. I’m so cold. Warm me up” He joked. Remus lightly pushed him off laughing. 

“In your dreams” Remus said in reply.

“Too late” Sirius said wiggling his eyebrows and then jumped into James' lap wrapping his arms around his neck. 

“James warm me up.” 

“No get off me you poof” James said pushing Sirius , but Sirius clung on harder pulling James down with him.

“When you two decide to behave can get some food from he box” Remus says sounding exactly like a disappointed teacher.

"Aye Aye" Sirius joked doing a mock salute.

While James went to get the food Sirius made a detour to their tent and came back with a bottle of rye.

"Come on lads. I think we all deserve a drink. plus I could do with something to warm me up." Sirius said sitting back in his chair and pouring out some rye for everyone.

"You know alcohol doesn't actually warm you up right? It just makes you feel warmer." Remus said , but still accepting his cup.

"What warms the soul warms the body" Sirius replied.

"Very poetic" Remus said sarcastically

"Ya you should have given up astronomy and written greeting cards for a living" James joked.

By now the sun was almost all the way down and the sky was dark. The first stars and planets had started to make their appearance. They talked and joked as they made their food. by the time it as done it was fully night time. the frogs had started chirping again when Sirius poured out another round of Rye to go with their re hydrated stew.

When they finished eating they had all had 3 shots of rye and where all feeling a little warmer. Remus threw some extra logs on the fire making it larger and mesmerizing to watch burn. James had started to sing by this point. Something he and Sirius were know to do once they started feeling a little tipsy. 

"When we arrive sons and daughters  
We'll make our homes on the water  
We'll build our walls of aluminum  
We'll fill our mouths with cinnamon now…”

“Wow James I didn’t know you could sing” Remus said sounding surprised. James ran his hands through his hair self consciously. Sirius elbowed him grinning.

“Mum used to make James take singing lessons growing up. Said he needed some culture.” Sirius said. “He wanted to give them up in high school but I convinced him it’s a great way to impress birds. Not that it worked tho” 

“Oh because your guitar skills get you laid. I haven’t seen you trying to sneak any blokes up to your room in over a year.” James said in retaliation.

“Oi! I’ll have you know I’m very attractive. Has it occurred to you Iv’e just gotten better at sneaking people in” Sirius said.

“I sleep below you you moron. I would know if you got laid. Between you and Peter’s ex girlfriend I’m surprised I got any sleep over the past 2 years.”

Remus was now watching this with amusement. Sirius started blushing.

“Oh shove it Prongs. The amount of times Iv’e heard you jerking it I’m surprised your dick hasn’t fallen off. Although I admire your dedication to only watch porn with red heads”

It was now James’ turn to blush. He immediately threw his empty cup at Sirius ducked. Remus was now laughing out loud.

“You better not tell Evans about that Remus. Or I’ll never talk to you again”James warned while Remus kept laughing

“Don’t worry James. I don’t think Lily is too interested in your search history” Remus joked.

“But she is interested in other things?” James asked sounding all of a sudden super interested.

Sirius snorted hard and went to grab the cup and refill it. He handed the now rye filled cup back to James as Remus shook his head rolling his eyes. “No James she’s not.”

“Bad luck mate. Drink up” Sirius said clapping his back. “Then sing us another song.”

“I’m not your minstrel.”

“Fine then I’ll sing” Sirius said mockingly sitting up straighter.

“Wait wait. Never mind I’ll sing. I want to keep my hearing”

After downing his drink in one go James began singing again.

The night went on with joking and drinking and James singing. After enough drinks Sirius got his chance to sing a bit too. A horribly off tune version of Somebody to Love by Queen.

By the time James finished the last line of Counting Stars by one Republic They were all being to feel the rye come down hard. But they were all smiling and enjoying the burn of the fire on their flushed faces.The fire swam in and out of focus as the alcohol filled their heads.

They sat in silence listening to their crackle and the trees sway in the breeze. Then Remus began singing softly. Sirius turned his head to watch his face glowing orange reflecting the fire now slowly burning down. His eyes and hair glowing orange from the light. 

“Oh, misty eye of the mountain below  
Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls  
And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke  
Keep watching over Durin's son…”

Remus’s voice sounded sad, but also happy at the same time. His voice was a little rough but it sent a chill down Sirius’s back. He can hear is echoing of the dark expanse of the trees and echo back making the forest seem to eerily answer them . And Sirius found himself melting into the sound of his singing. 

“...Now I see fire, inside the mountain  
I see fire, burning the trees  
And I see fire, hollowing souls  
And I see fire, blood in the breeze”

After the last note Remus turned his face up eye closed to the almost full moon which turned his face to a glowing pale blue. He looked so relaxed and was now smiling. Beside him Sirisu heard James start to snore in his chair. 

“Wheres that song from?”Sirius asks still gazing fondly at Remus. Remus opens his now glowing bright yellow eyes in the moon like a wolves’ eyes. 

“Oh it’s from a movie”Remus replies sounding shy now.

“What movie?” Sirius asks now turning in his chair and leaning back to better look at Remus.

“The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” 

“Oh those medival ring movies” Sirius says trying to not sound as stupid as he knows he probably sounds. Remus laughs at that.

“Ya those ring movies” He replies mockingly. But then Remus turns his head and looks back at Sirius smiling. 

“You're such a nerd Moony” Sirius says fondly admiring how beautiful Remus looks under the moonlight. This make Remus smile wider.

"Moony?" Remus questions

"Ya Moony. Unless you want me to go back to Reemy. Or maybe even some of my other ones. I was quite fond of sugar tits." Sirius jokes.

"No no. I like Moony." Remus says with a smile.

They stare at each other for a while. Sirius feels lost in the glowing yellow of Remus eyes. He want to reach out and put his hand over Remus’s which is currently resting atop his chair. But before he can build up the courage Remus sits up.

“I guess we should head to bed.” Remus says stetting. He steps forward stumbling a bit probably from the rye and shakes James awake. 

Sirius sits still while James stirs trying to put his thoughts together. Eventually he just shakes his head and walks with James to their tent while Remus heads to his own.


	15. Chapter 15: Fishing and Star Gazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius catches a fish , and he and Remus have a moment

The next day they all woke up a little later than usual. After breakfast they all took a hike out to the van. Marlene was coming in today and they needed to be there to help her bring stuff in. Sirius was excited for Marlene to come in. He had really bonded with her at school. They both shared a love for Queen and Bowie. She had a similar taste in style as him. Snuffles loved her cat, which she often snuck into the office as well. And she was the only one who got his queer jokes. 

When she saw him she gave him the biggest hug. 

“Sirius what the bloody hell are you doing here?” She asked when she finally let go.

“He was a stowaway” Remus answered for him.

“Hardly. I only hid in the back of the van for the three hour ride.” Sirius said lightly grinning widely. 

“Well regardless I’m happy you’re here. You can help me with my surveys. “ Marlene laughed as she started handing them bags to carry.

****

Having Marlene in camp was great. Sirius enjoyed going out and helping her do her vegetation and rabbit surveys much more than spending the day helping James count deer poop, Or help Remus put out cameras. 

He also leaned a lot from Marlene, she was a very skilled botanist. She slowly taught him all the local plants, and soon Sirius found himself being able to id without having to look in the little plant book she gave him. Soon he was spending his days wandering in the woods near the camp picking wild plants and berries to add to their dinner and breakfasts. Fiddle heads, carrots, garlic were his favourites. And he put raspberries and blueberries on his oatmeal every morning. 

Having Marlene around was also great since she shared the same taste in music and tv. Which meant he had to listen a lot less to James’ shitty country music and more Queen and Bowie. All in all his summer was going great.

“Hey James I think I caught one!!!!” Sirius shouted out as something pulled hard on his fishing rod. He pulled back and gasped out loud as he saw the rod bend like it was going to snap.

“Holy shit!” James exclaimed beside him noticing that it wasn’t just caught on another rock this time. “Ok Pull back slowly then reel in as you come back forward.” James said throwing down his rod and jumping up and helping Sirius hold his.

“Come on you slut!!!!” Sirius shouted at the water. The fish was now visible doing its damnedest not to get near the shore. 

“OK, one, two, three PULL!!!”James shouted and they both pulled back quickly flinging the fish onto the grass. It flopped around wildly. Sirius had never fished before but compared to the fish he saw in the grocery store he was pretty sure this one was a beast. 

Snuffles cautiously approached the fish flopping around on the ground sniffing and giving it a look of curiously and confusion. Snuffles let out a growl as the fish made a larger spring from the ground and its tail slapped his nose. 

“Ladies and gentlemen tonight we eat like kings” Sirius called loudly so that Remus and Marlene could hear from the camp. They both came out of the big canvas tent they had designated as the science tent and came over to see what the hullabaloo was about. 

“Wow! way to go Sirius.” Remus said smiling at the fish which had stopped flopping and was now opening its mouth like it was gasping. 

“Shit that’s a big fish” Marlene whistled as she bent down to pick it up. It took her both hands to lift it from the gills.

“What can I say? I’m the epitome of manliness and ruggedness. Wrangler extraordinaire.” He bragged.

“It’s Angler. Wrangler means you work on a ranch” Remus corrected. 

“Whatever” Sirius said grinning wide.

“Well it’s pretty impressive”Marlene said handing the fish to Sirius and helping him hold it properly.

“Beginners luck” James said now reeling in his rod which only brought in weeds.

“Fine let’s eat the non existent fish you caught.” Sirius said waving is fish at James. James just shoved him in the shoulder, but he smiled at the teasing meaning he wasn’t too hurt.

“Someone take a picture of me with this before we cook it up” Sirius said reaching in his pocket for his phone. “I can’t wait to send this to mum”

*

Turns out catching the fish was the easy part. Cleaning it however wasn’t Sirius’s favourite activity. It was absolutely disgusting. It took all his will power not to faint when James made him cut it’s head off. Something about the crunching of the bones didn’t sit well with his stomach. When he slit the belly to gut it he lost his cool and threw up in the bucket that was meant for the guts. James being the unhelpful brother he was just laughed and pulled out his phone.

“Ha wait till mom sees this” James said as Sirius dry heaved and did his best not to throw up again. 

“James I swear to the gods I’ll shove this fish head down your throat” Sirius threatened as he took a step away from the table to compose himself.

After a lot of gagging, and throwing up once more, the fish was cleaned and ready to be cooked. Overall it was kinda humbling doing all this to keep feed himself and his friends. Growing up as a Black he never got to do anything close to this. Kreacher always did all the cooking. When he moved in with James and Peter all he knew how to make was cereal.

Since Sirius had no confidence in his cooking skills, especially on a fire he left to cooking to James.

The fish was awesome, and went well with the rehydrated potatoes and peas. All four of them sat around the fire once the sun had with full bellies staring up at the night sky and swapping stories.

Eventually James fell asleep. Drooling onto his shirt and snoring loudly. Sirius took advantage of this position to stick some grass in his mouth which James didn’t even stir at. Marlene eventually stood up and called it a night. She shook James awake and once he spat out the grass he followed her to the tents to pack it in Sirius found himself sitting beside Remus alone in the warm glow of the dying fire. Suddenly he felt very self conscious. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to say something stupid. He noticed he was sub consciously running his hands through his hair much like James does. He stopped and carefully glanced over at Remus. 

Remus’ head was laid back all the way so that it was facing the night sky. His arms were folded across his chest and his hands were bundled in the sleeves of his jumper. He looked like he was sleeping except his eyes were wide open. The sky was clear and the moon was completely dark making the stars shine brighter. They reflected in Remus’ now dark golden eyes. Puffs of vapour were coming out faintly in the cold night air as he breathed.

Sirius realized it was probably creepy that he was staring and adopted the same position as Remus instead He looked up at the sky and scanned the constellations. Growing up his family had made him and his brother learn all the names of everything in the night sky. His whole family was named after constellations, something he kept when he chose his name. It helped him remember where he came from, even if he hated every minute of his childhood. Sometimes it was hard to look up at the sky and see Orion, Narcissa, Bellatrix, Cygnus, Arcturus and many others without feeling like his relatives were up there looking down on him. However he couldn’t help but smile as he scanned the sky to find Andromeda, and Alphard. The two relatives he always looked up to. Andromeda was a lot older than him, but she was always there to look after him. She would often visit and take him out under the guise of teaching him how to act like a proper Black, but would instead take him to do fun things like go bowling, or eat street food, or swim at the public pool. She bought him his first binder which he secretly wore at school. He was so distraught when his family had disowned her. She had ran off and married a Newfie potato farmer, Ted Tonks. Something that was inexcusable as a Black. He remembers is mother screaming in rage as she burned Andromeda off the family tree tapestry when she sent a letter home telling everyone what she had done. When he ran away one of the first things he did was contact Andromeda. He even went to visit her on her farm and met Ted. Sirius loved Ted. He was easy going and always cheery. He always seemed to be whistling or singing these funny songs and poems. He was the first guy to show him how to shave. Andromeda was the one who helped him pick out his name as well. 

“Sirius. That’s what your name should be. The brightest star in the sky.” She had said while they star gazed from a field behind their farm house.

Uncle Alphard was also a gem. Sirius was pretty sure Alphard is the one who gave him his mischievous personality. When he would visit Alphard would tell him stories about the pranks he would pull on Orion and Cygnus as kids, and how much grief he would give Sirius’s grandma and grandpa. Alphard never married, but always told Sirius he had no interest in that nonsense. He always said Sirius and Regulus were the only thing he really cared about anyway. When Alphard died he left all his personal fortune to Sirius. Something Sirius was sure sent his Mother into a rampage and his father into an early grave. He wishes he could have seen their faces when the lawyers read the will to them and they found out they got nothing and everything went to their disowned disappointment.

Sirius scanned some more and found Regulus. His stomach twisted. He still didn’t know how he felt about his baby brother. Regulus never did anything to hurt him purposefully. He never said anything mean to him growing up unlike his other family members. Regulus use to follow him around and hang out with him growing up. He never ratted to their mom and dad when he misbehaved at school, or how tell them how Sirius changed into the boys uniform (Jame’s extras) when they got to school. When Sirius left home he was pretty sure Regulus had been forbidden to talk to him but when Sirius ran into him sometime after moving in with the Potters Regulus had greeted him as Sirius. And he didn’t even use a rude voice while doing so. He ,eery gave him a annoyed glare and nodded at him saying “Sirius, Potter” in acknowledgement of the both of them.

Sirius didn’t know when his brother became brain washed by his family but it wasn’t long after he left Regulus stopped acting civil. 

“How do you think I feel everyone knowing my brother’s a filthy queer. Running around acting like an idiot, dressing like a delinquent” Regulus had once said when Sirius ran into him at school.

Regulus may not like him anymore but he must still care about him if he called him as a brother. The whole thing confused him. James was his brother now, and really James had always been his brother. But what did that make Regulus? 

He shook his head focusing again on the stars. 

“There’s me” Sirius said to Remus pointing up at the brightest star above them and a little to the south. 

“Huh?” Remus said turning to him with a confused look.

“The star. Sirius. The brightest star in Canis Major.” Sirius said tracing out the constellation with his outstretched arm. 

Remus followed his finger up to the sky and looked up at Sirius the star too. 

The both sat in the quiet as the trees swayed and rusted and the frogs chirped. Staring at the sky.

“What’s that one?” Remus asked pointing the the faint red point to the west.

“Mars” Sirius answered. Smiling because he felt a little proud and cocky at his knowledge of the night sky he was getting to show off. “And if you follow that line of stars down this way” Sirius said stretching out his hand and leading Remus’s gaze south of Mars. “That curvy line of stars is Scorpio, the scorpion constellation” Sirius pointed out. “And over there is Leo the lion, Over there Taurus the bull, and that one almost right above us is Hercules.” 

Remus gazes followed his pointing as he pointed out all the cool constellations and stars he could find.

“Wow” Remus whispered out eyes scanning the blanket of black above them. “Where did you learn all this? Or is it just the result of being an astronomer?”

Sirius laughed. ”Nah my family made me and my brother learn all this as kids. Probably what made me interested in spending the rest of my life staring at boring graphs looking for distant space rocks.”

Remus turned to him like he wanted to ask something but he shut his mouth and turned his face back up.

“Still I thinks it’s a pretty cool job. I mean studying the universe is such a mystery to me. I can’t even wrap my head around the stuff we don’t know about earth much less what’s beyond it.” Remus said.

“Ya I guess that’s what great about it. I think my mind exploded the first time someone explained the Big Bang and how the universe was created.”

“That would explain a lot” Remus said with a sarcastic smile.

“Hey!” Sirius protested. “You're a sarcastic little shit. You know that?”

“Ive been told yes” Remus said grinning at him.

“Good thing you’re hot as hell or else no one would put up with you” Sirius joked back.

Remus didn’t respond but Sirius was pretty sure he could see him blushing in the dark. 

They sat their continuing to marvel at the stars and Sirius told the myths and stories that went along with the constellations and planets. Something about being in the forest made it all seem too real. Like the darkness of the sky was slowly melting into the darkness of the trees around them. Or maybe he was dozing off.

He practically jumped out of his chair in terror as the silence was broken by a loud howling sound.

Remus sat up and smiled like he was listening closer to the howling. Sirius felt embarrassed at his jumpiness once he realized the sound were coming from very very far away across the lake. Two possibly three wolves were howling back and forth in the distance. Once he got over how eery it was he started to hear the beauty int he howls breaking through the night. 

Beside him Remus tilted his head back and let out a howl himself. Low and mournful unlike the chatty screaming howls of the wolves across the lake. The wolves stopped howling and Remus let out another howl this time louder. He stopped and turned his head to listen. Soon the wolves started howling back in the same mournful howl. Remus howled back. He did this for awhile before turning to Sirius and smiling. By now the fire had died out completely so Remus’s face was completely in shadows. The only thing standing out was the gold in his eyes. Which made him think of wolf eyes staring out at him in the darkness, but he marked this similarity down to the sounds of the howling around him. Still the golden eyes made his heart beat faster and his head feel light. The scared him and drew him closer at the same time. This filled him with energy so he titled his head back and gave the loudest howl he could. He heard Remus chuckle beside him at as the wolves paused again to consider this addition to the chorus before copying him and going back to their more chatty like howls.

“Well at least we know there are wolves here and I’m not putting out cameras for nothing.” Remus said . Sirius laughed at that. 

They stayed sitting there listening until the howls died out. 

“I guess we better pack it in. It’s got to be like 3 am by now” Remus said 

“Ya good idea” Sirius said standing up and stretching.

He went to step forward toward the tents and hit Remus just as Remus stood up. Remus must have been moving forward because he bounced right off his chest backwards from Sirius. Unfortunately Remus lost his balance as he fell backwards and reached out to grab something to stop his fall. In the dark Sirius didn’t see it happen but he felt Remus grab his forearm as he tripped and pulled him down with him. Siruus tried to stop their fall but his waving arms just seemed to put them more off balance and his foot caught in his lawn chair making them both crash down into the dark cold grass. Sirius fell right ontop of Remus his face planting right into the Remus’ chest. Remus let out a gasp as his back hit the ground probably knocking the wind out of him. Sirius groaned his elbow throbbing since he tried to use it to stop himself from crushing Remus and it took the majority of the weight of the fall. 

“Tabarnac!” Sirius swore as he tried to correct himself. Unfortunately his legs were caught in a lawn chair preventing him from rolling off Remus. He was suddenly very aware of how their bodies were lying on top of one another. Remus was warm and soft and smelled like black tea, chocolate, under that top smell there was also the unmistakable sent of moss and rain and wool. Man why did he smell so good? Sirius had never seen the guy bath in the lake like he and James, and even with the bathing in the lake they both still smelled questionable. Sirius felt himself blushing and Remus wriggled under him trying to help him de tangle themselves and the chair in the pitch black darkness. Sirius did his best not to think about how nice it felt as Remus’ face pushed against his shoulder and his hips slide across his. 

Eventually the rightened themselves and pulled themselves up again. 

“I’m sorry” Sirius apologized offering his hand to help Remus stand up.

“It’s ok. I probably should not have stood up so quickly in the dark” Remus replied taking Sirius’ hand to help himself up. Sirius pulled up on Remus’ arm and Remus shot up. The guy was surprisingly light for someone so tall that he pulled to hard and Remus came flying toward him. Sirius caught Remus from falling again by pulling him close. 

Now they were standing toe to and face to face. Sirius arms around Remus from trying to stop him from falling. Remus’ hands were both on Sirius’ chest. Sirius could feel the electricity shocking him from the proximity. 

“Uhhh…um.. my bad” Sirius stammered out.

He could feel Remus’s smiling sarcastically in the dark which Sirius’ face flush hot.

“Thanks” Remus said. He sounded a little winded and it came out more as a whisper. Sirius smelt tea and chocolate on his breath. He felt the urge to lean forward and kiss Remus , and he was pretty sure he could feel Remus lean closer too but Sirius shook his head quickly to clear his thoughts and next thing he knew they were separated. 

A light came on from the direction of Remus as the guy turned on the flashlight on his phone. 

“Good idea” Sirius said following his lead. They walked back to their tent using their phone lights. They said an awkward goodnight before parting into their separate tents.

Inside the tent James and Snuffles were both snoring away so he carefully crawled into his bag. The last thing he thought about before falling asleep was how warm Remus had felt and how he had almost kissed the guy. He wondered if Remus would have kissed him back. Probably not Sirius finally decided. Why would someone that awesome want to kiss him. He put up with Sirius’s flirting but Sirius figured flirting was probably as much as Remus would tolerate fro him. Anyway why would a great guy like Remus go for him. That night he dreamed of chocolate flavoured lips and a warm body held up against him. This however was ruined the next morning when the warm body turned out to be the very hairy and smelly Snuffles who had crawled in his bag last night for warmth.


	16. Chapter 16: Girls and Waterfalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus stars to develop a crush on Sirius. James gets lucky and gets a girl's number, and Sirius is left with a mystery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers thanks for reading and bearing with me in my long absence from the story. 
> 
> I'm gonna take the space here to say that if you love anime or stories about lgbt youth check out the web comic Magical Boy by the Kao. It's about a trans guy who is dealing with the fact that he is destined to be some sort of 'magical girl' and must fight the forces of evil. It's essentially is Sailor Moon had happened to a trans guy who wanted nothing to do with anything magical. It's a hilarious story and Max (the main character) is a trans guy icon in my opinion. Also the art is great and there are a lot of other lgbt characters in the story. 
> 
> Anyway that's my blurb to try and get people to check out this awesome webcomic.

R

 

Remus did his best to avoid Sirius the next couple of days. That night by the fire he had been so close to kissing Sirius and he didn;t know what to think about that. He had always seen Sirius as a showoff goofball kinda guy. He was arrogant and vain. But having Sirius in camp and spending so much time with him one on one he was starting to see the other side of Sirius. 

Sirius underneath his shell of jokes and mean attitude was a big old softie. The guy was truly just a loyal attention hungry puppy. Remus came to realize that Sirius only showed this side to of him to his closest friends. James, Peter, and now him. He felt honored that Sirius probably trusted him enough to show this side, because something else Remus learned about Sirius this past month was that Sirius was super insecure. 

Remus was use to Sirius constantly grooming his hair and being picky about his clothes, but Sirius at the office always made sure to give off an air of confidence. Spending more time however Remus noticed little things. Like Sirius refused to change in front of them. He even made James leave the tent when he wanted to change. Which struck Remus as odd since James apparently had no problem being naked in front of Sirius. Remus had accidentally poked his head in their tent one morning to find James' pants at his ankles asking Sirius to check to rash on his ass to make sure it was just a bug bite and nothing more serious. Remus couldn’t wait to tell Lily about that since James had looked super embarrassed when Remus made a comment on how small his ass was. But Sirius seemed protective of his body. Remus could understand this, since he too was like this, but Sirius probably didn't have the same issue he did. Sirius was fit and scar free. 

Remus also noticed that Sirius was uncomfortable about his height. Ya, the guy was short. Probably no taller than 5’3, but really Remus didn’t think he was too short. Sirius however constantly groaned about how he wished he was as tall as James or him. Remus would just smile at him and roll his eyes, James would just make a jokes about how his height was the universe evening the playing field until Sirius dropped it and smiled again.

All these new things Remus was learning about Sirius was making Remus realize that he might actually like Sirius. Like ‘like’ like Sirius. God, what am I like 10 years old. Remus groaned to himself in his head when he thought about ‘like’ liking someone. 

It didn’t help that Sirius seemed to want to spend a lot of time with him. Whenever he would have to hike to the van to get food Sirius would volunteer to come along. Or if he had to spend extra time out in the forest Sirius would volunteer to come and help him. And the worst thing was that Remus actually enjoyed having Sirius help him. The guy made the day so much more exciting, and the days Sirius came out with him seemed to fly by. 

That’s why Remus was really happy Sirius was going to be spending today with James. Remus was going to help out Marlene. Which he was excited for. Getting to know Marlene was awesome they both shared a love of plants, and Marlene was significantly quieter than James and Sirius.... kinda(.....well she yelled a lot less). 

Remus walked over to James and Sirius’ tent to give them the list of things he needed them to pick up in town. When he got closer he could hear the two of them arguing inside. 

“Come on James just put it on my back. I can’t reach”

“No. I hate the smell of that stuff. Get Marlene or Remus to do it.”

“Come on you prat. Just do it. I helped you take a tick off you back the least you can do it put muscle cream on mine.”

“Fine, but you gotta help me find some rash cream in town. I think I sat in some poison ivy yesterday when I took a -”

Remus had heard enough and opened the tent fly and stuck his head in cutting off James before he could finish his sentence. 

Inside the tent Sirius’ head was stuck in his shirt as he tried to pull it off. James was in his boxers on his knees beside Sirius dolling out cream from a tube into his hand. When Sirius got his shirt off and saw Remus looking in grinning in amusement Sirius immediately said. 

“This isn’t what it looks like” 

“Sure sure.“ Remus teased as James and Sirius both flushed red. “Anyway if you guys want to get to town early you should probably leave soon.” He said as he handed James the list. And with one last grin at Sirius who was now crossing his arms to hide his chest from him Remus left the tent.

 

 

*******************J

James was super excited to go into town. He was running low on potatoes chips, and he really wanted to catch up on who had made it to the finals in the IPL. In camp he could get some signal if he stood ontop of the picnic table and held his phone up as far as he could, but it would be nice to not have to wait 10 minutes to load the game scores.

He and Sirius fought over who would drive the van into town and the decisions was inevitably made after a particularity long tussle. Eventually James managed to pin Sirius to the ground and won, meaning he got to drive. Unfortunately it meant that Sirius got to control the radio. So after about on hour of Led Zepplein and Black Sabbath blaring at full volume they arrived in the nearest town with actual stores to buy supplies in. 

When in town they first went around getting everything on the list Remus gave them. They then had lunch at a chip truck, and James had the best poutine he had ever had. Well it probably wasn’t the best but he hadn’t eaten fried food in so long that anything would have tasted like the food of the gods. Across from him Sirius was face deep in a giant 3 patty burger making inappropriate sounds as he chewed.

Behind Sirius two very pretty girls walked by and giggled at them. James flushed and wiped his gravy covered mouth on his sleeve. Sirius however turned his grease and ketchup cover mouth around to look at them which made them both lean in closer to each other giggling. 

“What are you laughing at?” Sirius said angrily at the two girls. James expected them to be taken aback , or at least angry with how Sirius talked to them but they just continued giggling. 

“Nothing.” The taller blonde one said and they continued towards the chip truck giggling and whispering to each other.

James didn’t understand girls they were the most confusing creatures in the world. Sirius must have been thinking the same thing because he just muttered “looney, all looney, the lot of them. Don’t know how you put up with it.”

James blushed harder and looked behind him at the girls now ordering food. They were very pretty. The shorter one had ginger hair that was flowing down her back and across her freckled shoulders. He gazed a little longingly wondering if she smelt like flowers.

“Girls aren’t so bad once you get over the giggling. Plus they’re soft.” He said the last bit with a sigh as he turned back to his lunch. 

“I’ll take you word for it” Sirius said mouth full of beef sounding a little disgusted.

“Come on you kissed Felicia Turner at that frat party back in second year, and she was fit” James said teasingly.

Sirius swallowed and made a face. 

“She smelt like the perfume my grandma used to wear and tasted like stale beer and vomit” Sirius retorted. 

“Hmmm fair enough” James conceded. “I bet they don’t smell like your gran” James said carefully pointing to the girls behind them. “Think I got a chance?”

Sirius leaned to the side to look at the girls past James more carefully. 

“Maybe if one of them has a brain injury” Sirius said. 

“Come on I’m serious” 

“No I’m Sirius.”

“Come on Sirius. Play along ok. I need my wing man supporting me not belittling me” 

“Fine” Sirius conceded. 

James turned around to see the girls carrying their food over to the picnic tables.

He waved at them as they got closer. 

“You can come sit with us if you want” James said offering them the empty spots beside them. The girls giggled again and James heard Sirius mutter “Breeders” with disdain into his burger.

James kicked him under the table as the girls sat down. James was elated when the red head sat down beside him. She didn't smell like flower, instead she smelt like watermelon soap. But she smiled broadly at him with big brown eyes as they introduced themselves.

They spent lunch talking. Well James mostly talked while Sirius did his best not to recoil as the blonde scooted closer to him as he tried to finished his fries. Sherry the red head however smiled interested in hearing about his work in the forest. 

After about an hour Sirius cleared his throat loudly. 

“Sorry, but we got to get going. Ummm could I have your number?” James asked feeling shy all of a sudden. He found himself running his hands through his hair but didn’t try and stop. Sherry blushed and held out her hand for his phone. James felt like he could jump up cheering with excitement. He hadn’t gotten a girls number since 4th year of his undergrad. She took his phone and put in her number and handed it back. 

“Ummm text me ok” She said with a giggle before they headed to their car.

The blonde looked at Sirius expectancy but Sirius was already heading towards the van clearly not interested. James shot her an apologetic smile before following Sirius to the van. 

The last stop they had in town was the liquor store. It was a small town so it didn’t have the selection they were use to at home, but they managed to find some cool beers, and bought a couple harder liquors. 

Sirius drove back and James used the time in the passenger seat to send a message to Sherry. She texted back immediately and James texted her until they lost signal promising to try and text her whenever his phone reconnected to the outside world. 

Sirius just teased him the whole way. Usually about his preference for petite red heads, which Sirius seemed to insinuate something to do with Lily. James adamantly denied this. Lily was attractive and smart and strong, but that didn’t mean he was only interested in Sherry because of her resemblance to Lily. 

James was relieved when they finally got to camp and he could escape Sirius judgmental looks and grins.

 

*********S

Sirius woke up earlier than usual the next morning. He usually got up once the sun had fully risen, but this morning Snuffles had insisted on getting up at the first crack of light.

He tried to fall back asleep but Snuffles jumped on his back painfully so he reluctantly rolled out of his sleeping bag, being careful not to wake James.

Outside the sky was pink in the early dawn light and everything was covered in dew and chilly in the shadows. 

It was kind of beautiful and peaceful outside. Everything was still and quiet. Sirius pulled on an extra hoodie to fend off the chilly morning air and walked around camp. No one was up yet so he decided to go for a little walk along the trail. Snuffles happily bounded ahead of him sniffing everything along the way tail wagging happily. Around him birds were starting to wake up and sing their morning tunes. 

Ahead of him something rustled in the bushes. Sirius stopped in his tracks. Even though he had been in the forest for a month he was still pretty jumpy. The image of a bear or wolf jumping out at him from a bush always in the back of his head. He was relieved when it was just a skunk crossing the path. Unfortunately Snuffles had the brain the size of a pea and decided the skunk was going to make a great breakfast. He bounded after the skunk which took off running in the brush for its life.

“Shit!” Sirius called out loud running after Snuffles who followed the skunk into the forest. “Come back you stupid mutt!!!!”

He ran after them thankful for the little foot path they were following that seemed to have been made by someone walking through the bush recently. He ran after them for a good while until he lost them. He puffed and puffed as he continued trying to catch up. 

Thankfully he found Snuffles barking and trying to dig under the roots of a tree where Sirius assumed the skunk was trying to hide. He bounded forward and pulled the dog back from the tree. 

“You idiot. If that thing sprays you you’ll be sleeping outside” Sirius told the dog. Snuffles just jumped up and licked his face and then went back to barking at the tree roots. Sirius held tighter to the collar and pulled the dog back towards the trail. On the walk back Sirius heard something he didn’t hear when he was running after Snuffles. The sound of rushing water. And something else. He paused and listened closer.... Music. That was odd. He located the direction of the music and started slowly hiking towards it.

Eventually he came across a river of clear water rushing down through the forest. The music was louder now so he followed it up the river. Eventually he came across a small waterfall falling down from a rock cliff. At the base of the waterfall was a small pool lined with mossy rocks all surrounded but he tall trees around them. What Sirius wasn’t expecting was to see someones head pop out of the water below the falls. He walked closer and then realized the head had sandy blonde hair, the swimmer was Remus. When Snuffles saw it was Remus he barked loudly and ran towards the pool of water. Remus turned around and looked mortified. Snuffles jumped into the water splashing Remus who sunk lower into the water as Sirius approached. 

Sirius wondered why Remus was acting so shy and thought for a moment the guy might be naked but as he got closer he could clearly make out black swim trunks on the guy so he sat down beside Remus' phone which was playing out a song from Of Monsters and Men. He noticed the shampoo bottle and bar of soap on the rock closer to the water.

“Nice place to take a morning bath. No wonder you kept it a secret” Sirius said to Remus who only had his head out of the water and his arms were wrapped around his submerged chest.

Remus looked a little panicked but after a few moment his facial expression relaxed even though his body posture didn’t.

“I wasn’t keeping it a secret. I just didn’t tell you guys” Remus said.

Sirius laughed at that. 

Snuffles got out of the water and shook off beside Sirius getting him all wet.

“You’re on thin ice you mutt” Sirius scolded wiping his face with his shirt. Snuffles just barked and licked his face in apology. Remus laughed from the water. Sirius looked over at Remus still submerged.

“Umm Sirius can you pass me my towel?” Remus asked.

“Oh sure” Sirius said standing up to bring the towel over to Remus in the water. Remus waded closer not taking his body out any further. When Remus got closer Sirius looked down and noticed something on Remus' shoulder. Bright pinkish white against his skin.  
When Remus reached up for the towel his arms and shoulder came out of the water and Sirius could make out the giant scar running across his shoulder to his chest, as well as a few smaller scars running across his upper right arm. Remus took the towel and quickly jumped out of the water trying to throw on the towel as quick as possible Sirius however was still able to catch sight of Remus' chest and then back when he turned. Big long raised scars littered his back and chest shinning pink and white against his pale skin. Sirius was shocked and found himself staring at the scars. When Remus turned to see him staring Sirius quickly averted his eyes. 

“Umm I’ll just turn around while you change if you like” Serious said already tiring so the guy could change.

After a couple minutes he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Remus fully dressed towel around his neck. 

“Come on let’s head back and start a fire for breakfast” Remus said heading towards the trail.


	17. Chapter 17: Thunderstorm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus shares his secret with Sirius. Yes some more Wolfstar. Gonna try and make this an interesting slowburn.

The field season was quickly coming to a close. James and Remus had successfully put out enough tracks and cameras and counted enough small plants to fill 4 hard drives worth of data. Marlene had left earlier that week to go to the other forests she was looking at, and Remus had started slowly packing up things they didn’t need anymore. There wasn’t much to do now except go out and pick up remaining cameras and visit some places James still needed to count boring plants at. Sirius was happy to go out and help with the boring work, but he was honestly super happy to be heading home soon. He missed his warm bed, and showers and take out, and cell service. 

James also seemed pretty excited. He could be seen every evening without fail climbing onto of the picnic table (and when Remus wasn’t looking on the shed roof) trying to get service. He said it was to get updates on cricket, but Sirius had walked into the tent one afternoon and caught him taking a photo down his pants , which Sirius assumed was a shitty prize for the girl who James had been secretly texting since they met in town. What was her name….”Sharon?… Mary?” Whatever. Sirius just referred to her as ditsy Lily but only when Remus wasn’t around. This for some reason seemed too upset James. 

Sirius eventually stopped teasing James about this girl. Ya it was annoying to have James dropping trow anywhere to take dick pics, and having him distracted and on his phone, but at the end of the day James was his brother and if this made him happy then he should go for it. Plus once they got home she would be 3 hours away so it’s not like it would last. Well he hoped so. 

Sirius though about this as he tried his best to fall asleep. His patients to not smother James in his sleep right now was reaching its limit. Currently there was a lightning storm going on outside. It was quickly becoming the worst storm of the summer. It has slowly rolled in after a day of drizzling rain. When it started to pour down the thunder had started and not long after they had seen lightening on the horizon. The lightening slowly creeped closer with every hour. When they had seen a lightening bolt strike somewhere on the lake they decided to hunker down in there tents until to passed over them. Unfortunately for Sirius that meant closing himself off in an unventilated shelter with James. This wouldn’t be such a big deal except that James had been sprayed by a skunk yesterday. It had been hilarious at the time. Snuffles was trying to dig something out of the bush and when James went to go investigate he had gotten it right in the face. The smell had been so bad he James spent the the next 2 hours retching and trying to wash it off in the water. It hadn’t worked and Sirius made him sleep on top of the picnic table that night. However Remus had said he wasn’t allowed to make James sleep outside again while it was raining, something about how he could die. 

So Sirius buried his head inside his sleeping bag, deciding he rather suffocate than stick his head out to the skunk smell. Unfortunately he also had another problem with this. Snuffles was scared of thunder so he was currently curled up inside Sirius’ sleeping bag. Which meant there wasn’t much room for Sirius, and inside the bag smelt like wet dog and was unbearably hot. Eventually he couldn’t take it anymore and burst through the opening of the sack and gulped cold smelly air.

“I hate my life” Sirius muttered wiping sweat from his head and scrunching his nose at the smell. James snored on, oblivious to the storm, smell, and Sirius’ contempt.

Deciding he wasn’t going to get any sleep he picked up the blanket he usually used as a pillow and wrapped in around his shoulders. He slipped on his shoes and grabbed his smokes and a flashlight before crawling out of the tent. He ran towards the shed to avoid getting soaked. Once inside he turned off the flash light and lit up a smoke. Leaning against the shed doorway he got a view of the pitch black darkness of the woods. Besides the pattering of rain and the occasional rumble of thunder is was eerily quiet. Sirius stared into the darkness. He could make out the outline of the shadows of the trees against the black sky if he looked hard enough, but besides that and the sound of rain hitting the tree canopy he might as well be staring into a black hole.

The thought of it made his. Stomach queasy. Not in a bad way, but in the same way it usually knotted up when he thought about space and the vastness of stars and the universe itself. Honestly he missed being at the office studying astronomy. He was going to rue the day he returned and had to catch up on all the new research that probably came out in the last 3 months. 

He sighed at that letting out a puff of smoke. He was just contemplating going back to the tent and grabbing his sleeping bag and sleeping in the shed when a lightening bolt lit up the sky very close The thunder it created making the ground shake. Sirius eyes widened as the forest ahead of him lite up for a fraction of a second. He swears he saw a large creature moving through the trees right ahead of him. Something large. Another flash of lightening and thunder further away lit up the sky again and Sirius squinted into the forest to catch a glimpse of whatever he had seen gain. But there was nothing there. Sirius shook his head. Maybe he was too tired and was seeing things. However he had a feeling as if he was being watched. All he goosebumps on his arm and neck were standing up and he felt the urge to run back to the tent.

“Calm down, you’re just being paranoid” he said to himself. “Nothing to worry about, it was probably a harmless deer or something” 

He reached over for the flashlight and tried to turn it on but it wouldn’t light. Ok now he slowly panicking. He squinted into the darkness was something rustling the leaves on the ground?

“AHHHHHH!” Another flash of lightening lit up the sky and must have stuck close by because the boom of thunder that came with it shook his bones and drowned out his scream. He ran back towards his tent in the dark, tripping over the uneven terrain.  
He almost got to his tent when he noticed the tent a few feet away light up from inside. Remus was up. Sirius paused for a second then made his way towards the lit up tent.

 

**********************

 

Remus always found sleeping during storms difficult. He had tossed and turned for hours before he finally managed to fall asleep. In what seemed like mere second after he drifted off he was awoken by a loud explosions. He sat bolt upright as the sky thundered and the sky outside his tent was lit up bright. The lightening had been so close he felt the ground rumble under his sleeping pad. After the second of light the tent went pitch black. All Remus could hear was the rain pouring down on his tent again. 

Now he was back to tossing and turning. His mind having been spooked was running a mile a minute. He had always had trouble sleeping during storms but being the forest in a tent by himself was getting to him. At home he could put on his headphones and closed the curtains and do his best to shut it out. Out here he couldn’t so his mind wandered and kept replaying that night from when he was five years old over and over in his head. The night he had gotten his scars. 

*

It was a stormy night just like this one. His mom had put him to bed early but he couldn’t sleep. The lightening kept casting scary shadows on the walls. Monsters just like the monsters his dad told him lived in the forest. But his dad wasn’t home tonight he was in the forest with his buddies hunting some wolves that had killed some sheep. Remus had cried when his dad had told him what he was going to do. This had prompted his moms deciding to send him to bed early. She had stayed with him for awhile while his dad packed and headed out. She read him stories about fairies and gnomes that would go into their garden and cause mischief. Remus had loved those stories. Especially the gremlin that she said lived in the wood pile and would sneak into the house and hide their socks. 

Now alone in the dark by himself he was scared. He wanted him mom. So he got out of bed and tip toed bare foot down the stairs . The fire was going and the radio was still playing. However his mother was no where in sight. Her book however lay open on her chair. So she must be in the kitchen. He tiptoed out to the kitchen whimpering and recoiling when some thunder echoed across the cabin. The kitchen was empty too. But the door was open and Remus could feel the breeze of the storm blowing through the screen. Thinking she had gone outside to grab wood he slipped on his rain boots and raincoat. After putting his hood up he pushed open the screen door and headed outside. The wood pile was around the side of the garage so he walked across the dark wet lawn quickly trying to be brave and not scared of the dark outside.  
From this distance he couldn’t see the house anymore, it was too dark. His mom wasn’t at the wood pile when he turned the corner, but he could hear the garbage cans in the garage being moved. His moms probably taking out the garbage. So he ran around to the mouth of the garage. The garage was pitch dark his mother wasn't in there but he could hear something moving around inside. He froze at the entrance too scared to move. A monster had gotten into the garage. A Sasquatch or a troll or a werewolf. He wanted to run but his little legs didn’t move. He could just stare into the dark garage. As soon as he got to the entrance the rustling stopped . He could hear something breathing heavily and could see a hairy outline in the dark. It was moving towards him slowly. He screamed as loud as he could calling for his mom.

But when he screamed the creature lunged forward and pushed him to the ground. The face of a huge brown bear was roaring down at him. He screamed again. He chest hurt so much. The bear bit down on his shoulder and he kept screaming. He wanted his mom. Where was she? Then he found himself on the ground the bear paw across his back. He curled up into a ball protecting his head like his dad told him once. The bear kept pawing his back. But he didn’t scream this time. He felt it grab his upper arm it its mouth, but he stayed curled up as he started to cry. He hurt so much he wanted it to be over. He was getting cold and sleepy. So cold and sleepy. Then he heard some loud banging, maybe more thunder, and that was the last thing he remembered until he woke up in the hospital weeks later.

 

*

This memory ran through his head. He curled up in his sleeping bag as another flash of lightening went across the sky. 

"Calm down it’s just a storm. I’m ok, I’m ok." He thought to himself. But his mind was running wildly. He strained his ears to hear past the rain during outside. Maybe it was in his head but he swears he could hear something walking around his tent. "What if it was a bear? Oh no oh no oh no he thought to himself. What do I do? Oh god I’m doomed. "

FLASH BOOM!

“AHHHHHHH!” He screams in fright.

A loud crack of thunder and lightening went off. So loud and close Remus' ears rang and he swears the air suddenly smelt like ozone. 

He turned on his flashlight unable to hold back the fear of the dark. 

He curled farther into his sleeping bag but kept his eyes on the wall of his tent. With the light he could make out the water dripping down the outside fly. He tried to focus on that breathing slowly to try and calm himself blocking out the sounds outside his tent. He was such a coward, he hated it and himself. What kind of grown man is scared of thunder storms. 

“Remus you up?”

He heard the voice of Sirius from outside his tent. That was odd. He sat up in his sleeping bag pointing the light towards the tent fly. 

“Uh ya. Come in” He stammered out his voice cracking as he tried to sound like nothing was bothering him. 

Sirius come into the tent his hair was damp with water droplets and he looked a little out of breath. He brought with him the smell of wet dog and cigarette smoke. Sirius crawled in and sat down in the center of the tent facing him. 

“I think I saw Sasquatch” Sirius said in a deadpan serious voice.

It was so ridiculous that Remus forgot his worrying thought and found himself laughing. 

“I’m not kidding.” Sirius said. “Stop laughing you butthead”

“Sorry it’s just. Wow .”Remus said berthing in to stop his laughter and wiping away a tear. “Sirius Sasquatch isn’t real”

“How would you know?”

Remus raised his eyebrows at that.

“But maybe it was a deer…or a rock. Anyway what are you doing up?”Sirius asked.

“Oh ummm, just couldn’t sleep with the thunder. You?”

“My tent sucks.” Sirius said. “Can I sleep here tonight?” Sirius asked looking up with puppy dog eyes.

Remus paused taken back a seance not expecting that. “Ummm sure” He managed to get out. It would be nice to share a tent with someone tonight. Having Sirius nearby was distracting him from his terrible thoughts and memories.

Sirius smiled widely. “Awesome” He got up on his knees. Remus thought for a second he was going to head out and grab his sleeping bag from his tent but instead Sirius crawled over to him and opened the zipper on his bag. 

“Bugger over Moony. Share the warmth” Sirius said as he slipped inside the sleeping bag beside him.

Remus froze unsure of what to do. So he pulled in his arms and did his best to take up less room as Sirius squirmed in and zipped the bag back up. They were now both packed in tight beside each other barley both fitting on the sleeping pad. Remus stared up at the tent roof doing his best to not cringe away from Sirius’ freezing cold feet. 

They lay there in the quiet listening to the rain. The Sirius was slowly making he sleeping bag more warm and surprisingly commutable. Remus resisted the urge to lean into him. Now that he was closer Remus could smell the familiar arm musky scent mixed with orange, cloves and dried tobacco. 

Beside him he felt Sirius turn over on his side to face him. Remus fought the urge to roll over and look into his eyes.

“Hey Remus? Umm you don’t have to answer or even respond but I wanted to ask. Where did you get those scars?” Sirius asked in an almost whisper. Remus froze.

So Sirius had seen it that morning at the waterfall. Remus breathed in hard trying to get his thoughts together. It hadn’t talked about the incident infers. It was never a good place for his mind to go so he usually shoved it away to the corners of his mind. 

He felt Sirius' hand reach both and pat his arm.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to tell me. I’m sorry shouldn’t have asked its non of my business.”

Sirius warm comforting hand eased his head. Why was he holding back? He trusted Sirius, it would be good for him to share for once. 

Remus turned on his side to face Sirius there nose were so close they were almost touching. The tent was pitch black but Remus could make out Sirius' grey eyes which were shinning silver very faintly in the dark. 

“No it’s ok. Umm just its hard to talk about. “ 

Sirius stayed quiet and politely waited while Remus got his thoughts together figuring out what to say. Usually he made sure when he spoke he properly explained everything and carefully chose his words, but now it was hard to come up with what to say. So in a more Sirius fashion he started talking just making it up as he went. He quickly told Sirius what had happened to him when he was young. Sirius gasp and made sympathetic sounds, but didn’t cut him off he wheels story. 

“Wow that’s wow.” Sirius said when he finished. But instead of saying how sorry or bad he felt for Remus and what happened to him like every single person who knew Sirius surprised him and asked. “What happened to the bear?”

Remus felt himself unwillingly smiling a little at that. “My dad shot it. I feel bad about it tho. The bear was just a bear doing bear stuff. It didn’t deserve to be shot. “Remus said feeling put out. Even after all these years he still felt so terrible. It was his fault the poor bear was shot. He later had learned it was just a momma bear that got in the garage looking for food. It only attacked because its cub had been with it. And Remus was responsible for it being shot when it was just protecting its kid, just like his dad. "It’s my fault the bears dead. “

“Hey don’t say that. Ya it sucks the bear was shot but like thinks about it. What would have happened if the bear was let go. It could have gotten into another house and hurt someone else.” Sirius said consolingly. 

“Ya I guess” Remus said thinking, But the bear wouldn’t have been in the garage if we didn’t forget to close the door or even put our house in its forest in the first place. Remus kept that thought to himself tho. 

“Thanks for sharing Moony” Sirius said.

Remus looked back up at Sirius there noses were now touching. Sirius' nose was cold like a dogs. Remus’ heart was now beating hard against his ribs. The smell of Sirius was overtaking him. His long hairs untucking from his ponytail in the front and now laying across the pillow they were sharing tickling Remus’ chin. They salted like that for a minute, or an hour who knows. Lightening and thunder contoured on crashing and blasting outside but Remus ignored it.

At some point reality and sleep merged together. The earth and confer of having Sirius beside him had him quickly falling back to sleep. His last thought was about how nice it would be to curl up against Sirius.


End file.
